How do I come out?

[ChoirBoy224]

Okay so, I have known I was gay for quite some time now, but I'm afraid to come out. I'm pretty sure my mom knows, she has been quite.... Idk. She supports it but she is literally so busy trying to take care of the family because my dad is a dead beat. I'm afraid to come out to her though because she is soooo "old fashioned". It's like she lives in the 1980's. Everything seems gay to her. "OH Mom, For my birthday I wan't my ears pierced." Mom: Oh noo. That's gay. etc. I'm pretty sure you get the picture. And then, my dad is just.... UGH. Literally, he doesn't do shit for me, so I don't know why me telling him is important in any way. It's like he bullies me. Whenever we are doing something together, WHICH IS EXTREMELY RARE, He always ends up talking about gay people. He says really rude things; It's as if he knows I'm gay and he is trying to bully me to become straight. I'm pretty sure my brother knows, but He isn't uncomfortable at all. In fact, I think he is the only one who doesn't care because he loves me so much. I don't know where I would be without him either, to be honest, but back to my parents. My mom isn't against being gay, I think she actually supports it. Like one time, She sat down with me and asked me if I was gay, but I denied it. She believed me, but she was slightly "buzzed" at the time ,(She had a couple drinks...SHE ISN'T AN ALCOHOLIC BY THE WAY). My dad is literally the worst, but I don't think I care for his opinion on my sexuality as much as I care about my mother's. And then the worst part is trying to tell my family.... My uncles aren't very "accepting" if that makes sense, but one of my uncles has a son, my closest cousin, who I'm pretty sure is gay. He sat down with him and basically told him that if he was gay, he was going to hell and that there was nothing that he could do. Literally, I really need help. How do I do this? I'm sure it isn't a phase. Oh, and I have another cousin who I think is gay as well. Well, he may not be gay, he is just obsessed with ass. I know this is alot to process, but if you can, please help me. Thanks in advance.

[Ant]

Hey!

From what you have said it does sound like your mum already knows. My mum use to ask me before I came out, so even if you denied it, I think she probably still suspects. She was probably trying to help you come out, maybe she can see that you are struggling. Mums seems to have a way of knowing if things are bothering us. Again, with your brother, if you think he already knows, he probably does and as the relationship with him seems to be really good, then maybe he should be the first to know.
Have you told any of your friends?

With your dad, that is a different story! I think you need to focus on the people in your life that will support you. It sounds like you are not close. He will find out eventually and maybe he will surprise you or he will be someone that won't be in your life.

One thing to remember is that there is always people out there that will support you. I was 28 when I came out, and out of all my friends and family, no-one has reacted in a negative way. I think when we are in the closet, we focus so much on our sexuality it becomes a huge deal, but to others, it's not a big deal at all.

I do hope it all works out for you.

Ant

[IanSaysHi]

Hi

From my experience of coming out, you really have no idea how people will react in the end. I ended up having to come out to my Mum first. It's a long story but in summary my Mum confronted me one day and said she didn't know me anymore, I was constantly lying and keeping things from her etc etc and she was upset as we'd always been close. She asked if I was doing drugs or I'd got someone pregnant lol. This was over the phone - I with my ex who told me I had to go home and tell her the truth. So I did and it took AGES to tell her, and then I did and she was fine and hugged me and it seemed okay, if not just strange because obviously it was one of those big life moments. The next day she was a little upset, only because of the realisation, but she got over it and has been nothing but supportive since.

HOWEVER she said we'd never be able to tell my Dad (they were divorced but still amicable) as he'd always been... Well pretty much how your Dad sounds. Plus I didn't want to tell my sister, even though I thought she'd be accepting, because her husband had always used gay slurs... Anyway my Mum is very honest and I think keeping the secret ate away at her. One day when I was 22 (I think?) she picked me up from home to go to my sister's for dinner and just said "well I've told the family" ... I was confused but she explained that one day she just decided to tell my sister (who was fine), my brother in law (was fine) and even my Dad. My Dad's reaction was pensive I guess but he just said "well at least he's not flamboyant" or something like that.
My brother in law even presented me with some beers like it was some kind of celebration lol. It all felt very bizarre but like I say, not what I'd been expecting.

My advice would be to maybe tell your Mum first and then see what she thinks about maybe telling your brother next, or maybe your Dad too etc. But do it when you feel ready and best of luck!