Racist co-worker

[Darius]

Ammon, perhaps the guy's hatred is mostly fear? Lots of people are suspicious and fearful these days of those from the middle east, especially if they happen to be muslim or perceived to be muslim.
I'm not making excuses for him, please understand.

[Ammon]

I do understand but i mentioned in one of my earlier post that this a-hole told my bf that the reason he hates my kind was because in his ex job a new imployee who happens to be arab from my origine got promoted and he didn't. I mean really?

Pfff I just don't know anymore..
I guess I'll have to ignore it and see how it goes in the future...

[TwisttheLeaf]

Sorry, but in your shoes? I'd have dumped his ass right around the "Oh so that means i should ignore almost everybody who hates your kind" part of the discussion.

It may not be politically correct, but YES.
YES, my partner should dislike those that hate me.
YES, my partner should dislike those that want me dead.
It should make my partner upset.
It should PISS my partner OFF.
My partner should be concerned for my safety and well being, not with socializing with work colleagues.

So there you go. I would've dumped him. Right there. Because obviously? We aren't on the same page and I have no idea how to get him on the same page with me with the kind of mentality he's displayed.

I deserve better, and IMO? So do you.

[Gideon]

Even outside the box of natural human consideration and morals...

Yeah, you don't just friendly up to someone who's showing an issue with your partner, especially one of this callibre.

I dunno, maybe it's just me and how protective I am but NO ONE talks shit about my boy. Not to me, not within my hearing or view. They simply -know- better. So I'm definitely not going to tolerate a co worker doing it, much less seek them out for a beer after work.

It might not always be appropriate(or safe) to call someone out on a wrong, but at the very least, your partner should know that they have your full support.

[Ammon]

Well earlier today we were talking about work and he brought it up saying " I honestly don't care who hates your kind, I didn't get involved in a relationship with you to deal with racism, when someone hates you do I have to hate him??"

And that's where I got craycray and said "Excuse me???? Everyday you have problems with your ex till this day I helped you with every complaint you had about her, helped you not to get tricked into loosing your kids, your money not to be stolen by her, thanx to me she couldn't fraude you!!! and I helped you not to get tricked in a lot of other bullshit like with your sister who tried to fraud you!! Your ex bf who stalked you and stalked me, I've been taking care of your kids like they were my own, never have I complained or never have I asked you for a thank you and definitly never said 'your probs ain't mine!!!' And this I just realize while saying it!

But you know what, you are right my problems aren't your problems, but know this, from NOW on your problems aren't mine either!"

And I left the livingroom..

I think my last words finally reached him.
Because he was trying to be nice to me the whole day.

Tonight at work ofcource we pass by the racist guy I ignored the guy and my partner was walking behind me, didn't turn my head to see if he was going to salute him, didn't wanna know either.
And he followed us and tried to talk to my bf but my boyfriend ignored him because we started talking to the chef of the other team (my bf is temporarily the chef of our team). I found it really pathetic of the racist, he was trying so hard to get his attention and then my bf turned to him and he replied to the guy and turned again and continue the small briefing.

In the lockerroom I said to my bf, you didn't really had to ignore him, if he talks to you talk back just keep it brief and formal. My bf said "huh did I talk to him?" I said yeah he was trying to get your attention so badly, he even looked at me probably because he felt a bit awkward.

I was like

my bf said I really didn't notice.

[Pix]

I find it weird that this racist would try to talk to him while you're there, as if he's determined. Most racists don't like any form of "race traitors," and the very worst to them are those romantically involved with a despised race (sometimes even one night stands are taboo, but not always, at least not for a man). A racist would be hating him for being with you in the first place, or at least fake civility with you when he does, or keeping it as brief as possible and "warning" him about you when you can't see (even if it has to be by text).

I don't think it's so much he's a racist (though he might be that as well) as he wants your boyfriend.

It could also be that your boyfriend knows it and is thriving on the attention, or even hoping for the drama (for some people, a relationship isn't "real" unless there's major drama to stir up, and what you shared about him makes it sound possible this is for him as well). At first I figured your boyfriend just like to keep everything as mellow as possible and avoid drama, but with that history it sounds like he's no stranger to it and probably thrives on it.

[Cuddly]

Sorry, but in your shoes? I'd have dumped his ass right around the "Oh so that means i should ignore almost everybody who hates your kind" part of the discussion.

It may not be politically correct, but YES.
YES, my partner should dislike those that hate me.
YES, my partner should dislike those that want me dead.
It should make my partner upset.
It should PISS my partner OFF.
My partner should be concerned for my safety and well being, not with socializing with work colleagues.

So there you go. I would've dumped him. Right there. Because obviously? We aren't on the same page and I have no idea how to get him on the same page with me with the kind of mentality he's displayed.

I deserve better, and IMO? So do you.

Oh how I missed you two!

I'm trying to relate and understand the issue and yeah.. If anyone was mean to my bf, to his face or to mine, I would be on the defensive, argueing his case.

On another note, I think you should change your outlook. It's not "them" and "us". You may have different roots and a darker skin, but you're equal in every other way. I don't believe they dislike you, personally, but rather what your colour may represent to them.
What I'm trying to say is that there's more to you than that and your boyfriend ought to know.

[LJay]

Is the racist trying to develop a friendship with the bf or are they merely acknowledging each other in passing at work? To nod or say hello at work is only polite. To push for a relationship apart from business is unacceptable. On the other hand if racist senses that bf is being cool toward him he may be concerned that there is something wrong in the work relationship and wonder why. Should the matter arise in so many words, bf should simply say to racist that he does not agree with the racist sentiments and feels that there is no more to be said.

There is a certain amount of danger here that work and personal relationships may influence the people involved to an untoward degree. No Ammon, bf should not confirm racist's personal prejudices, but the proper reason at work is that these are not acceptable attitudes for ANY worker. It is a simple matter of human rights. However, bf simply acknowledging the presence of racist as a matter of course at work is only proper and should not matter. It carries no affirmation of his views nor does it imply the building of a personal relationship. You say that your bf has been caring toward you in your personal life that is good. As a supervisor, he must be quite cautious about allowing that personal relationship to intrude upone his workday matters.

Racism is a very, very unacceptable thing at work or anywhere. The racist is being immature and showing it by resenting the promotion of another person though it is almost completely certain that the person's skin color and his had nothing to do with the promotion. He is just looking for an excuse to justify his being passed over for the promotion. His attitudes may well have been the reason he did not get the job. You cannot know because you were not involved.

I suggest that you simply ask your boyfriend to keep the racist at arm's length and merely a correct work relationship and no more. If I were you, I would do the same and not escalate the matter with the racist any more. It could blow up into a big problem and cause repercussions for both you and your bf which you do not wish to precipitate at your job.

[Nutria]

Oh helllll no!
I am in a interracial relationship, he's white, I'm hispanic, but if I were in your shoes and my bf said that to me, you better believe his ass would be dumped right there and there.

What good is it to have a partner that isn't one with you? If somebody is rude to my bf, you better believe I wouldn't even give that person the time of day.

I don't know, and I don't know your history with your bf, but if he's 11 years older than you, then that must mean you're still young. You should be looking for somebody who will be one with you, and will respect you, and will have your back no matter what. Unfortunately, it seems your current bf doesn't seem to fit that role.

Best of luck! But, I'd dump his ass!...Just saying...

[questioning9]

Why does it bother me that my boyfriend says hi to a co-worker who is a proud racist who hates my kind.

Me and my boyfriend work at the same company but in different departement, only at break and lockerroom I see my bf. and I told him that this guy at work is an abvious racist. He says hi to everyone of my team but when I say hi he ignores it like I don't excist. This guy works in another team so we only see him if we are done with work.

2 months ago my boyfriend worked 1 day with him and this racist told him that he hates my kind.

My bf knows what I've endured as a kid with racists and yet when we go home my bf waves to him and says hello.
I kind of feel betrayed by this. Offcource i don't expect him to argue with him or do/say anything special.

But for god sakes atleast don't shout out to him, I also wouldn't mind if the racist said hi first. Because it's only normal to respond back but when the racist back is turned then that pisses me off a bit.. Also the racist happens to know we live together and yet I don't understand how he is unashamed to say to my bf " I'm a racist"

My way of thinking is if someone truly hates the excistence of my bf, please don't talk to me because hating my bf is hating me... Or am I alone in this way of thinking?

arguing with him is not practical. It is better to fake it if you have to and then wehn you guys get home, that's when you can have the talk. You guys have to fake it at work and not get into a confrontation. If you do, he can get you fired if he wants to and you will lose your job. Wait until the racist gets fired and then you can laugh.