my 1st BF

[araya]

I don't even know which subforum should I write this post but well, I guess this one will do.

I met my 1st BF several days ago in my friend's wedding reception. He's walking around arms to arms with some pretty girl that I believe is his current lover, not like I feel jealous because I no longer have anything towards him. A lot of things happened in the past between us, bitter-sweet memories. Long story short, I hurt him, real bad -I'm a closeted bi back then while he was very carefree about his sexuality so I can't stand him and it ultimately led our relationship to an end- and we lost contact ever since (he also blocked my number and all my social media accounts). Here I thought I can finally get things right, show him how sorry I am for what I've done, but he didn't even want to look at me. I called for him several times, I even came to him when her girlfriend's busy with other girls in the reception, he brushed me off with a smile. I don't know how much he's hurting because of me, looking at how he acted around me made me loathe myself even more. Well, he might never forgive me and I'm ready to take this as my punishment, still, I wish him happiness, I want him to be happy no matter who he's with, and hoping he'll never fall to someone like my past self ever again.

[TigerLover]

Ok firstly HETALLIA!!!

Secondly if you really understand why you did what you did then explain it's good for you both if you explain yourself and apologise. Plus his reaction was not that of someone who's at peace with whatever you did to him.

Have you got his e-mail?
Send a carefully written apology and explanation of your conduct. You might not get a reply but this is really more about him than you, isn't it?

Have you got some photos of him?
You could do reverse image searches. He may have blocked you on some sites but there may be some sites you don't know he uses.

Could you borrow a friends phone?

For his sake you shouldn't give up until you're certain he's heard what you've got to say.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=21981]araya[/MENTION]

Well that resonates with me, similar experiences myself. As much as I want to say to go out there and try to make things right with him, assuming that is possible. More than likely it is going to be better to just drop it and move on with life. It sucks, probably not what you want to hear...

If you want, throw down more details, that would sway whether or not you should attempt to reach him or not.

Not sure I would go searching for him online, that might make you look a bit like a stalker if you popped up on his Instagram or something random... I would suggest going through a common friend if anything at all....

[araya]

[MENTION=22948]TigerLover[/MENTION] I tried email long ago but doesn't seem to work.

I gave up on the socmed long ago, no matter where I go I wouldn't find him.

I can snatch my friend's cell and call or message him but it'll make him even angrier, he wouldn't like me talk about our problem that way, I'll keep trying to talk to him till he finally get tired of it

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] I want to drop it and "move on" with life but he's not just an ordinary ex, not because I have lingering feeling for him but we've been friends for more than 10 years, we went to the same middle&high school -we're also in the same class for 2years in high school- there are bound to be awkward meetings in the future if I don't make things right with him and I don't want that. I've been trying to reach him for the last 3 years -we lost it 4 years ago tho, so there's like a year gap for me to realize how big of an asshole I was to him- well, I gave up on online thingy anyway, so, going thru a common friend is the sanest choice.

[Camfer]

He's fine, he's gotten over it, learned from it, and doesn't want to talk to you. Let it go.

[InbetweenDreams]

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] I want to drop it and "move on" with life but he's not just an ordinary ex, not because I have lingering feeling for him but we've been friends for more than 10 years, we went to the same middle&high school -we're also in the same class for 2years in high school- there are bound to be awkward meetings in the future if I don't make things right with him and I don't want that. I've been trying to reach him for the last 3 years -we lost it 4 years ago tho, so there's like a year gap for me to realize how big of an asshole I was to him- well, I gave up on online thingy anyway, so, going thru a common friend is the sanest choice.

Do you think it is going to give you closure if it goes badly? Probably not, I think you'll still feel the same if not more hurt.

It is tough to move on, but trust me you'll be doing yourself a huge favor. I can't tell you how to get over your ex but it has to be done. Time is the only thing that can heal.

That being said, do what you will. Folks here have given the advice to not try to rekindle anything because it will likely not go well, but you seem very determined in going through with this. That being said, think it through.

[araya]

He's fine, he's gotten over it, learned from it, and doesn't want to talk to you. Let it go.

I get the "doesn't want to talk to you" part, I wanna say I'm gonna let this go but I'll end up trying to talk to him again sometime in the future, that's how stupid I can be.

Do you think it is going to give you closure if it goes badly? Probably not, I think you'll still feel the same if not more hurt.

It is tough to move on, but trust me you'll be doing yourself a huge favor. I can't tell you how to get over your ex but it has to be done. Time is the only thing that can heal.

That being said, do what you will. Folks here have given the advice to not try to rekindle anything because it will likely not go well, but you seem very determined in going through with this. That being said, think it through.

I know it's like I'm trying to rip open his old wounds then rub salt and lime on it, oh well, whatever I'm going to say next will just be another excuses from me so, let's just drop it. I guess I really have to let time heal his heartache.