First Relationship and I Need Guidance
06-29-2016, 11:35 PM
Hi guys,
I'm looking for perspectives and commentary on how my relationship is going so far since it's my first ever. Any thoughts on where its headed, what I should be considering, wondering at this point, etc? Here's the scoop:
I met my current boyfriend last summer, around July. We hung out a few times during the course of three weeks and then he went to New York for a week-long vacation. When he returned, he explained that he'd developed a crush on a guy that he had met and hooked up with while he was in NY. I felt a little burned, but since we weren't in a committed relationship yet, I just wished him well and moved on.
About two weeks after our "break up", he texted me to say that the relationship did not work out. He was super bummed, and I could sense that he was looking for a shoulder from me. I just thought to myself, "Really? Me?" I ended up telling him that I wasn't the right guy to talk to (obviously).
About a week after, he reached out wanting to hang out. I wasn't yet sure if I wanted to do that, but he respected my space, so I decided to go for it.
We've since been dating (and actually living together) for the past 9 months. We get along so well, rarely ever fighting. But, our sex life is a little lacking. We've discussed what the problem could be, and we've never reached a conclusion. It makes us both really insecure that we can't please each other in bed. We'd even discussed opening the relationship, but I just can't do that. So, this issue is just floating above us.
Another thing is that he still has dating apps on his phone and he's active on them. He follows those app people on Instagram and they follow him back. I've asked him about it and told him that it bothers me, but he says that it's not about meeting people, it's about feeling good about himself. He enjoys the attention he gets. I mean...I can see where he's coming from, but I wonder why the attention I show him isn't enough.
Currently, he's back in New York, this time for work. We've been away from each other for a month now and we have another three weeks to go. Our phone conversations have been relatively short and uninteresting, though to be fair, he does admit to being uncomfortable on the phone. I'm struggling internally between two things: (1) my instinct to distance myself because I'm feeling insecure about him being there in New York on his own, with apps on his phone, and (2) me telling myself to just trust him and not think too much about this.
Also, in August, he'll be moving permanently to a city 2 hours away, which isn't too bad, but I figured this info could add more color to the situation.
I know it's a lot of text, but please let me know what you guys think!
Thanks so much!!
I'm looking for perspectives and commentary on how my relationship is going so far since it's my first ever. Any thoughts on where its headed, what I should be considering, wondering at this point, etc? Here's the scoop:
I met my current boyfriend last summer, around July. We hung out a few times during the course of three weeks and then he went to New York for a week-long vacation. When he returned, he explained that he'd developed a crush on a guy that he had met and hooked up with while he was in NY. I felt a little burned, but since we weren't in a committed relationship yet, I just wished him well and moved on.
About two weeks after our "break up", he texted me to say that the relationship did not work out. He was super bummed, and I could sense that he was looking for a shoulder from me. I just thought to myself, "Really? Me?" I ended up telling him that I wasn't the right guy to talk to (obviously).
About a week after, he reached out wanting to hang out. I wasn't yet sure if I wanted to do that, but he respected my space, so I decided to go for it.
We've since been dating (and actually living together) for the past 9 months. We get along so well, rarely ever fighting. But, our sex life is a little lacking. We've discussed what the problem could be, and we've never reached a conclusion. It makes us both really insecure that we can't please each other in bed. We'd even discussed opening the relationship, but I just can't do that. So, this issue is just floating above us.
Another thing is that he still has dating apps on his phone and he's active on them. He follows those app people on Instagram and they follow him back. I've asked him about it and told him that it bothers me, but he says that it's not about meeting people, it's about feeling good about himself. He enjoys the attention he gets. I mean...I can see where he's coming from, but I wonder why the attention I show him isn't enough.
Currently, he's back in New York, this time for work. We've been away from each other for a month now and we have another three weeks to go. Our phone conversations have been relatively short and uninteresting, though to be fair, he does admit to being uncomfortable on the phone. I'm struggling internally between two things: (1) my instinct to distance myself because I'm feeling insecure about him being there in New York on his own, with apps on his phone, and (2) me telling myself to just trust him and not think too much about this.
Also, in August, he'll be moving permanently to a city 2 hours away, which isn't too bad, but I figured this info could add more color to the situation.
I know it's a lot of text, but please let me know what you guys think!
Thanks so much!!
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