Monogamy expectations

[Anocxu]

Pacific is terrified of losing his partner..,still squeezing the thread for every option except the obvious.

His partner knows he doesn't have the guts to walk away...even temporarily.. so till that happens ..his lover will keep walking all over him.

The last thing we all want is for you to lose him.
If you keep digging for excuses... you'll lose yourself in the process.

Insight:
It would destroy me to know that my significant other (If I had one) was hurting this much over something I could easily change.

What more can you do if you said you have repeatedly spoken to him regarding this issue.

Pack a small bag of clothes.. go stay with a friend for a few days...settle your thoughts..
Send a clear message how miserable you are regarding this issue .
He needs to know you are ready and willing to make changes to make yourself happy...

Stop making excuses for his sloppy behavior.

Are you his lover or his doormat?

Put your foot down!!

[Virge]

Do a lot of male-male relationships struggle with this? I've been in my relationship for 5 years and I am to the point where I understand I cannot even expect much in this area. At this point, you're thinking why am I still in the relationship, but I really do love my partner and we're compatible on so many levels. I know so many gay relationships seem to be open and wonder if this is something I should just mellow out on? If it's so common, is the fact that he gets some on the side without telling me something to be worried about if I know he loves me? We've been "open" but we had an agreement to let the other know prior to anything happening. Well, apparently, this is not been followed. Personally, I am for some odd reason angry but also sympathetic thinking that if I ask him to tell me first, perhaps that's just awkward and I suppose I can see how it would take away from the experience(?). I just am pretty peeved that the rules weren't followed (I am pretty OCD about rules)...it triggers a lot of anxiety and other negative feelings.

Anyway, thoughts, insight, been-there before stories, would be helpful.

Thanks

The title of this thread caught me real quick. "Monogamy Expectations." There's a problem in that I don't think anyone else has talked about in comments.

Expectations. Whose Expectations? Are these expectations based on reality or... (like most expectations ) .. based on a set of pie in the sky ideals that have no relationship to anything that happens in real life?

Expectations actually suck in a relationship when you think about it. They can actually do more damage than good. I don't impose my expectations on my guy. Why? If he doesn't meet MY expectations I'll be disappointed because he did less THAN I EXPECTED... If people stop imposing their expectations on each other something neat happens. You almost never disappoint each other and 99.99999% of the time you're happy and surprised beyond belief with each other!!!!!!!!!!!!

Example... I know his schedule and what time he should arrive home in a perfect world. Do I EXPECT him at that time? NO. He's late quite a bit and I'm okay with that... He's late because he likes to shop when he can... (after work) sometimes he has clients with issues he needs to spend time with... I'm never disappointed if he's late. When he's home on time or early... it's something I want to celebrate... and by doing so I'm actually rewarding and appreciating him for being on time rather than EXPECTING him to be... so that makes him more excited about getting home on time...

Seldom disappointed/Very often surprised... Got it?

Now transfer that from being home late or on time to monogamy or the lack of it...