Last time you had sex

[matty7]

unless hell has frozen over then is not recently I can tell you

[Doofus89]

Back in...let me think...2014. Somewhere around May/June. Don't miss her or the sex. But, I am so backed up I would have sex with anyone or anything at this point! hahahaha

[MikeW]

Back in...let me think...2014. Somewhere around May/June. Don't miss her or the sex. But, I am so backed up I would have sex with anyone or anything at this point! hahahaha

[Genersis]

Nope. Hasn't happened yet.
Recently considered a random hook up, but me too much a self-concious scaredy cat.

Eventually I decided to try dating instead, which, as a great bonus, has the whole love thing that hopeless romantics like me fantasise about...which means I'm going to have to try and hold a conversation and be interesting...hmm...

Maybe, I shouldn't give up on random hook ups...

[starlight]

Nope. Hasn't happened yet.
Recently considered a random hook up, but me too much a self-concious scaredy cat.

Eventually I decided to try dating instead, which, as a great bonus, has the whole love thing that hopeless romantics like me fantasise about...which means I'm going to have to try and hold a conversation and be interesting...hmm...

Maybe, I shouldn't give up on random hook ups...

I recently actually got to try dating and guess what it failed.

[Genersis]

I recently actually got to try dating and guess what it failed.

Sorry to hear it
Dating isn't really a thing you can fail entirely though, is it? Being process more so than an action?

By no means am I saying "you should date", but I wouldn't give up on it entirely as an option; even if I did have a bad experience.

Not that I have any experience to claim my advice is anything more than dubious.
All the best though.

[starlight]

Sorry to hear it
Dating isn't really a thing you can fail entirely though, is it? Being process more so than an action?

By no means am I saying "you should date", but I wouldn't give up on it entirely as an option; even if I did have a bad experience.

Not that I have any experience to claim my advice is anything more than dubious.
All the best though.

Yeah after a few weeks the guy stopped texting and unusual fo me i really dated and he told me he liked me and we had drinks and meals and chats and i actually kissed with him in a packed club on the dance floor. Then the contact faded and we havent text in 3 week and that last text was initiated by me. He hurt me just as others have who have been my "friends" i must be expendable.

[MikeW]

...He hurt me just as others have who have been my "friends" i must be expendable.

On one hand, starlight, I'm sorry you're hurting. On the other hand I have to wonder if you can learn to see what YOU put into this outcome.

You present yourself as the victim. As if this is something that just happens to you and you play no part in it. But is that so?

I don't think so. For example, from what I know of this story (and I admit I don't know all the details), there is some question as to whether or not you and this guy had any real "spark" between you. I'm referring to the flirting.

What I'm trying to say here is simply that you tell yourself that you are expendable. You tell yourself that you're a victim. You tell yourself that this is just one more example of a truth you know will never end: That you will always be rejected and forever remain alone. <<< That is basically what you tell yourself over and over. It is the "outcome" you expect. Consciously you don't want it, of course, but I have to wonder. To what extent is all this a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

This is what you need to understand: What is it that YOU do. As I've said to you over and over again, you can not control what others do. At best we can control what we do. We can't control how other people respond to us or treat us. All we can do is understand ourselves and work at understanding others in hopes that we can find some common ground.

I'm sorry you're hurting. I've always been sorry you're hurting. BUT, that said, I also don't like it when you go into this "poor me, petty me I'm a victim," stance. What you really need to be doing is trying to understand what you put into the exchange that goes on between you and another person. Moreover, you need to work at understanding that when these relationships do NOT work out, that doesn't mean you are "expendable". These should be learning opportunities, not opportunities for further self abuse. If a relationship doesn't work out its because the two people in it were unable to truly connect. This is what you need to work at understanding.

What IS "connecting"? How does that work? How is it, for example, that you and I are connected? You do agree that we are, do you not? I believe you need to understand this more. Think about it, what it means. How you can learn to "connect" with people around you.

I'll add one more thing. It is something I've harped on in this forum before. How a "relationship" needs to be balanced. Any time one person is investing more emotional energy, more feeling, into a relationship than the other person, it is almost guaranteed to fail. Worse, the person who invested that energy ends up feeling hurt, betrayed, discounted and, as you state, expendable.

But what this person doesn't understand is how their OVER investment helped create this imbalance. How this OVER investment contributed to the relationship NOT working out.

There is a lot here for you to ponder.

EDIT TO ADD: This is not about blame. Not about fault. Not about blaming one's self or blaming anyone else. It is about trying to understand the energies that make relationships possible. What are they? How do they work?

[Doofus89]

Is it just me, or is it getting warm in here?

[East]

2 hours ago