06-10-2016, 06:45 AM
Hi there, I’m a 25 yo gay man and diagnosed HIV 10 yrs ago. I'm currently working for a furniture manufacturer as an accountant.
I met Peter online about two years ago, now he is 35 yo and lives in Ohio. He has been a pharmacist over 10 yrs and now back in school for his second master degree. So what I like about him is he is a caring, dependable, funny, and smart guy. But sometimes I’m also very disgusted by him being racist and arrogant, and talking mean and harsh about ppl or things that he hates. Also, Peter is that kind of top that doesn’t bottom at all and prefers to be the provider in a relationship. Sometimes he says things that annoy me but he never lies (like sharing his hookups with me, we never officially be boyfriends so technically he is single). He is generally a selfish person but can be very generous to his loved ones. So yeah, my feelings about him are just very complicated.
He was still with his ex when we first met. Although they were still boyfriends, their relationship was really broken. We just texted and had some chitchat every now and then, no flirting and nothing happened between him and me at that time.
Last summer I moved here in Texas from Colorado, and all of sudden he started to text me and call me on the phone a lot more often. I was told that he had broke up with his ex earlier and now he wanted me. When I asked him why, he just said he always likes me, he thinks I’m good-looking and we got along very well. Apparently that was not very much convincing, and I thought that’s just a joke at first. It took me a long time to finally believe that he was serious based on my experience. Later then he started to talk with me about moving in with him, and that was when I thought I needed to tell him that I’m hiv poz.
First of all, we never had sex yet. I told him about my status right before the Thanksgiving last year. At first his reaction was quite casual and surprised me, he said he really appreciated that I was being honest and it’s ok if it’s done safely, especially I’m currently undetectable. But a few days later, he acted all frustrated and told me how he was mad at the guy who ruined my life and health. He was sorry for what happened to me but he doesn’t want to date someone who is poz. Well, that was what I thought it would be, but still it was hard for me to take. He said he just needed some time to think and would tell me about his decision.
I never heard from him again, and I thought alright then this is his decision.
But just when I was ready to let it go, one day he started texting me again and acted like normal, like nothing happened before. And now he would still say things like that he likes me a lot, but never mentioned about having a relationship with me again. It’s just so absurd.
Sometimes I get frustrated when I’m talking to him because I feel it is so meaningless, I don’t know what it is for still keeping in touch with him at this point. But honestly, I haven’t totally given up on him, but I also know that generally he is very stubborn and it’s hard to make him change his decision once he made it, so I don’t even wanna bother trying. But the problem is although it seems obvious, he never gave me his decision even I did ask again later, which is what makes me frustrated. Sometimes I feel maybe it’s better for us to just stop talking so I won’t be holding any hope. I told him once to stop contacting me, he said he wouldn’t, but it’s my decision whether to reply or not.
Probably the biggest reason I’m still talking with him is that he wants to start his own business after he finishes school next year and he will offer me a position in his company if I want (I’ve told him I hate my current job and I want to quit, but just no luck with job searching). Or if I quit my job now I can move to Ohio and stay with him, and he will take care of all my bills till I find a job there. Well it’s a great offer and I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m not interested. I did ask him would it be like taking advantage of him? And all he said was he doesn’t care; at least he has something to be taken advantage of. It seems like no one gets hurt, but I just feel really tired of the whole thing, I can’t tell what exactly he wants, and I wouldn’t be here if I can get a straight answer from him. I’m just so confused.
I met Peter online about two years ago, now he is 35 yo and lives in Ohio. He has been a pharmacist over 10 yrs and now back in school for his second master degree. So what I like about him is he is a caring, dependable, funny, and smart guy. But sometimes I’m also very disgusted by him being racist and arrogant, and talking mean and harsh about ppl or things that he hates. Also, Peter is that kind of top that doesn’t bottom at all and prefers to be the provider in a relationship. Sometimes he says things that annoy me but he never lies (like sharing his hookups with me, we never officially be boyfriends so technically he is single). He is generally a selfish person but can be very generous to his loved ones. So yeah, my feelings about him are just very complicated.
He was still with his ex when we first met. Although they were still boyfriends, their relationship was really broken. We just texted and had some chitchat every now and then, no flirting and nothing happened between him and me at that time.
Last summer I moved here in Texas from Colorado, and all of sudden he started to text me and call me on the phone a lot more often. I was told that he had broke up with his ex earlier and now he wanted me. When I asked him why, he just said he always likes me, he thinks I’m good-looking and we got along very well. Apparently that was not very much convincing, and I thought that’s just a joke at first. It took me a long time to finally believe that he was serious based on my experience. Later then he started to talk with me about moving in with him, and that was when I thought I needed to tell him that I’m hiv poz.
First of all, we never had sex yet. I told him about my status right before the Thanksgiving last year. At first his reaction was quite casual and surprised me, he said he really appreciated that I was being honest and it’s ok if it’s done safely, especially I’m currently undetectable. But a few days later, he acted all frustrated and told me how he was mad at the guy who ruined my life and health. He was sorry for what happened to me but he doesn’t want to date someone who is poz. Well, that was what I thought it would be, but still it was hard for me to take. He said he just needed some time to think and would tell me about his decision.
I never heard from him again, and I thought alright then this is his decision.
But just when I was ready to let it go, one day he started texting me again and acted like normal, like nothing happened before. And now he would still say things like that he likes me a lot, but never mentioned about having a relationship with me again. It’s just so absurd.
Sometimes I get frustrated when I’m talking to him because I feel it is so meaningless, I don’t know what it is for still keeping in touch with him at this point. But honestly, I haven’t totally given up on him, but I also know that generally he is very stubborn and it’s hard to make him change his decision once he made it, so I don’t even wanna bother trying. But the problem is although it seems obvious, he never gave me his decision even I did ask again later, which is what makes me frustrated. Sometimes I feel maybe it’s better for us to just stop talking so I won’t be holding any hope. I told him once to stop contacting me, he said he wouldn’t, but it’s my decision whether to reply or not.
Probably the biggest reason I’m still talking with him is that he wants to start his own business after he finishes school next year and he will offer me a position in his company if I want (I’ve told him I hate my current job and I want to quit, but just no luck with job searching). Or if I quit my job now I can move to Ohio and stay with him, and he will take care of all my bills till I find a job there. Well it’s a great offer and I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m not interested. I did ask him would it be like taking advantage of him? And all he said was he doesn’t care; at least he has something to be taken advantage of. It seems like no one gets hurt, but I just feel really tired of the whole thing, I can’t tell what exactly he wants, and I wouldn’t be here if I can get a straight answer from him. I’m just so confused.
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Capricorn
