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10-19-2016, 01:29 PM

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] I've always had intuition on bad persons, I mean this is why I wrote this thread in the beginning, every single description was actually based on some people I really met. I only had to wait just a bit to notice everything I suspected was right with these guys, one day I met a cool dude that I was very "connected" with him, until I discovered he has a girlfriend for years...

btw deceptions are necessary to make you realize what you want. In my case I realized that I want someone to really share my life with, who likes me physically but in personal as a whole, because I really feel that I need that, I want someone who likes the same things I like. Because I remember I met someone the extremely opposite as myself, because I was thinking "opposite poles tends to attract each other" I though It would be cool meeting and being with someone like this, but we both ended hating each other lol.

But now, until I met "someone", or the real one. I just still focusing on myself and my goals, in being in peace with me, because in the past I tended to felt the most things were my fault, and because I felt that I wasn't ready for a relationship.

10-19-2016, 01:34 PM

[MENTION=23660]nightingale93[/MENTION] Yes I feel the same, you know, just walking through this life expecting to find love in the way. not forcing anything, just hoping it happens naturally with the right person. Big Grin

InbetweenDreams · 10-19-2016, 01:47 PM

[MENTION=23908]Shawn[/MENTION] Well all I can say is while I have met a lot of guys I have not had all that many "relationships" and by that I mean ones that really had some sort of connection. Never lived with a guy or anything like that. Most of the guys I meet things just don't get real deep or I never meet up with a second time. So it has been hard to figure out exactly what I want but I feel that I am getting closer on figuring it out.

I can definitely take the time to work on myself I often am a bit harsh with myself because I feel like if I meet someone who I really like and think they're the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with well I better try to make damn sure they feel that way about me and if I am not trying to improve on myself what is there to desire. I feel like I am often the debtor, that I need to make up for my shortcomings. However I feel that when you're in love with someone you don't see their flaws, only the good things and perhaps it is easy to feel that way. Perhaps that's why I feel like I have to go way beyond what I should at times? Hmmm...

10-20-2016, 06:53 AM

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION] Interesting, because I go slow by almost the same reason, because I want to make sure someone really knows me and my flaws before telling me he loves me..

relationships... I only had 1. about meetings guys, yes that's why usually happens, when you met someone example. online, it's different. that's what I like to meet people personally, I remember I used apps and meeting in person people that I met online, and not having a second date with them, then I understood that's the normal with these stuffs. In person things are different I don't know if the chemical theory of human pheromones is true, but I think it has a bit with it lol. I met in person people that would not usually "choose" me on online dating sites... the issue with them? the same as I wrote above in the thread (usually the both last ones)

Flaws... Ok, when you met someone and you fall in love with that person YOU WILL ALWAYS know their flaws, but love is like... local anesthesia, have you ever being operated or something with that? I was in my hand once, you know someone is cutting and hurting your tissue but you don't really care because you can't feel it... well that's the most accurate example I can portray about the sensation.
You have to focus in your flaws, but to please yourself not someone else. I did it, and now I feel ready for a relationship. Because your flaws is somethings that you concern, affects you directly, the way you behave, so don't try to think about anyone. just about your own wellness.

InbetweenDreams · 10-20-2016, 02:35 PM

Well in the not so distant past I would have had the right mindset but realistically I would try to speed things up and rush into things which of course is a dangerous thing to do, at least from the perspective of aiming for a long term, or life time relationship.... People say long term, I say life time because long term doesn't mean you intend to stick together. I do think people CAN stick together when they do love someone, but the minute you stop loving someone things will fall apart. Sometimes we think and feel that it would be impossible for something to happen, as I felt that way before and was wrong a few times. I do think it does pay to do the due diligence and take the extra time....

I do agree that focusing on my own flaws is both and can be a bad thing. I do think that in the past I have done things, like try to lose weight so I could look more appealing to other guys or so I thought that was the right way. In the end it doesn't make much difference, I mean the guy who didn't want to date me before isn't going to be the right person for me anyway. Likewise, I shouldn't expect many guys to want to date me if I am 400 lbs either, or if I do drugs, smoke, etc.

I worry that my flaws are scaring off a lot of people who might otherwise think I am a good guy, like maybe they're keeping distant due to my flaws....but again, probably not the right person if they're expecting someone to be unrealistic in not having flaws. There are better guys and much worse than me. I think that is a fair stance.

LJay · 10-21-2016, 01:36 AM

Good heavens, Shawn. That is not supposed to be the case until you are an old fart like I am!

Be younger! Be happy!

10-21-2016, 07:12 AM

LJay Wrote:Good heavens, Shawn. That is not supposed to be the case until you are an old fart like I am!

Be younger! Be happy!

This IQ of 165 doesn't allow me to act younger, I feel like if I've lived so many lives lol.

Ok, it's a joke but, yes, sometimes I can't release too much without feeling uncomfortable.

LJay · 10-21-2016, 07:22 AM

I have the same problem. Don't smile much. Was born middle aged and one of three only children. No joking here.

But try to learn to be free. You will be giving others a great gift if you can be.

10-22-2016, 08:19 AM

[MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION]

I don't know why are you keep trying to hurry things. just keep cool dude, look I remember being that way last year and this behavior just led me to devastation and just more frustration. love can't be forced and anybody likes to be feeling forced to love someone, example. I'm one of those guys, the most someone is trying to put the "pedal" on the "relationship" the most I feel an "intense" vibe from the guy, and I just walk away from them, even if he's a "good" one. I'm not talking about myself as an good option for anybody, I'm just talking about my behavior as a common sense. I guess you are 30 you still have time, even if you get 40 or 50, when true loves finally arrive, that age will not really matters.

I found the definition of "true love" when I was 16, I was in a main mature relationship at my fucking 16 adolescent years old hahaha. with someone of my own age, but mature as myself. then that was over, I've had to discover the real world, put the feet on the ground and met again with real shitty people of my real age. I was so upset, I wanted everything my way again that I began to made so huge mistakes in forcing everything. the worst thing that I did was release, when I get very frustrated of not finding another "right one" I just began to accept meet everybody, even if I knew at first sight that those kind of dudes wasn't my type, and then I began to accept their demands in order to force something to work... and that's the way I depressed, because I forget to care about myself just because I was trying to recover something I lost years before.

I don't know when love is gonna touch my life, but what I learned was to relax, focus on my main professionals goals, like having my own home, my own buss. and pay my own bills with my own money, construct a career, so I know I will not be losing time by just focusing in one thing, I LEARNED that I don't have to do ANYTHING to AGREE anybody. my life is the way it is, I'm still constructing, remodeling it, I don't have to be perfect to anyone. and by the way, nobody is really trying.

InbetweenDreams · 10-22-2016, 11:24 AM

Well I am learning to slow down and be cool. I think it is an irrational fear and that I am often quite lonely, not because I don't have a bf, just in general.

I do agree that there should be no "trying." I think things should for the most part click into place, but that's not totally true either...it does take effort which a lot of people think "trying" is putting in effort and while that's sort of true you end up with different results depending on where the effort is coming from.

It is a negative feedback loop being lonely, I've kind of done the same thing. I have opened up to guys I probably wouldn't want to date and part of that is also figuring things out for myself as well but you get in this mindset that you need to date people, make friends, etc. Which is all fine but finding true love and good friends don't come very easy, even for the so-called social butterfly. Well not all the time anyway. I do think some people definitely glow and just somehow draw people in.