Thank you for hating me....

[JimmyEcho]

Yes, I have an Alcoholic problems
And God forbid me from seeking solice on Gay speak
where there is no compassion.

SERIOUSLY----- I Know I was wrong,
I KNOW I WAS WRONG.
and I know my Alcoholism offended many people.
If you feel better shunning me---- shunning, meaning, Casting out, throwing out of society itself, never ever to return.

Good for you. My lashing out may have been a cry for help. I 'm so GLAD You people were able to go ABOVE and BEYOND and see the true mental cry I had for Help.

It's NOT like I did not tell you I had an Alcohol problem.

This is a Gay Web Site where People come to Chit Chat, and not to vent their problems.
----do you see the irony----
People release their problems here all the time.
Forgive me for offending you.

I'll just get a bottle of Vodka. climb in my dark hole. and never ask for help again.

God DAMMIT. are you people that COLD AND CALICE.
WHATEVER.

TO END THIS
I Really don't understand how the people--- which is the Gay community---who where the target of my problems,--AND THE GAY PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE INTERNET THAT I TARGETED---where the most understanding and forgiving. and ACTUALLY changed my thinking and drew out the real good in me.

I DO THANK EAST.....

THANK YOU EAST FOR BEING SO LEVEL HEADED AND UNDERSTANDING.
WHEN YOU EXPLAINED THINGS TO ME IN THE PAST--- I NEVER TOLD YOU , BUT IT REALLY HELPED ME A GREAT DEAL AND THANK YOU AGAIN.

To the Gay community---only here.
If your revenge on me makes you feel better
and your unforgivingness fuels the sensation in your heart to lash out at all the WRONG that has been done to you in your life and then taking it out on me.
WELL, That's what i'm here for.
I guess I'm not Human with no feelings, So it's O.K. to throw rocks at me.
THANK YOU.

[LONDONER]

No one hates you. No one wants to take revenge on you (for what?). There is nothing to forgive and no one wants to throw rocks at you. It doesn't really matter what your problem is, there are many people on GS who are willing to help in whatever way they can. I don't remember having read any of your previous posts but you have belonged to GS for sufficient time to know that many people post their problems here and many get productive answers. Your negativity might be a direct result of your alcoholism.

[thawoods]

Yeah right! Go FUCK my sister, she has a VAGINA DENTATA!

[Insertnamehere]

I'm pretty sure I'm missing something here because all I've read from you recently is another thread to which I just replied.

I don't think you're being logic. Why any of us who don't know you, would waste time and energy in hating you?

Now, you admit to being alcoholic. If you were seeking guidance to deal with it, sure, most people here would throw in a piece of advice or support. I haven't really seen you asking for advice or support, though.

The one thing people will most likely have a problem with is seeing an admitted alcoholic who is not doing anything to help himself.

So let me ask you, are you getting help, attending AA meetings? I hope you are, and if you're not I hope you start soon. You already admit to having a problem with alcohol, that is a very important first step. Now you need to take the next steps in getting better.

Was the event on the other thread you posted a momentary slip? Had you been sober for a while before that? If that is so, a slip is a very human thing and I don't think people will hate you for it. I would advice you, though, that you continue/start getting help in treating your alcoholism.

If a group of aqcuaintances, no matter how good of a time they make you spend, cause you to slip and get drunk, than I'm sorry to say that's not a group of people you should be seeing for the moment.

[MikeW]

[JimmyEcho]

Thank You Mike W
Excellent insight.

How come when I get angry, I want to lash out. But as soon as I'm around people I know, I'm the nicest person in the world.

I help my neighbors shovel their snow. I always offer the help my co-workers. I'll set things aside, stop what I'm doing, to get in my car and help out a friend with a smile on my face.
Always saying please and thank you.
They have no idea of my ANGER. This is why I get a warm welcome from all the Guys at the bar.--- Their NOT Alocholics, their just a nice group of guys who only know the good side of me.

You catch more flies with Honey--- Being really nice keeps people around and caring for you.

Being a mean S.O.B. ----You find yourself alone, Believe me I know. --trial and error.

Alcohol is a crutch. It satisfies my lust for something I want sooooo bad, something that everyone else has and takes for granted, but is out of my reach.

NARCISSIST---- I will diet, work out like a mad dog for this upcoming spring and into summer, cut and color my hair. I'm Italian and always looked attractive, however I go that extra step. Then I strut my stuff in warmer weather when I can wear shorts and a T-shirt. I go to places like bars and gathering to drive the Girls crazy.

In the past few years I find I get a HELL of a lot more ATTENTION from the GAY community and started going to Gay bars. Even willing to feel them up and actually make out with quite a few of them so they think I'm Gay.

Not calling them back, Guys and Girls, then Ignoring them, ---and they have no idea why.
I was soooo nice to them and everyone else around them, they can't understand why a great person would do this.

NOW I HAVE MY REVENGE.

And NOW I Cry, I cry for who I am.
I cry for what I did.
I cry because I hurt them.
I cry because I actually developed feelings for them, but still do what I do.
I cry hard because they don't know why, they start to think did they themselves do something wrong.---- This one REALLY kills me inside and I cry more.

But I keep doing it.
My alcoholism makes my mother CRY and my close brother mad at me.

NOW I SIT WITH MY SELF PITTY IN MY DARK LONELY HOLE.
ALONE, BY MYSELF. CRYING AND PITTING MYSELF FOR WHO I AM.

Thank you for reading this
Jimmy Echo.

[East]

Jimmy....ahhhh.....in that place again..eh?.....

Well...I am going to point out a few things to you....

God...great me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference...

I bet you don't even realize one of the best traits you have....and it is one of the reasons I like you. You are deadly honest. Most people would never have the balls to admit to anyone if they were doing what you are doing...and you put it out there for everyone to see....

I have news for you.....

Having worked behind the bar for 20 years...I can tell you pretty much everyone plays games of some sort.....and pretty much no one is honest about it....to themselves....or to each other...

...and you just step right up and own it...

That is kinda huge.....and if you can see the value and learn to appreciate this about yourself.....you can use it as a mantra for the future.

What you do is not even that uncommon...but what is uncommon...you don't pretend you aren't playing a game. AND...as I have said before to you...I saw guys like you many times in the bar...and I "got it" instantly. In other words...if the people you are dealing with don't understand what you are doing..it is pretty much on them too. You want attention and to be desired...they want to give you attention....and desire you. It seems like a fair trade....eh?

Maybe you just need to accept that this is a part of who you are and be OK with it...once and for all...because when you do that....the monster becomes a mouse....and you can put a mouse in a cage....love it...and feed it....

I am not going to tell you that alcohol might be a problem for you because that is for you to tell yourself...eh?

So.....maybe this will help you...take what you need and leave the rest....

Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change
Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks
Avoid thinking about winning the lottery while making love
Brainwash yourself before someone nasty beats you to it
Confess big secrets to people who aren't very interested
Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse
Fool the tricky red beasts guarding the Wheels of Time
Locate the master codex and add erudite graffiti to it
Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems
Change your name every day for a thousand days
Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon
Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Brag about what you can't do and don't have
Get a vanity license plate that reads KZMYAZ
Bow down to the greatest mystery you know
Make fun of people who make fun of people


(((Good Luck))) PS...I don't hate you...

[LJay]

Jimmy, people don't seem to come here to hurt. They do seem to come for companionship and healing. You are welcome to be one of the people who are healed and befriended. It really does not matter if you are gay or straight. I have seen both here. The people who are here have been though many trials and are willing to offer a hand to others who need it. Feel free to let them.

[JimmyEcho]

Things happen for a reason they say at AA.
After I wrote that this morning and put it all out there on Paper, it REALLY touched home with me.
I Kind of was denying everything.

However, after I wrote that, my drive to work was overcoming.
I just could not get it out of my mind. The thought stayed with me through out the day.
I treated people at work, at wawa, at work sites, common areas, with a great kindness, wishing them well---in not so many words.
But just going out of my way to be extra Nice on this Friday.

I thought about what I wrote, and it came back to HAUNT me through out the day.
Putting it down in words really hits home in your soul.

As my day went on, I reflected on my words and what I wrote and asked myself, is this who I truly am.----my shift button does not work so I can't question mark or perenthies---sorry.

ANYWAY-- I know deep within myself I have compassion, I feel emotion, I hurt when I hurt people.
So why do I do it.
WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR----question mark.

ATTENTION, But if I find the right Guy or Girl I would be alright.
My personality is Outstanding----there is no question about that, Ask anyone who knows me, they love to be around me---just like the warm Welcome I got at the Gay bar.

But is it FAKE

I mention before how being a mean S.O.B gets you no where.
But at the same time I love all these people..----I'm soooo confused.
and I play the GAME of the Nice friend and family member.
However, I want something more----AND I DON'T KNOW WHY OR WHAT IT IS.
It tears my soul APART.
However, there is one great thing I have in solice,
It's the knowing that I have Actual feelings for all these people and that keeps me alive.

[JimmyEcho]

Thank you soooo much East

I know a Bar tender just like you, who is soooo understanding and knows the thoughts of human thinking.
Thank you again.