Can I put my desires aside and help him?
05-02-2016, 01:05 PM
Hello all, I'm new to the forum and I'm really happy to see such a united community! I hope I'll fit in 
I'm a late bloomer when it comes to the troubles and doubts people usually get during teenagehood. That only came to me when I was going to college, for one reason in particular: sexuality.
I've been identified as bisexual from an early age, but I had ignored my feelings toward men through most of my life because my attraction to women helped me through it. So those questions never came up, specially because I had never met a gay man before. So college came, and through the insecurities one can feel about moving to a different city and meeting new people, I questioned myself if I should just be open about it to see what happens. I didn't. But I met a guy I swore was openly gay on my first day.
I think being inexperienced and insecure about my sexuality made me think the last thing I needed was to jump into a relationship. Growing up with such a secret is both exhausting and scary, so I needed a friend who could guide me through my insecurities and help me grow and mature in this time of need. So this guy became that. Exactly that.
Turns out he wasn't openly gay, but we helped each other through this nonetheless. He is the first man I've ever kissed, and I'm thankful for all the help I've got from our friendship, even though we don't talk to each other anymore.
Now, I see my past self in another guy I've met. We've been friends for some time, but I've always suspected he was, well, homosexual. He learned about guys' attraction to me recently, and oddly, we got even closer. I think he is thinking the same thing I did in the past, and even though I'd be glad to help and guide him, I've had a crush on him for over a year and I'm afraid my advices would be biased and end up hurting him and myself.
Our friendship started because of my attraction to him. I've been careful because I'm not fully out and I didn't want to spook him, so it took me a lot longer to go from Facebook Messenger to Whatsapp and Snapchat. The progress was exponential from the day I got his number.
We text each other almost everyday, and that caught my ex's eye. We're still close friends, and she says she felt threatened by him because she caught him staring at me in class all the time, that he always blushed when talking to me, WHEN he had the courage to talk to me.
I told her it was nonsense, because he sometimes deleted our conversation mid-topic and called it a day (that blue sign never came up). She says she and her friends do that when they feel they're falling for someone they don't want to fall for, otherwise he wouldn't ask me indirectly if I'm seeing someone or even bat an eye at my status.
I obviously want to believe her, but I don't have the guts to make a move and I have to think about him. He's really shy and seems so insecure, and I'm afraid I'd do more harm than good if I do this. I want to put him first, but I don't know how.
I'm a late bloomer when it comes to the troubles and doubts people usually get during teenagehood. That only came to me when I was going to college, for one reason in particular: sexuality.
I've been identified as bisexual from an early age, but I had ignored my feelings toward men through most of my life because my attraction to women helped me through it. So those questions never came up, specially because I had never met a gay man before. So college came, and through the insecurities one can feel about moving to a different city and meeting new people, I questioned myself if I should just be open about it to see what happens. I didn't. But I met a guy I swore was openly gay on my first day.
I think being inexperienced and insecure about my sexuality made me think the last thing I needed was to jump into a relationship. Growing up with such a secret is both exhausting and scary, so I needed a friend who could guide me through my insecurities and help me grow and mature in this time of need. So this guy became that. Exactly that.
Turns out he wasn't openly gay, but we helped each other through this nonetheless. He is the first man I've ever kissed, and I'm thankful for all the help I've got from our friendship, even though we don't talk to each other anymore.
Now, I see my past self in another guy I've met. We've been friends for some time, but I've always suspected he was, well, homosexual. He learned about guys' attraction to me recently, and oddly, we got even closer. I think he is thinking the same thing I did in the past, and even though I'd be glad to help and guide him, I've had a crush on him for over a year and I'm afraid my advices would be biased and end up hurting him and myself.
Our friendship started because of my attraction to him. I've been careful because I'm not fully out and I didn't want to spook him, so it took me a lot longer to go from Facebook Messenger to Whatsapp and Snapchat. The progress was exponential from the day I got his number.
We text each other almost everyday, and that caught my ex's eye. We're still close friends, and she says she felt threatened by him because she caught him staring at me in class all the time, that he always blushed when talking to me, WHEN he had the courage to talk to me.
I told her it was nonsense, because he sometimes deleted our conversation mid-topic and called it a day (that blue sign never came up). She says she and her friends do that when they feel they're falling for someone they don't want to fall for, otherwise he wouldn't ask me indirectly if I'm seeing someone or even bat an eye at my status.
I obviously want to believe her, but I don't have the guts to make a move and I have to think about him. He's really shy and seems so insecure, and I'm afraid I'd do more harm than good if I do this. I want to put him first, but I don't know how.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
