careless about life ...

[verysimple]

i don't know what's going on with me lately.. but i have been careless about everything. nothing matters to me anymore and there's not much that gets to me. I have been with the married dude for more than a month now. For all those judging me out there, you won't understand the culture and domestic pressure that made him do it. If he didn't do it, he would lose his family, the family business and go broke and homeless. Also, he being married, he needs that part where he has sex with men in his life. Because if he doesn't do it, he'll be sexually frustrated and all else will fail, his business, marriage, family and everything else. Doing it with men is his only relief.. I understand, and if it were out of this country I would tell him to fuck off, get a divorce or whatever and then he can get with me. But since we're in Jordan.. it's different and a lot of Married gay men do it..
This is my last time of ever doing it though.

He also owes his dad for it as he told me (idk why but maybe cuz his dad's been supporting him and needs him to have kids and a family cuz it's a family tradition for elder son to be married.)
I'm not emotionally involved with him really. It's just for fun and he knows it. He has fun with other dudes as well. he's a nice person though. And idk, somehow all this complicated mess just works out...
I have been talking to another dude at the same time and hanging with him. He's also nice but not much of a talker..

My piece of shit family has gotten to the level where they no longer speak to me anymore, they've been keeping away food from me and cut most of the financial support from me.. Note that I have been working out and I need the nutrition. If I am not nourished then no muscle mass will be built. So I'm kind of stuck here..
Although, it doesn't matter what they do cuz I no longer expect anything from them, they mean absolutely nothing to me. And I no longer want them to have any part of my life.

Sometimes, I just think to myself that maybe, it's not that i don't care.. It's the fact that I am too focused on getting out of here. So much that I don't recognize the shit they put me through and don't think of it at all. Working as a teacher assistant for almost 6 months now and keeping a high average at Univ and above all I have been accepted in an online course offered by a US univ that help me learn how to teach English to teenagers.. all that can be a huge asset at helping getting accepted for the Arabic teacher assistant program offered by the French embassy where I can go to france, teach arabic for 7 months and after that i can apply for masters and stay there.

I know I will get it. I am sure of it and I am very confident I will. Then the day will come when I pack my bags and just leave without telling anyone, without goodbyes. Nothing.
That'll be the perfect revenge for me.

[NativeSon]

You've set goals and you're working to achieve them. That sounds like the opposite of being careless about life. Pursuit of happiness is what sprang to mind.

you won't understand the culture and domestic pressure that made him do it.

Can you offer any insight that might help us understand? (No pressure.)

[verysimple]

You've set goals and you're working to achieve them. That sounds like the opposite of being careless about life. Pursuit of happiness is what sprang to mind.

Yeah ur prolly right.. I rlly care abt my goals and dreams and I am going all in..

Can you offer any insight that might help us understand? (No pressure.)

But I have offered insight or what I believe was enough of an insight.. His dad wanted him to have kids and pressured him to cuz his dad kind of has his ass since he was supporting him most of his life and to his dad the least he could do is have family and have a kid for him before his death..

Ofcourse living in my fucktard of a society coming out is equivalent to suicide and he had no other way.. Otherwise his family would disown him or think something is seriously wrong with him and start to pressure him .. Long story short.. It was either marriage and keeping his luxurious life or the streets, humiliation and have a tough life.. If it were me i'd go with marriage also and fuck guys on the side.. It's a smart choice given the circumstances

[LJay]

...smart until some guys come along and throw you off a roof.

Just get out of there as quickly as you possibly can.

[NativeSon]

Is there a difference between married men who fool around with other men and single guys who fool around with other men? Does the authority look the other way when it comes to married men doing the fooling around? It seems like it.

[mrex]

Thank god (im atheist ) that our society isnt run by religions. Althought we are quite conservatives still but atleast same sex can have a registered partnership and so on... I cant imagine to live in a country living still the stone age.

[LJay]

Is there a difference between married men who fool around with other men and single guys who fool around with other men? Does the authority look the other way when it comes to married men doing the fooling around? It seems like it.

Well it seems there is a difference where I am, [MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION]. There is scandal in either case, but the married guys get it on two fronts and the wife can get a divorce to boot.

Do you think that should be the way of things? I, who am given no opportunity to fool around with anyone, married or otherwise, do not have a developed opinion on the matter.

[NativeSon]

Well it seems there is a difference where I am, [MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION]. There is scandal in either case, but the married guys get it on two fronts and the wife can get a divorce to boot.

Do you think that should be the way of things? I, who am given no opportunity to fool around with anyone, married or otherwise, do not have a developed opinion on the matter.

Not at all.

I'm curious about the culture. Who wouldn't be?

I don't approve of cheating, for obvious reasons, if that's what you're asking me? Apparently it happens nonetheless. Not quite sure how your personal experience factors in here.

[LJay]

[MENTION=22821]NativeSon[/MENTION], I am saying that my comment is based on observation from the outside of such encounters and that I have no opportunity to see it from the inside. Nothng complicated meant to be implied.

I can say that I have seen firsthand that when one partner in a relationship is caught out there is a great deal more potential for fireworks. Two guys who are not in other relationship are likely to have a relatively small chance of notice of repercussion, providing they do not call attention to themselves. That is not really a matter of authority not noticing, but rather of discretion preventing notice.

[NativeSon]

You said people are thrown off roofs for not conforming to the societal standards that Simple brought to our attention. How do you know that? I was asking about his culture specifically. Sorry for the confusion.