I wrote this in my blog. So I thought I would like to share my experience with others. Sorry, English is not my first language.
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Let’s Talk About Bullying
“One more week before marathon…one more week…” I muttered under my breath while packing sweaty clothes into my gym bag.
I have been training really hard for weeks to prepare myself for the upcoming Standard Chartered Marathon on the 4th October 2015. This marathon will be my second marathon. I did my first marathon on last 22nd March 2015 and I was able to complete the 10km long distance run within 74 minutes.
Home sweet home is miles away from gym but I still insist of walking home.
Walking means a lot to me as I struggled to walk when I was morbid obese. Besides, walking is a good self therapy. There’s an old saying that goes, “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.”
As I was walking home, I saw several common faces hanging around at a food stall nearby my house. My house is situated few blocks away from small shops and restaurants. It’s a lively place at night with people; young and old, spending their time together eating and chatting together.
“Those faces are so familiar to me…” I thought.
I took another glance at them to confirm what I was seeing. Yes, I know these men. They were my schoolmates.
Their appearances no longer resemble to who they were. They used to be school jocks. They were sportsmen. They had the best bodies among high school students. They were fit and muscular all around. But now, they are vice versa. They have bellies and all. One of them looks almost exactly like who I was then.
But I remember them more than just schoolmates and sportsmen. I remember them mostly as bullies. I spent five years being bullied by all of them in high school.
Bullying is Not Okay
Bullying is a subject that is close to my heart but I thought; best forgotten as I was a victim of bullying since I was in primary school until well, few years ago.
I was an easy target due to many factors but mainly for being obese and also due to my left leg injury. Mind you, I see myself as a healthy normal person but some people do consider me as a disabled man. That was the reason why I was hunted by a Paralympics recruiter in 2013. The recruiter even told me that I can get free allowance from our government for being disabled. Anyway my ‘disability’ creates a lot of attention among bullies.
In my case, bullying didn’t only happen in school territory. It gets uglier when I stepped outside of the school gate. I was bullied by the public; the adults, neighbors and strangers.
I've never spoken about bullying because I had the same thoughts as most of other victims; no one really cares about us and no one really understand how it feels to be bullied by people around you. I also didn’t want to speak about bullying because it was an embarrassing subject to be discussed. I didn’t want to be seen as a whiner or weak.
Personally, I thought that most people don’t realize on how serious bullying is. Some people and even the bullies themselves consider bullying as poking fun among friends. Well my friends, there are limits to have fun and not everyone can take your ‘joke’ as a joke because everyone is different.
Anyway as I grow older, I realized that I have the responsibility to speak up and help the other victims who are struggling with their lives every single day. I’ve had a very rough life as a victim of bullying but I survived the whole ordeal. But not everyone is lucky as I am.
The statistics of bullying and suicide are disturbing. Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies from Yale University. In United States alone, suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide Prevention, “Youth Suicide”
. From what I've read, for every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
The Impact of Bullying
Bullying left quite an impact on me.
There was a reason why my outstanding grades fell sharp in the middle of high school years. It was because I could not handle the pressure of being bullied in school.
To avoid bullying, I played truant a lot. I called in sick many times. I did everything within my power to avoid stepping outside my house.
When I was 10 years old, I received a death wish from an old man who owns a grocery shop in front of my house. According to him, I deserve to die quickly because I was an overweight kid. I went to his grocery shop all by myself to buy some eggs. His death wish was way too much for a 10 year old kid.
But it didn’t stop there.
As I was walking home in confusion, I heard a lady called for me. She was doing laundry at her lawn. I think she was around mid 20 to 30.
“Hey you, kid. Yes, you…what do you eat at home?” She asked
“…Rice.” I answered bluntly.
She smirked. “Well I eat rice too. But you don’t see me being fat like you do!”
I took a few steps back; I was in shock. I hurriedly went home and cried my eyes out against my fluffy white pillows.
In high school, I was the usual target by Abu Zahid and his jock friends. Yes, I still remember his name because he was the leader of his gang.
Abu was the complete package of what (almost) every male student wants to be. He was a school prefect with good grades and a school’s sportsman. He was good looking and physically fit. He makes sure that I know that - crystal clear.
I remember when Abu approached me with his other friends in school’s football field. He showed me his abs and sneered at me. "...Look at my abs…”
He rubbed his almost six pack abs up and down whilst looking at me. “…Dream on for having it.”
It was difficult to avoid Abu and his friends because they were also my classmates. So I was trapped most of the time. They physically and verbally bullied me in class when our teachers were not around.
The best way to reduce chances of getting bullied is by looking down on the floor and not making eye contact with any of them in class.
I was slightly released from their grasp in fourth year of high school when they discovered a new kid to bully – A student named Bazli. He was our new classmate who just returned from United States. I cannot forget how Abu and his friends threw away Bazli’s backpack, books and stationary into a dustbin.
I felt sorry for Bazli but I didn’t help him out because I was scared and had to protect myself. I’m ashamed to say this but, I was actually relieved that Abu and his friends found a new person to bully.
When I was in high school, I had three best friends. Strange thing is even though we were best friends; two of my friends did not hesitate to bully me for fun. They once mocked the way I walk. They ‘limped’ themselves and laughed all the way. I was really embarrassed at the time.
There was another bully incident, which also involved both of them. A younger student witnessed the incident and she was unhappy with what she saw.
She asked me, “Why did you let these two do such thing to you?”
“They are my best friends.” I answered quietly.
“Best friends? You should drop them as your friends. They don’t deserve to be called as friends.” She said.
I understood and I even questioned myself. But that was about it. I didn’t drop them as my friends.
Bullying actually gets worse as I grow older. From 2005 upward, I had to brave myself to do exercise and brisk walk in a public park nearby my house. My weight was reaching 165kg (363 lbs) at the time hence why I determined to brisk walk in a public park.
Doing exercise in a public park exposes me to harsh words from strangers all the time. There was a time when I was followed by two strangers from behind. They mimicked the way I walk. The strangers had a blast making fun of me on that day.
So this is where my music comes in to rescue me. This is the main reason why you always see me with earphones listening to music out loud. It is to keep me away from listening to harsh words from people around me. I slowly moved away from my earphones in 2011. But last year’s incident, which occurs in a gym, forces me to listen to music once again. I felt so much pressure without it. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my workout.
Bullying changes its character as time goes by. People stopped making fun of my body as I lost weight but my face was heavily criticized by few people around me. This incident started in 2007 and only ended in the middle of 2012.
I was told that there was something wrong with my face therefore it requires to go through a surgical knife to correct it. As a result, I wasn’t keen of my face for years. It did cross my mind to go through a plastic surgery to do an enhancement on my face. For years, it was discomforting to hear people say that I’m good looking when my mind has already being programmed to think otherwise due to what few other people have said.
Not to forget the incident that I had to go through in 2014. It was the darkest year in my entire life. I never thought that I had to go through multiple bullies all over again – in my workplace, from my own friends and also strangers. Last year's incident crushes me into despair. Thankfully I am a very strong person and was able to bounce back after months of feeling down and tearing myself apart.
I Survived Bullying
Now you should understand why I’m a soft spoken person. I had gone through a lot and I do not want to treat other people the same way too. That’s the reason why my kindness can be nauseous.
After 2014’s incident, I built a new strength and become a new person. I become immune to bullying. However, you can still see traces of fear deep in my eyes.
I’ve never spoken about my experience in bullying to my family until this year.
My mother was watching a South Korean movie where a high school student was getting bullied by few other students. She wondered why the victim didn’t fight back and eventually concludes that bullying as such is an exaggerating scenario.
“Mother, it does happen and it can happen.” I said quietly to her while I was eating my dinner few feet away from her.
“… And how do you know?” She was still glued to the movie.
I took a deep breath.
“I was bullied just like that in the past...”
She went silent for few seconds.
She didn’t expect such thing to happen in her own family.
“Why didn’t you back?” She asked.
“One versus few boys, mother…”I replied.
Closure
When I saw those faces, I could simply confront them and tell them who I am.
I could tell them that I was the guy that they loved to bully all around. I could have attacked them verbally because their current bodies no longer resemble to what they used to be.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t do it because I am secure and confident with myself. I don’t need to put others down to make myself feel better. Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top.
To every kid out there; never be bullied into silence. Do not allow yourself to be made of a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.
If you are being bullied by someone, talk to someone. I know it’s hard but bullying will not end until you say, “Stop. I’ve had enough with bullying.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let’s Talk About Bullying
“One more week before marathon…one more week…” I muttered under my breath while packing sweaty clothes into my gym bag.
I have been training really hard for weeks to prepare myself for the upcoming Standard Chartered Marathon on the 4th October 2015. This marathon will be my second marathon. I did my first marathon on last 22nd March 2015 and I was able to complete the 10km long distance run within 74 minutes.
Home sweet home is miles away from gym but I still insist of walking home.
Walking means a lot to me as I struggled to walk when I was morbid obese. Besides, walking is a good self therapy. There’s an old saying that goes, “All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking.”
As I was walking home, I saw several common faces hanging around at a food stall nearby my house. My house is situated few blocks away from small shops and restaurants. It’s a lively place at night with people; young and old, spending their time together eating and chatting together.
“Those faces are so familiar to me…” I thought.
I took another glance at them to confirm what I was seeing. Yes, I know these men. They were my schoolmates.
Their appearances no longer resemble to who they were. They used to be school jocks. They were sportsmen. They had the best bodies among high school students. They were fit and muscular all around. But now, they are vice versa. They have bellies and all. One of them looks almost exactly like who I was then.
But I remember them more than just schoolmates and sportsmen. I remember them mostly as bullies. I spent five years being bullied by all of them in high school.
Bullying is Not Okay
Bullying is a subject that is close to my heart but I thought; best forgotten as I was a victim of bullying since I was in primary school until well, few years ago.
I was an easy target due to many factors but mainly for being obese and also due to my left leg injury. Mind you, I see myself as a healthy normal person but some people do consider me as a disabled man. That was the reason why I was hunted by a Paralympics recruiter in 2013. The recruiter even told me that I can get free allowance from our government for being disabled. Anyway my ‘disability’ creates a lot of attention among bullies.
In my case, bullying didn’t only happen in school territory. It gets uglier when I stepped outside of the school gate. I was bullied by the public; the adults, neighbors and strangers.
I've never spoken about bullying because I had the same thoughts as most of other victims; no one really cares about us and no one really understand how it feels to be bullied by people around you. I also didn’t want to speak about bullying because it was an embarrassing subject to be discussed. I didn’t want to be seen as a whiner or weak.
Personally, I thought that most people don’t realize on how serious bullying is. Some people and even the bullies themselves consider bullying as poking fun among friends. Well my friends, there are limits to have fun and not everyone can take your ‘joke’ as a joke because everyone is different.
Anyway as I grow older, I realized that I have the responsibility to speak up and help the other victims who are struggling with their lives every single day. I’ve had a very rough life as a victim of bullying but I survived the whole ordeal. But not everyone is lucky as I am.
The statistics of bullying and suicide are disturbing. Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies from Yale University. In United States alone, suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide Prevention, “Youth Suicide”
. From what I've read, for every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.The Impact of Bullying
Bullying left quite an impact on me.
There was a reason why my outstanding grades fell sharp in the middle of high school years. It was because I could not handle the pressure of being bullied in school.
To avoid bullying, I played truant a lot. I called in sick many times. I did everything within my power to avoid stepping outside my house.
When I was 10 years old, I received a death wish from an old man who owns a grocery shop in front of my house. According to him, I deserve to die quickly because I was an overweight kid. I went to his grocery shop all by myself to buy some eggs. His death wish was way too much for a 10 year old kid.
But it didn’t stop there.
As I was walking home in confusion, I heard a lady called for me. She was doing laundry at her lawn. I think she was around mid 20 to 30.
“Hey you, kid. Yes, you…what do you eat at home?” She asked
“…Rice.” I answered bluntly.
She smirked. “Well I eat rice too. But you don’t see me being fat like you do!”
I took a few steps back; I was in shock. I hurriedly went home and cried my eyes out against my fluffy white pillows.
In high school, I was the usual target by Abu Zahid and his jock friends. Yes, I still remember his name because he was the leader of his gang.
Abu was the complete package of what (almost) every male student wants to be. He was a school prefect with good grades and a school’s sportsman. He was good looking and physically fit. He makes sure that I know that - crystal clear.
I remember when Abu approached me with his other friends in school’s football field. He showed me his abs and sneered at me. "...Look at my abs…”
He rubbed his almost six pack abs up and down whilst looking at me. “…Dream on for having it.”
It was difficult to avoid Abu and his friends because they were also my classmates. So I was trapped most of the time. They physically and verbally bullied me in class when our teachers were not around.
The best way to reduce chances of getting bullied is by looking down on the floor and not making eye contact with any of them in class.
I was slightly released from their grasp in fourth year of high school when they discovered a new kid to bully – A student named Bazli. He was our new classmate who just returned from United States. I cannot forget how Abu and his friends threw away Bazli’s backpack, books and stationary into a dustbin.
I felt sorry for Bazli but I didn’t help him out because I was scared and had to protect myself. I’m ashamed to say this but, I was actually relieved that Abu and his friends found a new person to bully.
When I was in high school, I had three best friends. Strange thing is even though we were best friends; two of my friends did not hesitate to bully me for fun. They once mocked the way I walk. They ‘limped’ themselves and laughed all the way. I was really embarrassed at the time.
There was another bully incident, which also involved both of them. A younger student witnessed the incident and she was unhappy with what she saw.
She asked me, “Why did you let these two do such thing to you?”
“They are my best friends.” I answered quietly.
“Best friends? You should drop them as your friends. They don’t deserve to be called as friends.” She said.
I understood and I even questioned myself. But that was about it. I didn’t drop them as my friends.
Bullying actually gets worse as I grow older. From 2005 upward, I had to brave myself to do exercise and brisk walk in a public park nearby my house. My weight was reaching 165kg (363 lbs) at the time hence why I determined to brisk walk in a public park.
Doing exercise in a public park exposes me to harsh words from strangers all the time. There was a time when I was followed by two strangers from behind. They mimicked the way I walk. The strangers had a blast making fun of me on that day.
So this is where my music comes in to rescue me. This is the main reason why you always see me with earphones listening to music out loud. It is to keep me away from listening to harsh words from people around me. I slowly moved away from my earphones in 2011. But last year’s incident, which occurs in a gym, forces me to listen to music once again. I felt so much pressure without it. I wasn’t able to concentrate on my workout.
Bullying changes its character as time goes by. People stopped making fun of my body as I lost weight but my face was heavily criticized by few people around me. This incident started in 2007 and only ended in the middle of 2012.
I was told that there was something wrong with my face therefore it requires to go through a surgical knife to correct it. As a result, I wasn’t keen of my face for years. It did cross my mind to go through a plastic surgery to do an enhancement on my face. For years, it was discomforting to hear people say that I’m good looking when my mind has already being programmed to think otherwise due to what few other people have said.
Not to forget the incident that I had to go through in 2014. It was the darkest year in my entire life. I never thought that I had to go through multiple bullies all over again – in my workplace, from my own friends and also strangers. Last year's incident crushes me into despair. Thankfully I am a very strong person and was able to bounce back after months of feeling down and tearing myself apart.
I Survived Bullying
Now you should understand why I’m a soft spoken person. I had gone through a lot and I do not want to treat other people the same way too. That’s the reason why my kindness can be nauseous.
After 2014’s incident, I built a new strength and become a new person. I become immune to bullying. However, you can still see traces of fear deep in my eyes.
I’ve never spoken about my experience in bullying to my family until this year.
My mother was watching a South Korean movie where a high school student was getting bullied by few other students. She wondered why the victim didn’t fight back and eventually concludes that bullying as such is an exaggerating scenario.
“Mother, it does happen and it can happen.” I said quietly to her while I was eating my dinner few feet away from her.
“… And how do you know?” She was still glued to the movie.
I took a deep breath.
“I was bullied just like that in the past...”
She went silent for few seconds.
She didn’t expect such thing to happen in her own family.
“Why didn’t you back?” She asked.
“One versus few boys, mother…”I replied.
Closure
When I saw those faces, I could simply confront them and tell them who I am.
I could tell them that I was the guy that they loved to bully all around. I could have attacked them verbally because their current bodies no longer resemble to what they used to be.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t do it because I am secure and confident with myself. I don’t need to put others down to make myself feel better. Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top.
To every kid out there; never be bullied into silence. Do not allow yourself to be made of a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.
If you are being bullied by someone, talk to someone. I know it’s hard but bullying will not end until you say, “Stop. I’ve had enough with bullying.”
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Pisces
![[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]](https://38.media.tumblr.com/d4f163772df4bb95fe71717adc7d7ca5/tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif)
. 