What does he want?

[Vantw]

Before I start, I probably should mention that we're both gay. I'm 21 and out, he's 26 and still hasn't to family* because, well, it wouldn't go well.

So it all starts in October; we met at uni though LGBT. We'd hadn't really talked a lot, but he invited me to his birthday party and we got chatting a bit more. Then we said that we'd hang out in London, but I thought that was one of those things you say but don't really mean. Anyway, he did.

So we were meant to go to the New Year's celebrations together with some of his friends, and he managed to get me a ticket even though they'd sold out, but I got lost and didn't make it. We met up later in the week, and I helped him with a few things; we then went to dinner together as a thank you, and a kind of goodbye as I was moving abroad for six months.

So I got back a few weeks ago, and we met up again. He's got a place, so he invited me to come around and just hang out, so I did. Again, got dinner, had a few drinks and caught a film, but it got late so we didn't finish it. He then said - weirdly - that he needed to give a family member a gift* (at 3AM?), and went out to give it to her, but I stayed over anyway. It's here I see a box of condoms and lube in the bedroom. But I'm not sure if they're just there normally.

We then met up the next day and went clubbing.

So we're in the club, and this guy comes up, starts flirting, whatever. I'm not really into it, but I flirt back to be polite and stuff. He then asks my friend if I'm single - AND HE SAYS NO! (I am BTW). Then, later, he starts getting with this other guy, and I'm leaving him to it (not to cockblock). So we get separated a little bit; he finds me, brings me over, INTRODUCES ME TO THE GUY* (who quite rightly is like WTF), and continues getting off with him in front of me.

So now I'm properly confused, as it seems like a lot of contradictions. For example, when we're talking, he always makes jokes about us hooking up, but then he says that I'm the type of person he'd go for coffee or dinner with. Or that he only gets with hot guys but, well, not from what I've seen. Or that he's ready to settle down with his ideal guy type, but I've never even seen him talk to people that are his type. But then for everything I've said so far, I don't get the feeling that he fancies me or something like that. But then when it comes to starting the conversation，most of the time it would be me that does it.

Anyway, as I'm rubbish at reading people, I'm asking for advice, as I don't know WHAT THE HELL is going on. I'd ask him, as I fancy him a lot, but I don't want to ruin the friendship. But - I'm nowhere near wanting to settle down.

tl:dr Don't know if my friend fancies me or not, his actions seem to contradict themselves to me.

[princealbertofb]

to GaySpeak @Vantw. I don't really know what to say, because, as you said yourself, it's all confusing. You make him sounds like someone who wants to have their cake and eat it as well, but maybe he's too shy or too confused himself to make himself available to you. Maybe he's not ready yet to commit. He has said that you weren't his type, except to go out to dinner and coffee with, right? Maybe you two should just stick to that.

Have you two discussed what you were looking for in life? Does he know you're looking for a steady relationship? Are you looking for a steady (monogamous?) relationship?

The fact that all this flirtatiousness was going on in a club (which is the place to flirt, right?) and among a crowd of horny adults (presumably) maybe even after ingestion of some alcohol would not make anyone's judgement particularly sharp. So if you are going to get an honest answer out of him, I'm make sure it happened at a time when he was not under the influence, at all.

Ah, but your feelings are becoming a little too affectionate for him and his presence is soon sorely missed? Can you honestly tell us what you see in him? Would he make a good sex companion as well as a social companion? What makes you think so?

[Darius]

Hi Vantw. Let me ask you this: if you find out he only wants friendship, can you handle that?
You said he got off with another guy in a club in front of you. I assume you mean he made out with him rather than had sex, right? That is just odd. Do you think he wanted you to have a threesome?
I would say he is messing with your head. Whether it's intentional or not, maybe you don't know.
If you stop initiating contact with him, what happens?
Sorry for all the questions but your situation is pretty strange.

[Borg69]

He sounds like a flake who doesn't know what he wants, and resorts to silly head games and beating around the Bush tactics instead of just coming out and asking if you're interested. Why be possessive over you one minute and then try to make you jealous the next? The display of condoms would have been a turn off for me. Was there a turnstile and a time clock too?

Some guys are forward. Some guys are shy... and some guys are just bat shit crazy.

[Vantw]

Ah, but your feelings are becoming a little too affectionate for him and his presence is soon sorely missed? Can you honestly tell us what you see in him? Would he make a good sex companion as well as a social companion? What makes you think so?

That's the thing, he's a really cool guy - I might not have made it sound so, but he's easy to hang around and get on with. And also, he's really cute too!

[Vantw]

Hi Vantw. Let me ask you this: if you find out he only wants friendship, can you handle that?

Easily - I always thought were were just friends anyway until all this started happening. My attitude would be if you're not interested, you're not interested, But then all these mixed signals are happening now, so I don't really know what to think.

[Camfer]

I think he wants you as a wing man -- someone who's by his side to help him get laid by someone else. If you enjoy hanging with him, go ahead, but think of it as a somewhat lopsided friendship. Next time he tells someone you're not single, correct it on the spot.

[Darius]

I think he wants you as a wing man -- someone who's by his side to help him get laid by someone else. If you enjoy hanging with him, go ahead, but think of it as a somewhat lopsided friendship. Next time he tells someone you're not single, correct it on the spot.

Exactly right, I think. I really wonder if they can have a true frienchship when the OP has feelings for him and the guy knows it and uses it.

[Haerts]

If you're looking for something serious, I don't think this guy is the one for you. It appears that you two don't have a clear communication between each other and he just wants to mess around.

It seems like he's using you as well.