Crossroads After Graduation

[writerbry]

Hi everyone. So as my title suggests, I am at a crossroads in my life, or I guess will be at a crossroads within the next 6 months. This is kind of multi-faceted, part relationship and part professional/career, so it's pretty complicated. I guess I'll start with the professional part first.

Starting August, I will be entering my last year of college as a Communications/ English: Creative Writing Major. Over the years, working for my school newspaper and having a few internships, I learned I'm not really particularly passionate about any field of communications to be honest. I don't mind journalism, social media, and PR, but I know I'll never be in love with it. I used to think growing up I'd eventually go to college, fall in love with a specific field, and be satisfied doing it for the rest of my life, but I don't think that'll be the case, even if I end up working in that field for financial opportunities.

My parents are also a huge part of this. My mom really wants me to go to graduate school as soon as I'm done with undergrad, but I don't really know how beneficial it is. The only program I could see myself pursuing is one in creative writing. However, a lot of American programs are starting rate of like $30-50k per year. While I love writing fiction and think it would be valuable to be part of a program that'll give me access to a writing community, help me get internships, be qualified to teach intro writing classes in college, and meet agents, I'm not too sure if all of that is worth $30-50k. An the other side, communications professionals I've spoken with in the past said grad school isn't overly necessary because in the field, experience is held in much higher regard than education.

The relationship component is that I've been in a relationship with a Canadian for the past 2 years. Originally, he intended to move here after he graduated (he's in grad school and graduated the same time I graduate undergrad), but since he wants to pursue his PhD, he got a whiff of American higher education costs and he thinks it's best to stay in Canada.

Financially, it'd even make sense for me to apply to some Canadian MFA programs because it would be within a price range I'm more comfortable with. However, my parents think I'll stay in Canada for good if I move there now and want to prevent that from happening. They said they want to pay for my tuition, but only if I stay local. Part of me doesn't even want to see them do that because it'll be so pricey, but on the other side, if I don't want them to pay, I don't think it's fair to me to be stuck with debt because I'm staying local.

Part of me also thinks about not going to grad school at all, but I don't even know where that leaves me.

Any advice would be great. It's just a really confusing, tense time and maybe some objective opinions could help.

Thanks in advance!

[MikeW]

...Financially, it'd even make sense for me to apply to some Canadian MFA programs because it would be within a price range I'm more comfortable with. However, my parents think I'll stay in Canada for good if I move there now and want to prevent that from happening. They said they want to pay for my tuition, but only if I stay local. Part of me doesn't even want to see them do that because it'll be so pricey, but on the other side, if I don't want them to pay, I don't think it's fair to me to be stuck with debt because I'm staying local. ....

First off, I'm probably not going to be much help. I'm a VERY impractical person. Prior to a few years ago (when I totally ran out of money after a life of pursuing my art), my art ALWAYS came first. My counsel for any artist is to do what feeds them... Obviously we have to eat but what I really mean is feeds their creative spirit. Always move in that direction.

In this case you say you're not in love with any field within the general writing field. Alright, but then you say you love writing fiction. So... there is *something* there... and perhaps you haven't yet found *what you want to say*. That can take a very long time... and whether it has anything to do with graduate school, who knows? Graduate school has its advantages but as you say it is costly... so its one of those "what do you want to do?" kind of things. If you don't really want to, I say don't do it. Then again, you never know. You might find yourself enjoying it more than you think...

I quoted the part about your parents because of everything you've said, I find that the most disturbing. I hate it when parents do that kind of manipulative shit. Thats what is is, a manipulation. We'll help you if you do what WE want, fuck what you want. I don't know, if my parents said that to me, my come back would be, first off, to point out they were being manipulative assholes. Secondly I'd say either they want to help ME or they don't. If they want to help ME, then they'll stop being assholes and help me do what *I* want, not put a carrot on a stick to make me do what THEY want. Good parents should truly know better in this day and age. ... Sorry... It's a bit of a rant but it just irritates the fuck out of me when I hear stuff like that. I personally wouldn't put up with it and tell them to take their money and shove it where the light don't shine. But ... as I say .. I'm not the least bit practical.

IDK what else to say, really. Being a creative artist you have to have some deep passion for it on some level. You have to want it badly enough to suffer for it, struggle with it, dig deep down into it (and yourself) to find out what is true for you, and a way of expressing that truth that is true to itself.

Absent that, IDK what... I guess my position would be to simply just enjoy your life and not worry about which decision is the "right" one. I mean, obviously, practically speaking, some decisions are better than others. BUT... when you think about it, the reality is none of us can predict the outcome of ANY decision we make. I could decide to go to work and get hit by a bus. I could decide to stay at home and die of a heart attack. Neither of these are likely. BUT, no matter which I choose to do, SOMETHING completely unpredictable will happen. That's just the way life works. So... you make your choice and live with the consequences, hopefully with as little regret as possible.

Good luck!

[ceez]

I just wanted to add that experience is held higher than education, I've been leaning on my education to get a job but keep getting turned down because of lack of experience. I also recommend not going to grad school if it's not something you are passionate about, it can have a negative affect on your grades.. and it's stressful.

[writerbry]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] (I hope this way of tagging works) Thank you for your very well thought out and candid response, I appreciate your input. I do understand fully what you're saying about how your passion needs to drive you. I feel like I've always held myself back from my art and passions because of the fear it wasn't lucrative or wouldn't provide me with the luxuries in life that I want. However, I think that part of what I need to do, perhaps in the next year, is really allow myself to experiment with my art and give myself over to it as fully as possible. I don't want to look back at life and regret not pursing my dreams because I thought they were too risky or impossible to achieve. As for my parents, I do also very much get what you're saying. I like to think that it all comes from a very good place. That I am their only child and they don't want to lose me, but at some point I do believe they realize they won't be able to hold me back. I'm sure they'll come around no matter what it is that I decide to do. I guess it's just hard to make everyone happy, but then again, that's always been the way I am, I'd rather put myself out in order to make others happy, never thinking about my own feelings. I guess that's not a bad thing necessarily, but something I'll surely need to improve on a bit so I don't live a life of getting walked all over.
[MENTION=13830]ceez[/MENTION] Thank you as well for your feedback. I know I need to do some soul searching in the next year. I hope I'll figure it out! It can really be frustrating when you put in so much money and effort into school, just have companies turn you down from lack of experience. I've always resented that, but I guess we can't make the rules, we just have to live by them :/

[MikeW]

...I've always held myself back from my art and passions because of the fear it wasn't lucrative or wouldn't provide me with the luxuries in life that I want. However, I think that part of what I need to do, perhaps in the next year, is really allow myself to experiment with my art and give myself over to it as fully as possible. I don't want to look back at life and regret not pursing my dreams because I thought they were too risky or impossible to achieve.

There's something I want to say to that and I'm not sure I know how to say it. (I'm not a writer and, although I do write a lot and people tell me I write well, I'm a visual artist and for most of my life could not express myself in words at all.)

It's complicated. There are some art forms that *can* be very lucrative. All one need do is look around at the entertainment industry to see examples. That said, there are also many artists who struggle economically. They may very well succeed at their art... at achieving their artistic goals... but fail at achieving economic success. (That's pretty much my story.)

So one has to ask one's self, what's really important? Is it to have the wealth necessary to keep one feeling comfortable? Or is it something else, some ambition, some need to learn or do or express something that's far less tangible than our "imagest" culture acknowledges? (People say we live in a "materialist" culture; this is false. What is important in our culture is not the 'thing' so much as 'the way it looks' and, more so, 'the way it makes me look'... thus the IMAGE it provides one.)

I think taking time to explore your own art is an excellent idea. I also want to suggest that doing so for one year may NOT be enough. At some point, at some level, you're going to have to decide what you want and whether or not you're going to go for it, fight for it, and accept the reality that you may fail. You may fail economically and/or you may fail artistically. (Yes there are crappy artists who are economic successes, IMO.)

So what do you want? What do YOU want.

I understand you may not know. That's ok. At least you know you don't know. That's better than *thinking* you know when in fact you don't.

As for my parents, I do also very much get what you're saying. I like to think that it all comes from a very good place. That I am their only child and they don't want to lose me, but at some point I do believe they realize they won't be able to hold me back. I'm sure they'll come around no matter what it is that I decide to do. I guess it's just hard to make everyone happy, but then again, that's always been the way I am, I'd rather put myself out in order to make others happy, never thinking about my own feelings. I guess that's not a bad thing necessarily, but something I'll surely need to improve on a bit so I don't live a life of getting walked all over.

Yeah.

I can't underscore strongly enough that you can NOT make anyone else happy. Oh, sure, you can do things that may please them and give them happiness for some short period of time. But a person's overall happiness, first and foremost is THEIR responsibility and, second, is a choice in their life that ONLY they can make.

It may be that your coming into existence has made your parents very happy and they've told you that since you were a small child. So you've grown up believing that it is your responsibility to do that for them. Well, it isn't. That's not your number one job. You number one job is making YOURSELF happy.

Now, as one great sage once said, "Happiness is not a very high state," and I agree with that. So lets agree that when we talk about happiness, what we're really talking about is something deeper than mere exuberance in the moment. We're talking about a sense of being IN and connected TO one's self, one's life... one's passion... one's "reason" for existing. That's happiness. From within THAT state, it is possible to serve others as needed WITHOUT denying one's self.

Artists HAVE to serve their art. An artist will take whatever job he has to take to PAY for his art. Ideally the art will begin to support the artist's life, but if not, the art comes first. Nothing gets in the way of it. Some see that as "selfish"... I see it as dedication, drive, ambition, what it takes.

Your life belongs to you and you alone. If you can't make yourself happy then you most surely will never succeed at making anyone else happy either.

That's the way I see it.

[writerbry]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] It's funny, right after I saw what you said, I looked on FB and the first thing on my feed was someone sharing this picture.