I like a guy who has HIV..

[ca1050]

Hey fellas!
I have been talking to a really cool guy via a dating app. We made a good connection since we have a lot in common. I finally met him one afternoon and ended up staying the night at his place. All we did was cuddle all night and practically all of the next day (which he said was amazing). It was rather amazing how well we hit it off. He is everything I would look for in a person. We ended up kissing a lot. From a make-out session to just pecks on the check. It was a great romantic time!
Here is where it gets upsetting, during one of our make-out sessions, he was almost asking me to have sex with him. He told me he wanted to. Then he admitted to me that he has HIV. I was incredibly shocked since I was certainly not expecting that. Here I am with this amazing guy and just had the best night ever, and so far just a great morning with, and he has HIV, which means no sex.
Sex is not everything. But, it is nice especially if you find someone you really like which I have. I don't know what his expectation was for me after I found out he had HIV, but I know it didn't go as he was expecting. After he told me, I just laid there for a few seconds trying to figure out if this was real or not. Then, I just leaned up and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me and broke into tears. He told me that I wouldn't know how much that one kiss meant to him. I even teared up. I told him that just because he had HIV didn't mean I was just going to leave and never talk to him again. He cried some more, and then we went on with the rest of the day cuddling and talking.
I do care for this guy. We hit it off immediately and I can feel the mutual attraction and likeness for one another. But, I am scared because he has HIV. If we were to develop into a relationship, we would have to continually deal with us not being able to be with one another in the most romantic way. This is killing me because HIV can also be life threatening. What if I get really close or fall in love with this guy and his disease gets worse, develops, or even I somehow contract it?? Should I risk all of that? Should I just stay friends and try not to fall for him (which will be hard)? I will not just stop talking to him because he has HIV. That is shallow, cruel, and not fair to him. I am not that kind of person. I also have to keep in mind that I am bi and could potentially find a girl I fall in love with and could have a family with.

Thank you all!

[Anocxu]

One thing you should probably do is educate yourself properly about HIV then continue posting.

In all honesty..
You probably should have done so before starting this thread..

What gave away your knowledge on the matter was your comment about starting a family..

Anyhoo ..
I'll stop here..

[ca1050]

What gave away your knowledge on the matter was your comment about starting a family..

My comment about starting a family has nothing in relation to HIV, but to the fact that I am BI and could potentially fall in love with a girl and have children.
My reasoning for making this point is that I am not limiting myself to only men because I find women attractive. Thus, I could not worry about dating this guy or getting into a serious relationship (I don't have to worry about "well I found a guy I like, I probably won't find another, so I should stick with him..") because I could potentially fall for a girl one day.
In addition, I do know about HIV. I am but slightly paranoid and scared, thus my reasoning for asking for advice.

[Cobalt]

My only real piece of advice: if you date someone who is HIV positive prepare to also be HIV positive. Now this doesn't mean you're definitely going to get HIV, it is simply a mental preparation of what could be. If you're terrified at the prospect and believe you couldn't go on living if you were diagnosed with the disease, then leave this guy be. Some people are terrified of getting HIV, yet sleep around unprotected and are too scared to get tested believing it won't happen to them if they don't get tested and think they're invincible. Others are cautious yet date or even marry an HIV positive person and get tested regularly and never contract the disease. Just figure out what kind of person you are. If you think HIV would make your life no longer worth living or too high of a risk for you to take, don't chance it on someone who you know to be positive. Move on. If you choose to pursue this guy, don't go crying if you end up with the disease. You played with fire.

Best of luck in which ever path you choose. Only you know what's best for you.

[Camfer]

... Here I am with this amazing guy and just had the best night ever, and so far just a great morning with, and he has HIV, which means no sex.
...If we were to develop into a relationship, we would have to continually deal with us not being able to be with one another in the most romantic way. This is killing me because HIV can also be life threatening. What if I get really close or fall in love with this guy and his disease gets worse, develops, or even I somehow contract it?? Should I risk all of that?

I don't believe that you or some of the other posters here are educated about the true risks of HIV infection at this time. Allow me to give you a starting point for your own research.

HIV at this point is just a lifelong manageable virus that some people have, and they end up living a full life and dying of something else. Serosorting is not a feasible strategy, because (a) a large percentage of people don't know they have the virus and (b) those who test, are sexually active, and are not on PrEP have information that is only current for some date in the past, as the standard tests don't detect recent infections. You should assume that all your partners are poz and take appropriate precautions.

Your statement of "He has HIV so that means no sex" really bears further reflection. That's why it's good you've posted here. If you have had multiple gay sex partners, chances are that you have already had sex with a poz guy. You can't tell by looking at someone, and you can't really know someone's status just by asking them. People can lie, and people don't know.

The fact that this guy disclosed his status is helpful, but really I'm not sure that should change anything for you. Here's why:

Sero-discordant couples have strategies that will pretty much eliminate the risk of infection from the poz guy to the neg guy. Recent studies tend to point to the minimal possibility of being infected from a guy whose viral load is considered "undetectable." A person with HIV who is meticulous at taking his meds, gets his blood tested regularly to confirm his "undetecable" status, and is monogamous with you, well that could probably be a very low risk situation for you.

Also we are now in the era of Tasp and PrEP. Any man who has sex with men ought to look at these regimens to determine what is right for him. There is medication one can take now that would prevent a guy from seroconverting if he were exposed to HIV.

Then you have the conception that you could not be with each other in the most romantic way. I am not sure exactly what you mean. If you mean anal sex without a condom then again I point you to further research on the topics above.

Now for the fear that your potential partner is going to get some disease and die, well that risk is there with anyone. Maybe it's not complication from HIV. Maybe it's cancer or leukemia or ebola, or influenza or a car wreck or whatever. If you think you can't handle your partner facing serious medical issues or death, then are you really ready to be in a serious relationship with anyone? This bears a lot more reflection.

I am in a long-term monogamous relationship with a man and we are both neg. 20 years ago I might have thought the way you are thinking now. But medicine has made a lot of advances in 20 years.

If I were single today and met an amazing guy, connected well with him, and he was poz and I was neg, I'd be meeting with him and his doctor together, meeting with my doctor, researching PrEp and TasP, and coming to a complete understanding of the risks involved.

Sorry for the novella here but there was a lot to cover. Get yourself educated. Then you can make informed decisions with both your head and your heart.

[Beaux]

Oh, for heaven's sake! I am married to a HIV+ man, while I remain HIV-.

Now, while it is true that the group of people most likely to contract HIV are those who are HIV- but are in a committed, LTR with a person who is HIV+.

Which is why.....I am on PrEP. In this last study on the drug, which has lasted 2.5 years thus far, ZERO participants have contracted HIV, even though a rather significant nu,vet of the participants of the study are like myself (HIV- but married to a HIV+ person).

~Beaux

[andresrey]

I understand your fear, you're probably not too well informed about HIV or how it works, or maybe the only thing you know about it is the little you've heard on TV or read on internet. Well, I think this is more about a personal issue, what you do, whether it is to start a relationship with him or not, is completely up to you.

Of course you can have intimacy with your partner, is just about being careful, is demonstrated that a properly and continue use of condom will reduce (not eliminate) the possibilities of transmitting HIV. Also, I don't know if you've heard of PrEP, it is a way for people who don’t have HIV to prevent HIV infection by taking a pill every day. This pill is also taken by HIV patients. Is just about being careful and consistent in having a healthy practice! But as I said, what you decide is based on your views respect this issue.

[Radbot42]

educate yourself, and then date him if you want to. Just save the sex for the future. Save it for if you fall in love and could see yourself spending your life with him. There are certain things you can do without worrying about risking. Just get creative so it's not just jerking each other off.

[Edward]

Well, personally I wouldn't date guy with HIV, no matter how wonderful he'd be. With all the precautions the risk might be low but it's still there. For me, my life and health will always be more important than any relationships. And you have to decide for yourself whether you want to take this risk.

[TigerLover]

While science can't quite cure HIV yet* they have developed a range of drugs that essentially beat down the virus to the point that it can only survive in significant numbers in a few small areas of the body. Provided your friend is consistently taking these treatments the odds of you getting infected are extremely low. Still I'd use a condom though, no reason to take the risk. I would tell you more but frankly [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] seems better informed. I just wanted to de-jargon his post.

Also one bisexual to another, trying to specifically decide on a gender to settle down with is just gonna twist your brain into knots. You should really choose on a person by person basis.

*Although there are a few promising new attempts, my favorite being injecting drugs directly into the lymph nodes with the use of a tiny laser.