Tips on moving from FWB to a possible relationship?

[pman117]

Alright guys, new member, first time poster and I have a somewhat deep question that I could really use some advice on. This might get lengthy so please bear with me.

First off, I'm very much a reserved, solitary, independent type of person and feelings aren't something that typically come easy to me, especially when it comes to affection or becoming fond of someone. I also wouldn't consider myself a relationship-oriented person either and am pretty socially inept for what that's worth.

However, I've recently come to the conclusion that I have grown pretty fond of a guy that I've been FWB for about 6 months or so. He's a little older than me but that's not a problem for either of us and we have hung out a few times as well, it's not always a "come over, hookup and then leave" thing. Problem is I have no idea what I'm feeling because as I mentioned above, I have never felt a strong attraction to guys that I've ended up sleeping with after the fact.

I tend to be the typical, "get off and get out" stereotype. Not much of a talker other than the awkward small talk that sometimes occurs afterwards. With this guy however, I find that I want to talk with him and we usually have pretty great conversations especially after hooking up which for me is unheard of (I can't stress how non-social I usually am after hooking up). I enjoy and actually want to spend time with him outside of the bedroom. I've found myself thinking about him on almost a daily basis too, which started a few weeks ago.

I'm mostly looking for advice on how to probe to see if he is interested in a relationship, not necessarily with me but just a relationship general without blurting out something stupid that send him running away screaming. Unfortunately, I doubt there's a way to really press the issue without ruining what we have going. So it may ultimately be tell him how I feel and expect the worst (which is what happens every time I have the conversation in my head) and be surprised with anything otherwise. I'm just not sure

Anyway, thanks for your time reading this. Pretty sure I just described verbatim a high school crush lol but whatever. If any of you guys have been in a similar situation or have any advice on how to address this scenario without immediately nuking it, I would be most grateful.

Thanks again!
--Pman117

[LJay]

I'll dive in first. Please understand that my response should not be taken as authoritative,just a stab at it all.

It seems to me that putting a label on what is happening is precipitous. Why not just let it happen? Maybe get in touch a little more often and test the waters that way. After seeing him a few times on that basis, just ask if he minds you hanging out with him more often. Don't make the question, "Are we in a relationship?" or "Are you my boyfriend?" In a way, those are ultimata that put someone on the spot. This is very hard to do because it does not answer your anxiety quickly, but letting things happen on their own puts a lot less pressure on him to commit.

[Camfer]

Step 1. Have sex with him at 11am.
Step 2. Do not try to explore if he is interested in a relationship with you. Do not use that word relationship. It is way too soon for that.
Step 3. After mopping up and getting dressed and having a brief chat, say this, "Hey are you hungry? Do you want to go to ___________ and get some lunch with me before I head out to _____________? It should be about 12:30 pm by now so maybe maybe he will say yes.
Step 4. Duck out fast after lunch because you're headed out to _____________.

There, you just moved it from pure fuck buddies to fuck buddies who ate lunch together. Think of it as lunch and fuck buddies. Over time, it will become clear to both of you without ever using that relationship word. It's a matter of proposing activities and doing things together. You want him to suggest doing things together too after a while. But you should take the initiative.

Good luck and let us know!

[LJay]

Thanks, Camfer, for the hints. Now I have to find a friend and start getting up before eleven!

[Insertnamehere]

Yes, clearly you're crushing on this guy. All good.

So why don't we put aside all traits and labels and structures for a bit and see what's going on?

Camfer has the right, start proposing activites that don't involve sex, see how what he says about it.

[pman117]

Well guys, all your replies are really comforting and honestly I'm glad I asked. Unfortunately, the situation I ranted about has been nuked anyway.

Was talking to him today and he told me that he has "kind of started dating someone" claims its not serious (only 2 dinner dates and no sex) but I understand what that means and where that is probably going. He still wants to play around and as much as i want to I'm pretty sure I should cut it off. I mean, I can't counter and be like "date me instead." there's no way to do that without making a total ass of myself I know.

So....F@#$ me. Nothing good ever happens to me lol. But thanks for your guys' responses. They gave me hope for about 24 hours lol