Talking about yourself

[meridannight]

I feel like when I try to talk about my feelings, it makes my friends uncomfortable. Most of my relationships are based on me being supportive of the other, listening not talking, asking not responding. It's awkward for them, so they say awkward things that feel meaningless to me, or dismissive, or it just gets turned back to being about them. It's my fault for developing and encouraging such one sided relationships like that, but enough of those type of interactions and I just have stopped trying to share it.

I think a lot of people nowadays are uncomfortable on the subject of feelings, whether talking or listening. Because some people are completely incapable of responding to it adequately. Our culture feeds us models of it where you're supposed to say you understand and then tell that things will get better (if applicable), etc. But, in fact, those are meaningless and empty things to say. It's become like an automatic reflex response that comes out of people, and it doesn't feel real because it isn't.



I think, when you listen when another person talks about their feelings, actually responding to what they are saying requires more/other than just talking back (whether that is saying you understand or offering advice, or whatever). First and foremost you have to listen, not just listen, but actually listen to another person. I think this is where a lot of people get it wrong. They don't actually listen.

And then responding is a very subtle thing. Sometimes a silence and looks say more than words in such circumstances. Sometimes you actually don't have anything positive to say, but something negative (and that's not the wrong response). And some of the times physical touch is what does it. A hug, a rub on the back, or a hand on the shoulder. Something like that.

Responding also requires a connection between the one talking and the one listening. Being able to feel that connection, and letting it happen is another thing altogether. Again, not sure how many people are aware of this.

Don't take this as if I've figured it out or something. This is my experience in life and observations, and some of it is of experiment/theory I'm working on in my human relationships. But this right here, is a more fascinating angle of this topic for me.

[knickerbuck]

See Hadrian's Wall? I built that for myself ..

[MisterMagoo]

I'm definitely a lot better when it comes to listening rather than speaking about feelings.
I guess it's about being outside ones comfort zone.

[Cobalt]

I build bigger walls than Donal Trump could even dream of.
I'm pretty private.

[InbetweenDreams]

i build bigger walls than donald trump could even dream of..

love it!!!