Bisexuality

[CellarDweller]

In my opinion, if someone identifies as bisexual, it means they don't have a clear preference for sex with males, or sex with females, they enjoy having sex with people of either gender.

[Pyromancer]

I HATE all of these labels...

If someone says that they're bisexual, I take that to mean that they're attracted...sexually, emotionally, romantically...to people of either sex...attracted to a person, not a gender...

My partner and I identify as gay even though we've both been with women in the past...but being with a woman because you hope that there'll be some magical shift and you'll stop wanting to be with men doesn't make a person bisexual...

I can't imagine why it would matter if he decided he wanted to swap out the labels and call himself bisexual...and yeah, I've known gay guys who didn't want to date bisexuals because there were too many potential rivals...they don't want to have to compete with women as well as other men.

Maybe there'd be more successful relationships if people ignored all these labels and focused on each other as people...

[ashwinw]

Kinsey says, everyone's bisexual (to a degree ). If everyone's bisexual, then who's gay?

My explanation:

Human sexuality is fluid in nature. It has evolved to such an extent that its a highly social and cultural thing. Lot of research has shown that being attracted to people of either gender is not uncommon. My take on this is that, since attraction (sexual or otherwise) is very much tied to social aspects of humans -- friendship, amiability, trust, care; we cannot define sexuality merely based on the the sexual attraction.

Sexuality, according to me, should be categorized as a psychological aspect. Sexuality is not just what you're attracted to. It is a way in which you define yourself. It is a language, shared by a culture, in which individuals can express their identity.

So, who's gay and who's straight?
Well, my "test" of someone's sexuality is this -
Can you imagine yourself to be happily with someone for large portion of your life? [think, stranded on a lonely island] -- this removes all temptations / inhibitions (eg. possibilities of adultery, social taboos, etc) from the scenario
If the other person of your imagination has a particular gender, then you've found your answer.

We can define our sexuality, without any difficulty, if we think in terms of identity expression; instead of sexuality being something "what one craves for". According to me, sexuality is not an addiction, but rather healthy choices that people make.

[Cuddly]

To me it's all about sexual attraction.

I've been told that bi's are sexually attracted to personalities though, where homo- and heterosexuals are attracted to the body. I suppose the somethingsomethingscale is the best fitting theory. We've had discussions about this on the forum before.

[Jettalove]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] said: “When I was living with my first partner, Mindy, everyone wanted to label me as "bi" (and tried to get me to accept that label) but for me it just didn't "fit". I'm not attracted sexually to both men and women. True, I obviously do have the capacity to fall in love with both men and women (I have... and Mindy and I are now like brother and sister). But from my totally subjective POV, there was never any doubt in my mind that I was/am homosexual. ALL my sexual fantasies revolve around both sexual and emotional bonding with other males and never females.”

I’m curious, would you consider that you “fell in love” with Mindy even though you now have a brother/sister relationship? I mean, was it always brother/sister and you just didn’t really realize that at the time? You said you weren’t sexually attracted to her, but do you think you were in love with her? Did she know you weren’t sexually attracted to her, or is that something that she became aware of when you broke up? I’m sorry for all the personal questions- I’m a super curious person by nature and I like to try to fully understand things. Totally get it if you don’t want to get that deep here.


[MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] said: "Anyone can fall in love with anyone, regardless of sexual attraction. That's emotions for you, yeah? Emotions aren't about who gets your dick hard, but about who you -connect- with intellectually, personality wise, etc."

Huh, this is interesting. In my world, falling in love means the whole package- emotional, romantic and sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy casual sex (though it isn’t even remotely as good as sex with someone I’m in love with). I don’t think I would characterize an emotional connection, even a deep one, with someone that I am not attracted to sexually or romantically as “being in love”. Maybe this is because I am female, that I don’t separate these aspects when it comes to being in love? Well, that can’t be true, based on some of the other responses here from men.


[MENTION=22470]Pyromancer[/MENTION] said: “If someone says that they're bisexual, I take that to mean that they're attracted...sexually, emotionally, romantically...to people of either sex...attracted to a person, not a gender...

My partner and I identify as gay even though we've both been with women in the past...but being with a woman because you hope that there'll be some magical shift and you'll stop wanting to be with men doesn't make a person bisexual...”

My sentiments exactly…me enjoying sex with a woman doesn’t make me bisexual. I have understood “Bisexual” to mean it is an orientation, not just a description of who you might be attracted to sexually. I believe it implies not only the sexual attraction, but also the emotional and romantic component.

It’s interesting though, how many of those who responded base the label on just sexual attraction or behavior.

Maybe that’s where the discord comes about- some people think about bisexuality as an orientation, and some just as a description of possibilities of attraction. When viewed as an orientation, it is looked at in a much different light. A bi person not only is attracted to both genders, but they feel connected to either gender in romantic and emotional ways. And, they “see themselves” as getting relationship fulfillment in all ways with either gender.

If you view bisexuality as merely a sexual preference, then that’s when I can see how it wouldn’t matter one bit really, because I think most people can be at least somewhat sexually attracted to either gender, just by varying amounts. I think it’s actually rare for someone to never be able to muster one iota of (strictly speaking) sexual attraction to either gender if they are open and free enough with themselves to be conscious about it. I didn’t say it’s not possible, but I think it’s rare.

But I couldn’t be in a serious “in love” relationship with a guy that identifies as gay (not just because he wouldn’t be into me), but because he wouldn’t be capable of the intimacy that I would want in that kind of relationship, because of his orientation- meaning, how he identifies as a person and his inability to connect with me that way.
I could though, be in a serious “in love” relationship with a bi man, because his orientation would potentially allow that kind of connection with me.


For more on the sexual “fluidity” concept, which refers more to just sexual behavior and not orientation: http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/ho...idity.html
Here’s an excerpt:
“…Another claim in the Slate piece is what appears to be endorsement of the idea that sexual fluidity is merely just bisexuality. This claim is false. Everyone has a sexual orientation (e.g., straight, gay/lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and others), but the degree to which a person is sexually fluid is a separate variable that operates alongside sexual orientation. Some people are highly fluid, while others are less fluid.”

[MikeW]

I’m curious, would you consider that you “fell in love” with Mindy even though you now have a brother/sister relationship? I mean, was it always brother/sister and you just didn’t really realize that at the time? You said you weren’t sexually attracted to her, but do you think you were in love with her? Did she know you weren’t sexually attracted to her, or is that something that she became aware of when you broke up? I’m sorry for all the personal questions- I’m a super curious person by nature and I like to try to fully understand things. Totally get it if you don’t want to get that deep here.

I don't mind your asking, its just that you're asking about a state of mind that's nearly 40 years in the past.

Yes, we certainly felt that we were in love in a more than familial way. Yes she knew I was gay and wasn't particularly attracted to her. I wouldn't go so far as to say I wasn't attracted to her at all sexually. It's a bit more complicated. What I said was I don't fantasize about women and never have and still don't. That doesn't mean I don't know an attractive woman when I see one, I do. Mindy was an exceptionally attractive woman to me. For one thing, she had many rather masculine characteristics... She was (is) smart, perceptive, creative, independent, incredible body, wonderful smile, and could easily dominate other men. (I've actually seen her grab a man by the throat and lift him off the ground in anger. LOL!!) Many straight men were both envious of me (she was that hot) AND somewhat terrified of her (more than one confided this to me). She wasn't the kind of woman who would let a man take charge or her life in any way shape or form... and I wasn't the kind of man who had any interest or inclination in doing so. One of the things she loves about me, BTW. More over, I was young and horny a lot so, having sex with her wasn't THAT much of a problem... but, no, it wasn't something I usually initiated. She had two brief affairs during our being together and after spending a night with the other (straight) guys she'd come back to me saying there was no way in fucking hell she could love either of the "dicks" (she called them).

Our separation came about because I felt I needed to explore my homosexuality. During the ten years we were together, I never went outside the relationship for sex. (Even though she not only had given me permission to do so, she'd actually encouraged it. To me it was just too confusing and, although I had a few crushes here and there, I never acted on them. I believe the reason I'm alive today is because I was NOT sexually active as a homosexual between 1976 and 1986. By that time, "safer sex" was understood... even having had an HIV+ partner, I remain negative.)

She was VERY angry with me when I made this decision to "redefine" our relationship. She has some serious abandonment issues I won't go into. However, although it was a rocky separation, we got through that. For one thing because she discovered that my love for her had not diminished, but simply become platonic.

I don't know if that answers your question. Hopefully it fills out the picture a bit more.