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unknown feeling
#1
hey guys so i havent posted on here in a while. i have a strange feeling for my boyfriend but my parents dont approve and he lives in another state. i want to love him and kiss him and just spend the rest of my life with him but these things like him living in another state and me living in michigan and my parents not approving of me dating him is hard for me to understand. i wish i could just be with him but i dont how to and i dont know if he would want to. what do i do?
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#2
What do you do? You do what it takes to become an independant man, by finishing your education, getting a job and your own place.
Why don't your parents approve of your bf?
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#3
Why don't your parents approve?
More info..
Your post is so vague.

Have you ever kissed him?
Sounds like you haven't

..and want to spend the rest of your life with him?

What if he's a terrible kisser?
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#4
I'm guessing here that this strange feeling that you're referring to must be love. From you're profile it looks like you're fairly secure in knowing that you're gay and you refer to this guy as your boyfriend, so I have to class your comment "I have a strange feeling for my boyfriend" in terms of you trying to deal with the overwhelming feeling that is a part of being in love. That you're calling it a strange feeling indicates to me that this is a first love, since the intensity is an unknown feeling to you.

Granted I'm assuming a great deal here, but you're post wasn't filled with details. So I'm just trying to pull meaning from the words you have given us.

If real first love is the case, take a breath, calm down, and relax. First love is a complicated wash of emotion that often leaves people without much perspective concerning the rest of their lives. Often in such cases your one driving wish is to be with him because everything he says, everything he does, how he moves, how he talks and looks, those things make you feel more at ease with yourself than you have ever felt with anyone else. First love is often an all consuming feeling and the weight of that intense feeling can cloud your judgement. To borrow a line from what would now be considered a vintage movie, "That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else."

I'm also assuming here that you're probably still in school... high school? WMU? That would account for you still living with you parents and the fact that you cannot simply pick your whole life up and move to his location. I've known many men who have made such drastic moves in the name of love.

If, though, this is the first time you've felt so strongly about another guy, take the time to listen to what I'm going to tell you. Slow down. Let yourself think... and I mean really examine how this feeling is affecting your life. If all you can think about is wanting to be with him, you're losing the perspective of your life as it relates to the real world around you. Of where you live, of what you would do with your future even if you could go to him. Above all, think about what you might find when you do actually meet him. I'm over fifty years old and I can tell you from experience that the guys I first felt strongly about in my life were often not what I wanted once they were in my life. The fantasy of the situation rarely measures up to the reality. In addition, one of "my first true loves" very nearly got me sent home to my parents back in Grayling in a body bag with a toe tag reading my name and the word Deceased.

Yeah, I grew up in Grayling, not more than fifty miles from Traverse City. You cannot begin to imagine the number of times I wished to hell that I could live in T.C. because Grayling was such a craphole. Even more than that, I just wanted the hell out of Michigan. There are worse places to live than T.C., believe me my friend. As a child my family used to go to Acme just to see a movie at the drive in theatre. It's not there anymore. We used to go to Old Town when they closed off the entire street and businesses moved merchandise outdoor any marked down prices. Our family camped at the park across from the beach. Some of the very best theatre productions I've seen were done by community theatre groups in T.C., productions every bit as moving as anything I've seen in professional theatres in big cities.

What I'm asking you is to try and slow your thinking down about this guy. Take advantage of the resources around you while you can, because you're going to need that kind of experience later on in life. If your school situation isn't good, try to rise above it and keep your emotional self intact. Stay in touch with this guy online if you need to, but don't make any rash decisions like running away to live with him, even if he urges you to do it. Time will give you perspective. Taking your time with this overwhelming feeling will give you a calmer state of mind and the ability to fit this relationship into your real world life.

And, as the others above me have noted, your initial post was very vague. Be completely honest with us, why do your parents dislike this guy? Don't just give us your opinion of why they don't like him, what have they actually said about him to you? Do you, or they actually know him? Have you ever met IRL? Without knowing the specifics of this situation I'll say this: Give your parents the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're just trying to help you, or protect you from pain with lessons they've learned from life. Or are they just parents who dislike the fact that you're gay? Those of us replying to you can't really give you great advice if we don't have an unbiased idea of the full picture.

And before you ask, no, I no longer live in Grayling. When I was very young and rash I fled to Los Angeles and it was one of the worst decisions I ever made. It very nearly got me dead. Dead as in not breathing. I fled from Grayling to Lansing twice after that, moving back home each time because, like Dorothy, “If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

That last time I moved home, settled down and quit looking for happiness anywhere but inside myself, I actually found the man of my dreams. Living just down the street from where I grew up. He was the boy next door. And more than 30 years later, we're still together.

So calm down. Breath. Take time to allow yourself to gain some perspective. Finish school. If it is true love it will last the test of time and distance, but not without a lot of work. Relationships are work my friend. Learn the test of patience instead of blindly leaping into a situation or making comments in the heat of the moment. Learning patience will serve you well in keeping a relationship alive.

Take care of you first. And tell us more information so we can help you with clearer answers. Be honest with us and yourself. People here will help you if we know the whole of the story, not just the little bit you've shared.
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#5
cnorwood4350 Wrote:hey guys so i havent posted on here in a while. i have a strange feeling for my boyfriend but my parents dont approve and he lives in another state. i want to love him and kiss him and just spend the rest of my life with him but these things like him living in another state and me living in michigan and my parents not approving of me dating him is hard for me to understand. i wish i could just be with him but i dont how to and i dont know if he would want to. what do i do?
[MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION], [MENTION=21156]Anocxu[/MENTION] and especially [MENTION=21461]Steve[/MENTION] have given you good responses. However, they haven't QUOTED you so the system will automatically email their reply... thus, since you don't appear to frequent the forum often, you may not SEE their replies. I encourage you to come back, read, and help us help you (if possible) by answering some of the questions. I read your post before I fell asleep and, as they have asked, I wondered, "Why don't your parents approve?" We don't know the situation so it is difficult to say much about it.

But, for sure, I think most if not all of us have felt what you're describing. Sometimes we form strong fascinations with other guys, guys we feel like we want to be with day and night. It may be crushing or obsession, it may even be "love"... or something close to it. But as to what to do about it... well... you LIVE with it. ENJOY IT while it lasts (it may not last as long as you hope).

I think what Steve has said about first love is right on. It is an emotional awakening... but it isn't necessarily "emotional maturity". I'm almost old enough to be your great grandfather and I still remember my "first love"... his name, what he looked like, how he made me feel... even though absolutely nothing came of it.

I wish I could tell you that life is like a fairy tale where the two princes end up living happily ever after in a some magical kingdom filled with excitement and valor. Sadly, life isn't much like that... or isn't very often (in my experience anyway). That's not to say that life is just one on-going, boring trial. It isn't. There's lots of fun to be had, many adventures to be lived through and all the excitement you can stand. BUT...this is kind of the point as I see it... the time to HAVE many of these "adventures" is in the age group you're moving into... your young adult years (18 through 25 or so). I advise you to not tie yourself down too quickly... UNLESS you are 100% sure that this is what you want and what HE wants 100% as well.

Relationships begin with communication... and communication is not little texts sent back and forth. Communication is coming clean, speaking your truth, and LISTENING to the response. Communication (for most guys) means taking the risk of being truly honest, both with yourself and the other guy -- and giving him the same opportunity.

We all wish you the best! Xyxthumbs
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