Issues to feel pleasure when having sex

[Cideo61th]

Hi
I have a BF since a year and we love each other... we are both versatile ... problem, when I am top, I don't have sensations... even when i receive oral sex .. I have to finish by hand most of the time. Cause otherwise it would take in best case ... ages if something happens...
He is my first BF ... and truly love him... I thought it was the lack of experience on my side but after almost a year I m wondering if there is another issue with me ...
Hope someone with experience will be able to help me on the forum ... thank you

[TigerLover]

Sounds like you might've desensitised yourself.

Have you often "played the flesh flute" without lubricant. If yes this is probably it.

In future just take it east when you masturbate and use lots of lube. Sensitivity will return in time.

[Cideo61th]

Thank you so much for your response and advice ... this is right ... I have almost never used gel for masturbation ... did someone already encounter the same problem ... is there any way to regain in sensitivity faster? Like medical treatment ? And if not, how long would it take to feel sensations with my boyfriend normally ? Thanks again for your advice ... i was thinking to ask my doctor tomorrow during a general visit but feel a bit worried about his reaction ...

[MikeW]

Thank you so much for your response and advice ... this is right ... I have almost never used gel for masturbation ... did someone already encounter the same problem ... is there any way to regain in sensitivity faster? Like medical treatment ? And if not, how long would it take to feel sensations with my boyfriend normally ? Thanks again for your advice ... i was thinking to ask my doctor tomorrow during a general visit but feel a bit worried about his reaction ...

First of all, NEVER hesitate to tell or ask your Dr. anything. If you live in a country where having gay sex is forbidden and you wish to be discrete, just don't mention the gender of your partner.

As for something you can do to increase sensitivity faster, simply refrain from masturbating at all.

Finally, as far as having to jerk off to make yourself cum for your partner, *that is not uncommon*. There can be many different reasons why we don't allow ourselves to reach orgasm while being stimulated by someone else. For example, if we're used to masturbating, that particular sensation, rhythm, level of pressure, etc., is what we've trained ourselves to get us over the edge. Any other stimulus just might not do it. Same thing if we're used to watching porn to get off. We may not be able to without it. But the point of sex shouldn't be only just to achieve orgasm. True, that's the icing on the cake, perhaps, but there IS the cake. And when you have a partner, what that's all about is extended periods of physical touching and love making. Another aspect of this can be how much we're able to let ourselves *relax* and enjoy the stimulation we ARE feeling. This is one of my problems. I find it very difficult to allow myself to just relax and enjoy being pleasured by someone else because I'm simply not used to it.

Suffice it to say, if you just stop jerking off, either with or without your partner, you'll eventually build up enough erotic energy that you'll be BEGGING him to suck you off!

[Darius]

As others have said, it could be an issue of sensitivity, especially if you are the very enthusiastic jacker or if you roughly grip it. Remember, choking the chicken is just an expression. Be gentle with the little guy. The other thing is, it could just be that your cock is used to your own hand and anything else feels alient to him. Try jacking off differently, like using lube or using the other hand or edging.

But what I suggest most is this: communicate to your bf what you have told us. Before jumping into sex, have more sex play, foreplay. Let him play with your cock, gentle erotic touches. Include your balls and taint in the sex play. In other words, just be playful. There is no law that says you have to ejaculate during intercourse or oral sex. Is he complaining?

[artyboy]

Interesting points made here. I've always had problems with this problem. I've spoken to my GP about it and he's basically said the same as these guys here.

Deep down if I or the other person doesn't cum I feel the sex isn't complete and I've done something wrong.