12-02-2015, 07:15 AM
lol I'm actually kidding, it's not hard at all when you realize people don't care at all. I mean.. There will always be people who'll give you shit for it, but if they do that only means they're not worth keeping around... Why would you? Seriously? Even if it's a brother or sister, if they're narrow-minded enough to not love (or at least accept) their sibling regardless of their sexuality (which in my opinion is far from being a life definition) then they've got their own issues to solve, and will most likely come around if they truly care about you...
But that's not what I'm here to talk about...
I've known I'm not straight for so long I can't even remember how long it's been... I don't know if I'm gay, or pansexual, or asexual, but I'm 100% sure I'm not a "common" guy...
(I don't even feel the need to label my sexual orientation, though I feel that it's easier to just come out as "gay" to people because that's simpler for them to understand...)
The first person I ever came out to was my best friend (a girl), and even then I couldn't look at my reflection in the mirror and accept to myself that I was "gay". I came out to her before I came out to myself. Now I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not straight (whatever that means/wherever that lands) and I feel that the next step is to harmonize that part of me with the rest of my life. I've told all of my closest friends I'm "gay" and they've all been very accepting and even act like nothing's changed (I probably should note that everyone says I act "straight-er" than many straight guys they know, and even though I don't think behavior is necessarily tied to sexual-orientation I must admit it helps go under the radar (which is both useful and a curse) sometimes). I even came out to my male friends (which is way harder and riskier) and one of them even said he could introduce me to a guy he knows (lol he's the best, and his friend is hot) and was very supporting. I'm lucky to have friends like 'em.
But on the other hand, there's always family. The problem, in my opinion, is that everyone simply assumes one is straight by default. That's wrong. That hurts non-straight people unnecessarily, and makes it necessary for one to "come out". I'm against having to come out to people simply because it shouldn't be so hard to do. But that's just the revolutionary teenager inside of me telling me that the world should be better, and I gotta be a realist and accept that I will have to come out a few times through my life to avoid misunderstandings. I'm getting better at it by the second, coming out every single day to every single new person I meet (usually indirectly), and I'm getting used to it, but no matter how easy it gets it will always be the hardest to come out to my family.
I don't give a f*ck if my grandma knows, or if my cousins know (some of them are outed-gay-happy-people), and I don't care if my aunts or uncles know. I rarely see them and it wouldn't really affect me in any way. But I got a father, and a mother, and two little sisters to come out to (one's still too little and isn't a problem right now), and it feels like the boss battle at the end of a video game.
There have been way too many opportunities to "drop the bomb" with each one of them, but I can't seem to find the courage to do it. In fact, my oldest little sister basically came out to me as bisexual the other day ("I'd totally f*ck with girls if I had the chance" she said, and I got no reasons to believe she was kidding or that it isn't true...) and I wasn't able to tell her "same over here" or... Well, anything. I poker-faced, looked away and said nothing for the following 10 minutes... But I get the feeling it'll be easier for me to tell her after that, and I think the moment is coming soon.
But my parents, though... That's a whole other story.
Both my dad and my mom have talked about how "that people's got issues" and how they think "they probably got childhood traumas"... but, guess what? I had the best childhood possible, and they were awesome parents. No traumas, no issues (aside from the conflict it brings rather than is), and there's not a single thing I'd change. I feel so normal, and so at peace with who and how I am that it feels like they're insulting me. They talk about it like they're untouchable and like it's not even a real thing. My dad is grossed out by anything other than perfectly straight and "normal", and my mom couldn't be more judgmental because she'd explode. They keep asking where I hide my girlfriends, and why I never introduce them, and I reply that I don't have any hoping they'll translate that to "I'll never have one" or "I'M GAY FOR GOD'S SAKE!" or something...
Do I even need to come out to them?
Will it hurt them if I do?
Should I even care?
I think doing it would bring me peace, and I'm sick of doing or not doing stuff for other people. I've been told too many times that I need to live life for myself, and to be honest, I think it's way over time I start doing it. I'm f*cking ready to do it.
But that's not what I'm here to talk about...
I've known I'm not straight for so long I can't even remember how long it's been... I don't know if I'm gay, or pansexual, or asexual, but I'm 100% sure I'm not a "common" guy...
(I don't even feel the need to label my sexual orientation, though I feel that it's easier to just come out as "gay" to people because that's simpler for them to understand...)
The first person I ever came out to was my best friend (a girl), and even then I couldn't look at my reflection in the mirror and accept to myself that I was "gay". I came out to her before I came out to myself. Now I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not straight (whatever that means/wherever that lands) and I feel that the next step is to harmonize that part of me with the rest of my life. I've told all of my closest friends I'm "gay" and they've all been very accepting and even act like nothing's changed (I probably should note that everyone says I act "straight-er" than many straight guys they know, and even though I don't think behavior is necessarily tied to sexual-orientation I must admit it helps go under the radar (which is both useful and a curse) sometimes). I even came out to my male friends (which is way harder and riskier) and one of them even said he could introduce me to a guy he knows (lol he's the best, and his friend is hot) and was very supporting. I'm lucky to have friends like 'em.
But on the other hand, there's always family. The problem, in my opinion, is that everyone simply assumes one is straight by default. That's wrong. That hurts non-straight people unnecessarily, and makes it necessary for one to "come out". I'm against having to come out to people simply because it shouldn't be so hard to do. But that's just the revolutionary teenager inside of me telling me that the world should be better, and I gotta be a realist and accept that I will have to come out a few times through my life to avoid misunderstandings. I'm getting better at it by the second, coming out every single day to every single new person I meet (usually indirectly), and I'm getting used to it, but no matter how easy it gets it will always be the hardest to come out to my family.
I don't give a f*ck if my grandma knows, or if my cousins know (some of them are outed-gay-happy-people), and I don't care if my aunts or uncles know. I rarely see them and it wouldn't really affect me in any way. But I got a father, and a mother, and two little sisters to come out to (one's still too little and isn't a problem right now), and it feels like the boss battle at the end of a video game.
There have been way too many opportunities to "drop the bomb" with each one of them, but I can't seem to find the courage to do it. In fact, my oldest little sister basically came out to me as bisexual the other day ("I'd totally f*ck with girls if I had the chance" she said, and I got no reasons to believe she was kidding or that it isn't true...) and I wasn't able to tell her "same over here" or... Well, anything. I poker-faced, looked away and said nothing for the following 10 minutes... But I get the feeling it'll be easier for me to tell her after that, and I think the moment is coming soon.
But my parents, though... That's a whole other story.
Both my dad and my mom have talked about how "that people's got issues" and how they think "they probably got childhood traumas"... but, guess what? I had the best childhood possible, and they were awesome parents. No traumas, no issues (aside from the conflict it brings rather than is), and there's not a single thing I'd change. I feel so normal, and so at peace with who and how I am that it feels like they're insulting me. They talk about it like they're untouchable and like it's not even a real thing. My dad is grossed out by anything other than perfectly straight and "normal", and my mom couldn't be more judgmental because she'd explode. They keep asking where I hide my girlfriends, and why I never introduce them, and I reply that I don't have any hoping they'll translate that to "I'll never have one" or "I'M GAY FOR GOD'S SAKE!" or something...
Do I even need to come out to them?
Will it hurt them if I do?
Should I even care?
I think doing it would bring me peace, and I'm sick of doing or not doing stuff for other people. I've been told too many times that I need to live life for myself, and to be honest, I think it's way over time I start doing it. I'm f*cking ready to do it.