Hello to all

[Justaguy]

Haha thanks

[CellarDweller]

welcome to the forum

[BlueStar]

Welcome on board

[princealbertofb]

Hello, @Justaguy, and to GaySpeak. So what happened that you've just come to accept who you were? Would you say you were in denial, or just a late bloomer? How did you find out that you were probably gay? What's your (romantic) background like?

[Justaguy]

Hey thanks for the additional welcomes [MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] Wow where to begin? I guess one day (about a year ago) I just woke up and it was like a massive revelation: 'I'm gay, I can't change it, I can't hide from it - I just have to accept myself'.

Before that yes I would say I was in MASSIVE denial for years, even now I'm not entirely sure why, but I suppose a lot of it was fear. I had absolutely no idea of what being gay meant beyond having sex with other men. I'd never met a gay man - the only ones I knew of were 'camp' TV personalities that I really didn't identify with personally. Of course this was all when I was much younger (I was a fairly early bloomer - about 12 / 13 years old to answer your question).

As to 'how' I found out I guess it was a gradual process, I've had masturbatory fantasies about guys - well for as long as I could masturbate, but a mixture of denial and ignorance meant that I didn't really know the meaning of it. Then when I was 17 I first started watching gay porn, I remember feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself everytime I watched it and still denying that I was what I am. I think it wasn't until I was about 19 / 20 that I first thought about myself as gay, but convinced myself that I could change or that it was just a 'phase'. And then as I mentioned before, I was about 21/22 before I truly accepted who I was.

As for my romantic background - well there's very little to tell. I'm a virgin with regards to both men and women (No matter how much I tried to convince myself I was never able to have sex with a woman - which I'm extremely happy about now - god that would have been awkward!) I've yet to be intimate with another man in any way, but hopefully will once I feel a bit more confident with myself.

And that's that really... probably way more than you wanted to know but I kind of got into a bit of a rant there

[jeremyst]

I agree with people being nice and friendly here so far.

Welcome to the forum, from a co-newbie

[princealbertofb]

@Justaguy, no, I wouldn't call that a rant. It was just what you needed to tell us. Now for the material realisation of your gayness. Finding that man / those men who will make your life more complete. Good luck whatever you try. It's a tricky road but then it would be for heteros too.