How to find a relationship?

[Wei1993]

This question sounds silly and quite like a cliché, but I really find it so hard to find a serious relationship or even find gay friends. I've started having "gay life" for several months since I came to America. By gay life, I mean being open about my homosexuality. I tried to reach out to more gay people wanting to find some gay friends and potentially a boyfriend. I downloaded Grindr and other social networkings, but the results were rather disappointing. Most people there are looking for hookups and causal fun, which I don't oppose and sometimes I found hookups over this apps myself. I thought maybe I could meet more people and find a boyfriend by having hookups. But then I realised that hookups are just hookups; it's not impossible but hard to turn hookups into something serious. Then I deleted all of my gay apps and wanted to find a boyfriend in everyday life. A month passed, nothing happened and I didn't meet anyone. In a small college town like Athens where even has no gay bars, it is rather difficult to meet gay people. Then I redownloaded Grindr and other apps, for there are no other ways to find my kind. I don't know. This is my struggle. Do you guys share the same struggle with me? They all say love will come when you least expect it. Should I just wait for it? Please share your story and thoughts with me. Cheers, xoxo

[Cridders88]

Wei, reading what you've written here, I found myself nodding my head a lot. I am in a very similar situation here. There are gay bars in a city about 40 miles away, but as for my location itself, there's not much here. I live in a tiny town in the middle of the countryside, so it is difficult to meet gay people here too. My experiences of Grindr and other apps are the same to be honest, great for hookups and things like that but not for if you want something more long term. I have heard of someone finding a relationship on Grindr but I don't think it's all that common. So yeah, I feel your struggles. One thing I would say is that I think you should stop putting so much pressure on yourself to find someone though, as much as you want a relationship. It'll just make things harder for you in the long run. But yeah, you're not alone, it can be difficult. And again, welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here

[Wei1993]

Wei, reading what you've written here, I found myself nodding my head a lot. I am in a very similar situation here. There are gay bars in a city about 40 miles away, but as for my location itself, there's not much here. I live in a tiny town in the middle of the countryside, so it is difficult to meet gay people here too. My experiences of Grindr and other apps are the same to be honest, great for hookups and things like that but not for if you want something more long term. I have heard of someone finding a relationship on Grindr but I don't think it's all that common. So yeah, I feel your struggles. One thing I would say is that I think you should stop putting so much pressure on yourself to find someone though, as much as you want a relationship. It'll just make things harder for you in the long run. But yeah, you're not alone, it can be difficult. And again, welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it here

Thank you for your reply. At least now I know I'm not alone. I just feel like though it's so easy to find hookups, you still feel the emptiness and loneliness after that, which is the reason I want to find something lasting and stable. But I guess you are right, I shouldnt put too much pressure finding a boyfriend. Hopefully, it will come eventually. Again, thank you.

[Cridders88]

Thank you for your reply. At least now I know I'm not alone. I just feel like though it's so easy to find hookups, you still feel the emptiness and loneliness after that, which is the reason I want to find something lasting and stable. But I guess you are right, I shouldnt put too much pressure finding a boyfriend. Hopefully, it will come eventually. Again, thank you.

Yeah, hookups aren't really for me either, I've had a couple and I just don't get much enjoyment from someone I have no connection with. Some people enjoy them, others don't. It seems like you are the same as me in not really wanting that. Wish you all the luck in finding someone for something more long term though

[IanSaysHi]

I'm not sure of it's popularity over there, but try plentyoffish.com - the nicest guys seem to be on there and are mainly looking for dating.

Ps - when I say nicest guys, not that guys on Grindr aren't nice lol. I mean I've tried various dating sites etc and plentyoffish just seems to have guys who send the nicest messages and hold a conversation better.

[Wei1993]

I'm not sure of it's popularity over there, but try plentyoffish.com - the nicest guys seem to be on there and are mainly looking for dating.

Ps - when I say nicest guys, not that guys on Grindr aren't nice lol. I mean I've tried various dating sites etc and plentyoffish just seems to have guys who send the nicest messages and hold a conversation better.

Haha, thank you a lot. I'll try it out later.

[InbetweenDreams]

This question sounds silly and quite like a cliché, but I really find it so hard to find a serious relationship or even find gay friends. I've started having "gay life" for several months since I came to America. By gay life, I mean being open about my homosexuality. I tried to reach out to more gay people wanting to find some gay friends and potentially a boyfriend. I downloaded Grindr and other social networkings, but the results were rather disappointing. Most people there are looking for hookups and causal fun, which I don't oppose and sometimes I found hookups over this apps myself. I thought maybe I could meet more people and find a boyfriend by having hookups. But then I realised that hookups are just hookups; it's not impossible but hard to turn hookups into something serious. Then I deleted all of my gay apps and wanted to find a boyfriend in everyday life. A month passed, nothing happened and I didn't meet anyone. In a small college town like Athens where even has no gay bars, it is rather difficult to meet gay people. Then I redownloaded Grindr and other apps, for there are no other ways to find my kind. I don't know. This is my struggle. Do you guys share the same struggle with me? They all say love will come when you least expect it. Should I just wait for it? Please share your story and thoughts with me. Cheers, xoxo

Same trouble as you. Grindr is next to useless...unless you are looking for a hookup -- then it's pretty great.

Every now and then you'll find someone on those apps that isn't the typical guy looking for a hookup or trade pics, but eh most of the time...being next to all the time is a waste of time.

I'm sort of speak across the pond from you...I'm just barely across the Georgia line into NC... Thought that was kind of interesting since most people are either across the ocean or across the country.

Getting back on point, my advice, is don't worry so much about not finding a relationship. You're a handsome guy and you'll meet someone soon enough I'm sure

[Insertnamehere]

Not my place to be giving any kind of advice in this area, but I will point out some things:

1) Apps......yeah....don't. Those are universally acknowledged as mere hook-up tools and those who didn't know, find out soon enough.

2) A month? Have some patience man. Relationships don't happen overnight . Enjoy yourself a bit, know the new place, meet friends, live a life. Don't start making this relationship seeking your sole goal. It usually work likes this: if you try too hard, you won't find it.

[InbetweenDreams]

2) A month? Have some patience man. Relationships don't happen overnight . Enjoy yourself a bit, know the new place, meet friends, live a life. Don't start making this relationship seeking your sole goal. It usually work likes this: if you try too hard, you won't find it.

Years dude... It takes years most of the time. I mean not saying one can't get lucky.

This clip that [MENTION=21783]ShiftyNJ[/MENTION] posted from Moonstruck really resonates with me, plan on watching the movie -- I haven't seen it. The bottom line is relationships aren't like the story books. I often felt like [MENTION=23280]Wei1993[/MENTION] wanting a relationship, to be loved... I in the past would get pretty depressed about it, thinking must be something about me and so on, but it's not me, it's not [MENTION=23280]Wei1993[/MENTION] either...it's not us. The sooner we realize people are weird and are more messed up than we are and that most people you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with, the better. Not just knowing it but really making it part of your world view.




So just hang in there, besides looks like you're in school and getting into a relationship can cause more harm than good...perhaps that explains my dilemma with someone else, but take the time to have fun, go on dates, go to the gay bars if that's something you enjoy -- I went to one once and didn't like it...I mean I could tell it wasn't a good gay bar, seemed kind of dingy and just tasteless imo.

As far as apps that MIGHT get you some better results are POF, I've actually met some people who weren't after a hookup and there are some really nice people. That being said let me tell you the bad side to POF... there aren't that many people on the app, so you might be talking to guys 50 miles away and so on, even in a more populated area. I'm up here in the boonies and it is rare that I can find someone with any common ground.

Hope this helps some. Take care

[ShiftyNJ]

It's a great movie, and reflects what I learned. Like many young gay guys I had a very romanticized view of what being in a LTR would be like. As Cosmo Castorini tells Johnny Cammereri "You'll have your eyes opened, my friend!"

Being in a LTR is great. Most of the time. It will also sometimes be frustrating, messy, scary, monotonous, lonely, confusing, depressing, and more, by varying degrees. And that's if you get one of the good guys!