How to be ok with my "role"

[Lycanking55]

Hi everyone, and thanks for reading. I'd like to start out by saying i'm very new to the site but have looked on here from time to time for advice/help, and sorry if I do or say anything stupid. I didn't really know where else to turn with this issue. I am very low on experience... as in none... I'm as confident as I can be that i'm a total bottom (just kinda know) but thats not what i'm struggling with anymore.

After years of figuring out that bottoming doesn't have to define me in any other way, and knowing that it doesn't have to inherently mean submissive or mean anything about me outside of the bedroom, and finally considering meeting someone, now I'm struggling with accepting that I am submissive sexually. That I want a guy that takes the reigns and be a little forceful, hold me in place etc. I don't know if I can accept that I want be with a notably dominant man, and all that entails.

I guess part of what I want to know is, how I can accept that I want to be so submissive and if they're are guys out there that enjoy that? (I know theirs always someone that does but I mean on the average) Also, if any of you felt similar and did or didn't end up being ok with it?

Sorry that was a little bit more lengthy than I wanted, and if I've annoyed anyone, thanks again to anyone who felt like reading.

[LJay]

First, welcome here. Please do feel free to do or say something stupid, or brilliant, or profound. Or you can share recipes. It's that kind of site.

Now as to your question. Yes, there are guys exactly like that all over the place and the recipe for finding them is that to bake a cake you have to break some eggs. Just get out there and talk around. Try not to be too silly about it, talk too much, or drink too much. Sooner or later you 'll have a great time.

[Camfer]

Well if you just want one guy to be a little forceful in bed with you, that sounds very feasible. Forget the statistics, here. You just need one guy. Your desire doesn't sound obscure at all. It seem like you might be overthinking this. You're clear on what you like, now go find him and see how it feels! You can always make adjustments as you discover more about what you do and do not like.

[LJay]

[MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION], I admire your rationality in the face of my medication.

[Cridders88]

In my limited experience, I am pretty submissive myself, I like being treated a bit rough and for someone to take the lead (occasionally though, it has been the other way round if I am in a different mood haha). But yeah, I am naturally submissive and there are plenty of men out there that are dominant and will treat you a bit rough if you so desire. " Roles" aren't always strict, but you will probably easily find someone naturally dominant if you look, don't you worry .

Welcome to the forum btw

[Lycanking55]

Hi and thanks to the three of you for responding, it seems pretty agreed so far that finding a guy that likes this isn't an issue, so theirs something positive. Still, its just hard for me to accept wanting to be like that. I mean even here and anonymously it still embarrasses me just to discuss it. To secretly want to be so extremely vulnerable is something that I have trouble wrapping my head around. I also worry a little bit about the aftermath, if I'll be overly ashamed specifically due to this factor? I'm wondering if most of this is just normal anxiety, or is this a more difficult facet to deal with? Is it easier for dominant tops to accept what they like?

As to your comment Camfer, I guarantee I'm overthinking it lol, unfortunately, thats kind of my go to. I think to some degree, by coming here, I'm trying to overthink it a little less and get real information and help instead, so it is something I'm trying to adjust.

[Insertnamehere]

Ok, so your problem is that you are ashamed (?) of admitting to yourself that you like being submissive (or might like being submissive).

You shouldn't. Not only you'll find guys that will get off with that in the bedroom but you'll find guys that will make you feel comfortable with it. That is the kye part. You don't "fit a role", no one does. You don't study, train, etc, for it: you do what makes you feel good and what makes you comfortable and THAT can maybe "fit tino/be defined by a role", but it should be a naturally occurring process.

Moreover, being submissive in the bedroom is completely unrelated with how nyou act elsewhere. You can be submissive in the bedroom and yet be dominant or neutral in other aspects of your life.

Once you find a guy and the nerves go away, you will find out what is it you feel at ease with and what you don't. It will happen naturally and then you'll feel no shame. So for now, don't waste time trying to "accept" it. If you're curious about it, try it. Find a guy, should be easy enough, and try. Then, you'll know.

[Emiliano]

Moreover, being submissive in the bedroom is completely unrelated with how nyou act elsewhere. You can be submissive in the bedroom and yet be dominant or neutral in other aspects of your life.

I'm vanilla, a square, boring as shit, whatever... but I'm not sure I believe that. One night stands, yeah. But in a long term relationship I don't see how one can be sure about that.

This is just my own perspective, but if I were topping, I'd be a little weirded out by any guy who wanted me to totally dominate him or get rough, and if I were bottoming, I'd be weirded out by a guy who got off on being like that to me. And either way, I can't imagine what grocery shopping or discussing work would be like with someone who was either a lot more submissive, or a lot more dominant, than I am.

But maybe thats why I dont identify as a top or a bottom, or as dominant or submissive. Im a balance of those things. And I certainly dont like feeling like i have to fit into some kind of role, and Im not into guys who want to put me in a specific role or are rigid about what their role is.

Its not that I can't imagine why some guy are into this or that, I'm just questioning the assumption that it wouldn't bleed into other aspects of a relationship. But then again, I've also never been in a relationship like that, and it is the mutuality of being with another verse guy that turns me on, personally.

To [MENTION=23330]Lycanking55[/MENTION] you're into what you're into and its not my intent to be judgey or shame you, and I certainly encourage you to explore, express, and own your sexuality and what you like. And I will say that I don't think bottoming or topping has to mean anything about whether you are a submissive or dominant person.

[Insertnamehere]

II'm just questioning the assumption that it wouldn't bleed into other aspects of a relationship.

It's not an assumption, it happens.

I am a bit reserved to give details to the bedroom part, though, but I know cases.

Also, you're considering the word "domination/submission" in extreme definitions, pejorative, I can pressume.

Notice that the OP used the word "vulnerability"

[VirgoMasquerade]

Hello, [MENTION=23330]Lycanking55[/MENTION]!. I consider myself as a dom ( I've had the subs to back that up) so this is coming someone who understand the kink world. It takes a lot of balls to admit you like things you do in this world, Even more so if you like having kinky things done to you. You're stuck in your head man! you are the only person judging yourself for liking what you like... Once you learn to let go of holding yourself back and being free from your own judgemental mind your gonna be a lot more happier. I would start by telling yourself in the mirror that your a sub and strong