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08-24-2015, 08:13 AM

East Wrote:SILENCE = DEATH
...

I want to thank you for that. Sharing something so painful...and personal...it is a gift.

If everyone used their voice...we could change the world overnight....

^^Ditto to what East has said...

Thank you Virge, so much, for sharing.
Peace to you.

08-24-2015, 08:23 AM

I'd sell my nuts just to be able get someone to "take it away." This is the first time I've done a EPA dump on civilians in ages. Sorry. I wish I hadn't done it but I can't take it back now.

Do you understand that deep in my heart I love everybody? Please don't think I'm some hating killing monster. That was war and that's what war is about. As civilians you aren't supposed to understand it or how someone like me can say "i should have killed more of them.

It's my bag of rocks to haul the rest of my life. Sorry I dumped it here on you guys. It was all because I woke up this morning with my shoulder blades aching so bad I couldn't do anything but pant like a dog to breathe. .......... and the military forum for guys like me was down - moving to a bigger-better-site.

If you guys want to do anything to help me all you have to do is love each down from the bottom of your souls and write about once in a while. That's all. I need to hear that 50000000000000000 times a day. just love everyone you know no matter how much you think you need to hate them. I know that doesn't make sense to some of you right now today on August 23, 2015. Just remember I asked you to do it... and do it.

I'm in a deep dark purple hole right now you civilians don't know exists. You don't want to know about it. It's totally stupid. I spent the day whacking prairie dogs from 200+ meters thinking about all this. You may not see see the relationship real quick. Imagine being tied up with your cut off dick stuck in your mouth before a 10 foot wall of bricks is pushed over on you for being a teen caught sucking one and .........being told Stand Down................. Then try to be a fluffy commenter to a an OP about his 564832 year online jerk off affair with another fag 200 miles away...... and they have never spent $40 bucks on gas to get a nut......... Excuse me for having an opinion about stupid shit.

MikeW · 08-24-2015, 08:37 PM

Virge Wrote:...I'm in a deep dark purple hole right now you civilians don't know exists. You don't want to know about it. It's totally stupid....

I don't understand why you call it "stupid". You've been wounded, soldier. Some wounds, sometimes the most important ones, aren't of the flesh.

I'll say this, too. We've all been wounded, deeply. Not like your wounds, for sure, but they are deep and painful and often hidden behind the lies we tell ourselves and one another. I use the phrase, "Wounded warriors of love."

I forgive you. Not because I'm all powerful but because I'm human. I forgive you for what you've done, what you were made to do, and for what you didn't do but wanted to. It's all just oceans of pain; the whole planet is bathed in it and has been for eons. You may or may not have any idea what I'm talking about or how I know. But trust me, I know.

There is another side. There is peace, love, forgiveness, true intelligence (not thought, clarity). There is real hope and real wisdom... and it begins, always, with self awareness and self acceptance. Most men sleep-walk through life. It's safer to live in a world of dreams and self-delusions. You'll have your share, as we all do; but you're not going to be able to dodge this particular bullet. It's in your heart already. And that's ok. Sometimes it has to break to let the true light in.

jimcrackcorn · 08-24-2015, 08:39 PM

You did the right thing; you followed orders and stood-down. It still sucks having to stand by and watch the crap unfold without being able to rectify the situation............ It's what a good Marine does.

You have my respect, and my tears for what you had to do as a Marine, and what you have to bare as a Marine Veteran.

Respectfully,
Jim

ceez · 08-25-2015, 02:23 AM

we love you [MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION]

Bighug

08-25-2015, 05:15 AM

MikeW Wrote:There is another side. There is peace, love, forgiveness, true intelligence (not thought, clarity). There is real hope and real wisdom... and it begins, always, with self awareness and self acceptance. Most men sleep-walk through life. It's safer to live in a world of dreams and self-delusions. You'll have your share, as we all do; but you're not going to be able to dodge this particular bullet. It's in your heart already. And that's ok. Sometimes it has to break to let the true light in.

Brilliant...and worth repeating 1000 times.....

08-25-2015, 04:28 PM

I apologize for the toxic dump I did here. Welcome to PTSD. I finally feel like part of the human race again this morning. Now for the clean up.

Thanks to everyone for kind words and thoughts. It's never just one thing that sets me off. This time it was our friend from Syria who's in France and was robbed and cut up bad... then an article I stumbled up on about a anti-gay facebook page and maybe a few other small things. Before I realize it, I'm always up to my neck in it. I don't get violent. I just get into a hormone fueled state of panic, fear, confusion and loss. Then it's time to hit the drugs, lose 36 to 48 hours doing nothing but sleeping. I know I didn't eat or drink anything since Sunday and still not hungry or thirsty now.

Let's all just let it go if you don't mind. Trying to talk about it has never helped me much. I feel pretty good today. Just keeping the TV off and as soon as I get a shower, I'm going to spend the day with another vet, cleaning up out at the farm and maybe do some fishing....

Later.

V

LONDONER · 08-25-2015, 05:06 PM

Virge Wrote:I apologize for the toxic dump I did here. Welcome to PTSD. I finally feel like part of the human race again this morning. Now for the clean up.

Thanks to everyone for kind words and thoughts. It's never just one thing that sets me off. This time it was our friend from Syria who's in France and was robbed and cut up bad... then an article I stumbled up on about a anti-gay facebook page and maybe a few other small things. Before I realize it, I'm always up to my neck in it. I don't get violent. I just get into a hormone fueled state of panic, fear, confusion and loss. Then it's time to hit the drugs, lose 36 to 48 hours doing nothing but sleeping. I know I didn't eat or drink anything since Sunday and still not hungry or thirsty now.

Let's all just let it go if you don't mind. Trying to talk about it has never helped me much. I feel pretty good today. Just keeping the TV off and as soon as I get a shower, I'm going to spend the day with another vet, cleaning up out at the farm and maybe do some fishing....

Later.

V

If I were nearer I would offer you one of my fantasatic stress relieving Shiatsu treatments. Pity it can't be done from a distance, it's very much "hands on".

08-26-2015, 01:52 AM

I don't have it in me to do what you have done. Others have said what I wish to say. I have no right to comment beyond that.

Camfer · 08-26-2015, 03:10 PM

Virge Wrote:I'm going to spend the day with another vet, cleaning up out at the farm and maybe do some fishing....

Later.

V

Hope you had a good day, Virgzilla. I bet the ravens and turkey vultures already cleaned up all the prairie dogs out at the farm. Please at least try to keep some food and water in you. Take good care of yourself.

Glad you're feeling better!