Hard situation here

[alex85]

I'm Alex, 23 years old, I'm from Hungary but work often leads me to neighboring countries and now I'm abroad.
I'm not sure if I'm gay or if I should say I'm bi-sexual, always liked women very much, i still do and I've never been attracted to a man till recently when I met someone, who is gay, that at first impressed me with who he was, his personality and his work but somehow along the way I've started to like him in more then in a friendly way. Wasn't easy for me to recognize that as it's not easy now to accept it because I used to be very prejudiced against gays and despised them as unmanly.
Thats just a part of the problem and idk how can I say this as I'm not sure how it will be recieved here. I was quite an extremist, used to hang out with the wrong ppl, some nazi groups popular around, did some things I'm not proud of and now everything I've done turned out against me cause I have quite a reputation in my hometown and many hate and/or fear me. My family's hating on me, I've lost all friends and this man I was talking about says he can't trust me in the least, not even as a friend.
I would welcome some advice from you as I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

[marshlander]

Welcome to the site, Alex. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. I'm not sure what sort of advice you might be expecting on this. I try to treat people the same way I would like to be treated. It doesn't always happen, but most times things work out okay.

As you deal with ideas around the notion that not everyone can be the same I hope you will not give yourself and others such a difficult time. We have a saying in English that "misery loves company", which in your case I would interpret as referring to the fact that the extremists with whom you have been associated will have been very pleased to have you in their gang. It is much harder when you start to work things out for yourself away from the pack.

Good luck to you.

[alex85]

Welcome to the site, Alex. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. I'm not sure what sort of advice you might be expecting on this. I try to treat people the same way I would like to be treated. It doesn't always happen, but most times things work out okay.

As you deal with ideas around the notion that not everyone can be the same I hope you will not give yourself and others such a difficult time. We have a saying in English that "misery loves company", which in your case I would interpret as referring to the fact that the extremists with whom you have been associated will have been very pleased to have you in their gang. It is much harder when you start to work things out for yourself away from the pack.

Good luck to you.

I honestly didn't expect someone will answer my post, tnx for doing that.
You're right about my involvment with my former friends, no one pressured me to join them, I did it by myself and was quite pleased with the way we used to spend our time. I have no excuse for what I've done, I know it very well and I won't juge anyone for not wanting to speak with me now.
I've caused much pain around me, starting with my family and naighbors, my ex-colleagues from university from wich I was even close to being expelled 2 times not even to mention some other folks I didn't even knew but decided to treat like crap for some stupid resons.
This guy knows me from college so he thinks the worst about me, he avoids me and supposidly said that it's his worst nightmare that I work in the same place as he and even told some crazy stories about me that put me in a horrible light with some ppl there.
Now idk how to act, I would like to change ppl's minds about me, and this guy's perception of me also, I would like to befriend him but idk what is the best way to do that. Someone from another board said I should speak to him and tell him how much I like him but idk if I should do that, it just doesn't sound good to me.

[Low__x]

You can't change people's minds.
What people think about you is what they think, nothing can change that but themselves.

If you want to make people realize you're a good guy,
then show them you're a good guy.
Bisexuality and Homosexuality has nothing to do with your situation.
There can only be one Nazi party, and they're ALL dead.

You used to be Homophobic, of course you're not going to know how to act.
The biggest piece of blunt advice I have for you is to suck it up and get over it, because if you are bi or gay, you are.
Never be ashamed of it, embrace it.
It's those who are ashamed of it that end up living the bad life. ;]

Sit back,
shush,
relax,
and smoke a fatty.

You're just an ex. criminal trying to get a clean slate.
Majority of them do, too. :]

Good luck, sugar.

[marshlander]

... This guy knows me from college so he thinks the worst about me, he avoids me and supposidly said that it's his worst nightmare that I work in the same place as he and even told some crazy stories about me that put me in a horrible light with some ppl there.
Now idk how to act, I would like to change ppl's minds about me, and this guy's perception of me also, I would like to befriend him but idk what is the best way to do that. Someone from another board said I should speak to him and tell him how much I like him but idk if I should do that, it just doesn't sound good to me.

Sadly it is much harder to undo a bad reputation than it is to earn one. I don't know if you will ever be redeemed in the eyes of this person who knew you in your former state. Although talking can clear the air, some people need to be able to deal with what they may have lost as a result of what you did in their own way. It may well involve never speaking to you again. It sounds like a tough lesson to work through. As for how to act, I can only think that were I in your situation I would try to act like the person I wanted to be and I don't know how well I would manage it.

Without intending to be patronising may I wish you well for having the courage to face this, for wanting to change and for happier times.

[alex85]

I try to do the right thing but it's so hard when you're surrounded with so much negativity. Everithing I do and say it's immediately interpretend in a way or another, and some greatly exagerated so-called facts about me are circulating at work. Sometimes I wonder if this guy it's like so terrified of me, his biggest nightmare to work with me like he said, and I'm such a monster why did he choose to work for the same company and in the same department as I do (we had a public job offert market at university when we graduated and everyone knew I took this job) and now he's starting this crazy rumors about me, he must hate me a lot. I feel like a total loser and somewhat guilty for thinking of him so much.

[marshlander]

I suppose you could try talking to him, but don't expect too much. There will come a time, though, when you will have to forgive yourself too.

[fjp999]

Without intending to be patronising may I wish you well for having the courage to face this, for wanting to change and for happier times.

[COLOR="Purple"]WoW... I agree with Marsh that you do have something unique to have to work thru and are looking for advice but WoW!

I guess you could try tattooing "I AM A FAG" on your forehead so that you can be treated the same as you treated others...

I really do wish you the best in this new adventure.[/COLOR]

[alex85]

I guess you could try tattooing "I AM A FAG" on your forehead so that you can be treated the same as you treated others...

What can I say, tnx for the advice, will be very useful.
Look, when I first posted here I already knew you'll give me a hard time, I won't say I don't deserve it, but pls cut this crap with me, I already have some serious issues, not only regarding what I've wrote here.
My parents are on the point of divorcing cause of me, my mom despises my father for not being able to stand up to me, like she says and this lead to many fights between them two.
She was extremely angry especially when I displayed a picture of my grandfather in the living room( he was high in the SS hierarchy back in the day) and my father didn't dare to confront me. She was quite happy when I left home but the fights continued in my absence.
My sister hates me also because her bf left after I've scared him off (he was jewish) and now she doesn't even speak to me.
And everyone in the neighborhood knows about me and most of them avoid me, they exaggerate a lot about what I've done, it is said that one of my neighbor's son who was a member of the same gang as I was, stayed in hospital after I've beat him down in front of the whole group cause he tried to defend some immigrant - that's not true, there was a incident like that but he didn't stayed in hospital.
Actually I'm pleased my work required me to leave my hometown cause ppl will never give me a second chance there. Unfortunately there are still some at work who know me from college.

[marshlander]

Alex, your story troubles me and I'm not entirely sure why. You present a picture of a man trying to move on from a past in which some bad things happened. However, in my head there is also a little voice nagging, "But what about justice?" Leaving aside the question of whether or not you actually committed criminal acts according to the laws of your country it seems to me that too many people are too frightened of you to allow you into their lives. This is only the view of one bleeding-heart liberal, but the extraordinary situation you have created may well require extraordinary action on your part if you want to address this. The truth is that whatever you do it may not be enough in the eyes of some people. The present pope will never be allowed to forget his political past, even though membership of the Hitler Youth was a survival strategy for so many young people at the time.

I don't know how realistic a "My Name Is Earl" situation may be, but I feel I have to believe that a man can change if he really wants to. If we don't have the option of turning into people who can brighten the lives of others around us what is the point of trying? I just happen to believe there is a point. One thing that troubles me is whether I would be able to say this if you'd hurt someone I knew and loved? I don't know the answer.

Have you given any thought to perhaps volunteering your services to an agency that helps and supports people? At least if a new bunch of people begin to perceive you in a different way you may build the confidence to tackle some of the other issues and get some practical help with how best to deal with your past and move forward into a more fulfilling future.

Good luck.