Side-piece

[wayward]

As to why I originally posted in anonymous setting, one has to warm up to the prospect of ridicule. I do err at times and integrity is important to me. I hide as little as possible within my standard of prudence. I often expect an impeccable manner from myself and it is hard to dissuade that dysfunction.

[Anocxu]

Omg! [MENTION=21087]wayward[/MENTION] ?
You are the other woman!
*Sigh*

[Anocxu]

On a serious note.. [MENTION=21087]wayward[/MENTION]
Is this the guy that was your birthday hotel room hookup ?

[wayward]

It's not what I set out to do, believe me.

[LJay]

Wayward, I fail to see why anyone should ridicule you for hooking up with a guy you believed to be also single. You did not, from what you have said, do it intentionally. You gotta trust the guys here to understand that things like do happen sometimes. As for your integrity, you seem to have maintained it admirably. You also seem to have made it clear to the guy that he needed to clean up his act. Good job.

Now please, please, just be yourself. No reason to be shy here, believe me.

[Anocxu]

Hey ..
If you didn't know there's nothing you can do about it now.

This experience will make you smarter ..
People can be extremely deceptive.

[Bhp91126]

I once had a relationship with a married man. I always knew he was married. My thoughts were that I was helping him coming to terms with what's what and also to stay with his wife and son. He broke up with me after a couple of months, divorced his wife some time later and had a boyfriend.

[TigerLover]

Obviously someone bears absolutely no responsibility for sleeping with him before they knew he was married. Yet there's still a tendency to think of the side-piece as an unwitting accomplice. He's not he is another victim. The side piece is tricked just as the wife is.

If the side-piece knows it's tempting to think that since the exclusivity agreement is between man and wife it's up to the husband to maintain it. Therefore you're not doing anything wrong, after all you never agreed to anything so you're not betraying anyone.

And technically you'd be right you have no responsibility to the wife or the health of their marriage. However in reality you would be aiding him in secretly violating that agreement, becoming an accomplice to the "crime". Like acting as look out for a burglar, sure you're not the one nicking the TV set but that doesn't mean you can claim innocence.

Plus there's the simple fact that I would immediately think a lot less of someone if they told me they were willingly a married man's rarebit. I mean Jesus have some self-respect are you really so desperate you want some chick's leftovers.

[Anocxu]

I My thoughts were that I was helping him coming to terms with what's what and also to stay with his wife and son.

Honestly..
This cofused me..

I would think it's his responsibility to sort out his sexuality ..maybe through counselling?

Did you feel guilty about the relationship?

[Bhp91126]

Honestly..
This cofused me..

I would think it's his responsibility to sort out his sexuality ..maybe through counselling?

Did you feel guilty about the relationship?

Nope. No guilt. Because I "helped" him cheat? Sorry, but that was his issue to sort out. I was always able to separate sex from love and think others can, too. While he was with me he was never conflicted, he didn't feel like a failure or a CHEATER. I also believe that you can love more than 1 person at a time. And that it takes way more than love and sex to have a successful relationship.

What's wrong about him figuring out his sexuality in the field, with experimentation instead of in theory? Btw, this was in Germany, where 'counseling' is not widely known or used.