Came out... officially?

[dwightc]

I just came out to my parents today, and boy were they angry... my mom said said she's so sad I told her this, and that's its true; she said she's not sure if she will be able to even look at me the same again.
I just over heard them talking about letting me go because of all this "stress" I've put on them??

Now, I'm regretting I've ever said anything; I'm about lose everything now. I feel so ashamed of myself.
I told them if I leave, then I'm dying right there on the spot. They said nothing and sent me out.

What am I ever to do? This is just not worth it. Going through all this pain, but it was eating me alive.

I just think: "Jesus what the hell was I thinking"?

I had mentioned this to them a while back, sort of bluntly, but I think then they just brushed it off their shoulders and tried harder to change me.

[meridannight]

I'm sorry about that.

What about your friends, or relatives? Do you have anybody you could turn to for support?

[dwightc]

I've never had any friends, and my relatives (and according to my mom) are shady and pretty toxic themselves, not just with gays, but with other things too.

What am I to do? I mean, it'll be silly for me to turn around and say: "oh, I was just joking", or, "it was all in my head", just to not get kicked out.

[Camfer]

You've known for a long time, but for them this is big and sudden news they have to digest. I hope they come around quickly. If they don't, it's their fault, not yours. You made a good bold step. Now make sure your contingency plans are set in place.

[Camfer]

I've never had any friends, and my relatives (and according to my mom) are shady and pretty toxic themselves, not just with gays, but with other things too.

What am I to do? I mean, it'll be silly for me to turn around and say: "oh, I was just joking", or, "it was all in my head", just to not get kicked out.

Well if not friends and family then you turn to social support services.

"Rainbow Alley is a safe space supporting LGBTQ youth and their allies ages 11 to 21, providing a drop-in space, youth-led events and activities, counseling and support groups, health services, and life services, all in a warm, welcoming, and supportive environment."

1301 E Colfax
Denver, CO 80218
303-733-7743

They'll either help or point you in the right direction.

[SilverBullet]

I dont know your parents so I can only assume/guess at things.
My guess is they wont kick you out and any negatives will dull in short.
To them you just dropped a bomb, if they are like my family both sides (super religious) reasoning with them is probably an impossibility :*( which is why I never really let the cat out of the bag to anyone cept mom and step dad.

I think they will want to talk to you soon, im sure they are wondering how far you have went with this and see what may have caused this. If they do then that may be a chance to say "I just dont know know im confused." Maybe you could backtrack to the point of "im not really attracted to guys, I just prefer their company because of *reason*" I think they will rationalize that you are in fact not gay/bi and just depressed or something.

Im trying to thing how things may play out to give you some ideas but since I dont know you or them my advice is limited. I dont see a win in anyway for you to bring this up though. IE dont mention this again, let it slide under the table UNLESS you find an opportune moment to mention your simply confused. Dont say gay.

[dwightc]

okay now I'm really lost.
I am gay, I'm not confused on that; but being here in this environment makes me what to be a nothing.
I told my dad this is becoming a toxic place now because of their disapproval, and he says: "its only toxic because you make it toxic."
Then he had the audacity to say that when I'm gone he wouldn't give a fuck if I lived or died or not, cause having a gay son is the worst thing he's have to live with.
what the hell?

I'll have to wait to morning to call that number, thanks for that.

They always say: "No one in this world is gonna love you more than you family does", not sure about that now.

[Ibex]

Get a job, like at a grocery store for starters. Unless you have a job already.
Then check in to a motel or hotel for awhile.
Put and ad in the newspapers that you're searching for someone who needs a roommate that can chip in on the rent.
Eventually your parents might call you and say they're fine with it.
Maybe they just need time to adjust.

Oh nice, the US has a helpline for gays like this guy

Good luck m8, I'm sure you'll do fine.
And don't feel ashamed.
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are"
"There's nothing wrong with you, but there's a lot of wrong with the world you live in"

[dwightc]

I hope to start this job next week, it'll be the first one in a long time. But currently none now.
I know its toxic being here, but if I could at least get that job before the kick happens, at least I wouldn't be completely empty handed.

I talked with my sister a while ago about staying with her if such were to really happen.
Her response: No. (Long story short) That didn't surprise me. In fact, her advice to me was: "You should've kept your mouth shut."
Well, yeah, I probably should have, and continue hating everyone outside my immediate family cause I thought they were the only ones who cared for me.

Lies.

Look at me, I sound all dramatic now.

Hopefully that Rainbow alley is opened one weekends and I could give them a call tomorrow.

[Cridders88]

I do not blame you for telling your family who you are, as you said it was eating you up, we all know what that is like. I am so sorry that they have reacted like this. It makes me so sad to hear that people still get treated this way for being who they are.

Your Dad is the one that is toxic. What a disgusting human being, talking that way about his own son. It is true, you need to put quick plans in place to get yourself out of that toxic environment that YOUR FAMILY are creating, not you. Until these plans are in place, it might be worth following [MENTION=19807]SilverBullet[/MENTION]'s advice, at least to keep a roof over your head until you have something sorted, but I would get out of there as fast as you can. They may come round in time, it does happen, and I hope it does for you, but in the mean time you need to put plans in place to be able to stand on your own two feet, and I wish you all the luck with that.

And don't ever feel ashamed for who you are. You are who you are, you can't change that, and neither should you ever feel you have to