Me and my straight co-worker/best friend.

[Anonymous]

So..

I've known this guy for a couple of years, most of which we've been co-workers. We've had movie nights every now and then, had a few drinks, listened to music and maybe cuddled a little bit, no big deal.

Recently, the cuddling's become a bit more intense. If we watch a movie on the couch he'd ask me to lie in his arms etc. He's sending a lot of sexual messages with the vibe that says he's straight even though he says stuff like "suck my dick" etc.

Well, last night. We watched a movie, listened to some music, had a few drinks and went to bed. He held me and ran his hand across my body. My immediate response was a "wtf" after which he told me to relax, took my hand and ran it across his body. He got hard pretty fast (as did I) and in the end we did everything but anal. Everything. With both of us giving and receiving.

In the morning we talked pretty briefly about it, basically I just said that I hope we can still be friends and work together and that I hope he can still look me in the eye and be fine with what happened. He said he's fine, and I believe him.

My problem with all of this is I think I'm developing feelings for him, my straight best friend who's also a co-worker of mine. Feelings I know he'll never feel for me. I don't want to be just an experiment. But I enjoyed what we did and I'd love to do it again. I'm so confused right now.

[thawoods]

i don't know what to make of your story but it can be a pain to wait on somebody.....

[Rod]

look like you let your second head make decisions for you. im not saying their bad choices. this might be the slap in the face "wake up" slap you've been waiting for. it time to take action. your affirmations must be answered now. will you proceed into a relationship or go through a very grueling damaging friendship--with benefits. will you build some self respect and make demands or contiue to fool around in the dark running in a race that has no end. a race you'll never win. Wake up sunshine! now it your time to learn something about yourself and what you need.

[Anocxu]

Stop thinking so deeply into the matter..
Just have fun with it..
It's not like he's holding you back from a waiting contender. .

Eventually. .
When he is nine inches deep inside you.. just look him in the eyes and say..

"Hey!!"...
"I'm so glad you're not gay!"

[LJay]

Anocxu has it.

I'll be blunt. Not all sex is relationship based.

You know that one from Freud about the cigar, right? Well, sometimes sex is just sex. You can be friends and have sex and not be making yourselves into a couple or beginning a lifelong commitment or getting all mushy. Sometimes it is possible to just have sex.

Why not let it be that way with this guy?

Sure, if you are gay and wanting to be in a relationship it is tempting to make more out of it, but you don't have to. I also not saying that it may not be difficult to control some pinings, but having a friend that you can relate to as a friend and sexually is cool. Enjoy.

[MikeW]

...I enjoyed what we did and I'd love to do it again. I'm so confused right now.

What is confusing? You enjoyed being physical with your friend. Apparently he did as well.

Here's the trick: For something like this to work there has to be a balance. What I mean is, if you start investing more emotional energy into it than he is, you'll very likely end up getting burned. Perhaps badly. Keep it even-steven. Only invest in it as much as he does. Try to keep in mind that your desire for "something more"... a committed relationship... may not be possible with this man. That doesn't mean you won't have it with some other man. Very likely you will. This desire for that kind of relationship is INDEPENDENT of your friend. Right? I know, in your mind right now it is entangled with *him*. But in reality it is something you want for yourself and it could be with anyone you felt connected to emotionally and physically. Right? Try to keep all that in mind.

[deltalover4]

Sounds like he enjoyed it as much as you did. I don't think he is as straight as he says he is, but he could certainly just be open to experimenting, and he felt comfortable doing it with you.

[Anonymous]

Status update.

Three days after the incident I told the guy we need to talk about this. Get it over with and carry on and whatever. He called me later in the evening and told me that what happened was the biggest mistake that's ever happened to him and that it will never happen again. I, being an extremely emotional person, started bawling. He asked if I will be ok and that if we'll still be friends, and that he hopes we'll still have movie nights. I was out of words but I did manage to say he's a dear friend and that I can't stand losing him. After the call ended, he sent me a message where he told me he's angry at me because he thinks I lured him into bed and whatever. I didn't answer 'cause I had no idea what to say.

The following month, almost two months, work was -extremely- awkward. We didn't talk much and he avoided me all the time.

Then it was time for a christmas party at work. We all went to a bar where I managed to hook my friend up with a girl. He hugged me and thanked me and after that working together was back to normal. He started texting me more, asking me how I'm doing, play-wrestling at work, all that. Like nothing had ever happened.

A week ago, we had another movie night. First one in almost three months. It was a lot of fun and not awkward at all, we even cuddled a little bit. Just a little. He texted his girl a lot and noticed I was a bit upset. He asked why and I told him I thought this was our night, just because it had been a long time since we'd done anything and I still consider this guy my best friend. The evening went on until he eventually said the girl's coming over for the night and I have to leave at 5 am. It was 2 am at the time and I said that I'm leaving right away. He was visibly upset and when we went for one last smoke he started crying, telling me he doesn't wanna hurt me and that I have to understand he's been alone for a long time. I didn't say much more than it'll all be ok. It's not right now, but it will be.

We have another movie night tomorrow. It's our own Valentine's Day. He even told his girl there won't be any texting tomorrow night because I'm coming over.

And I'm making this whole thing sound like there's gonna be an amazing or not-so-amazing story by the end of the century but there probably isn't. Just a gay guy falling for a straight guy. Meh.

[Insertnamehere]

Worse. Not a straight guy, but maybe bi in denial.

That's some dangerous territory there mister and he will keep doing the same things to you.

So, what you're gonna do is to set boundaries. For him and for yourself.

He has GF and clearly some other issues. He seems to care about you but not enough to overcome his fear. Don't be a part of that. Don't do that to yourself. Yu will only end uo getting hurt quite badly.