Love Him but Not Enough?

[simpsonsmug]

Has anybody felt you love your boyfriend but not enough? Here is what I am struggling: Because I love him, I want to make my boyfriend happy. So I do things that I make him but I feel I am obligated to do so instead of feeling I WANT to do so (voluntarily). I want to stay with him but I feel I lack the feeling of I want to do everything for him. Am I not truly in love?

I feel like I am convincing myself that I love him, and I do, but I am missing the true love feeling that I want to anything for him voluntarily. Please help.

[InbetweenDreams]

Has anybody felt you love your boyfriend but not enough? Here is what I am struggling: Because I love him, I want to make my boyfriend happy. So I do things that I make him but I feel I am obligated to do so instead of feeling I WANT to do so (voluntarily). I want to stay with him but I feel I lack the feeling of I want to do everything for him. Am I not truly in love?

I feel like I am convincing myself that I love him, and I do, but I am missing the true love feeling that I want to anything for him voluntarily. Please help.

I can't say I have been in that situation... I guess up to this point I'm either hot, or not. There are a lot of things that can fall into the gray area but for me love isn't one of those things. Maybe someone with a bit more wisdom can add something there but what sets off a red flag is feeling obligated to do something to make him happy... Are we talking about making him a ham sandwich or every aspect of your life is a compromise? I think you should dive into what is happening there. I think I would get worn down too if I kept telling myself to do something to make my partner happy...but it also depends on what you're doing as to whether or not it is something you should be doing...like not cheating for instance.

There are always some compromises, might be having to clean up the house, pay for this, save for that. I know a couple who sleep in separate beds because one snores too loud. The point is that there are compromises that are fine and good and then you can do too much that can really weigh you down... It shouldn't feel like an obligation, like you're getting a court order to do something...

[deephiance]

Obligation is where relationship ends and friendship starts.

You need to figure out for yourself why you feel 'obligated' to do the bf things, because guaranteed, the obligation will turn into animosity rather quickly.

[Camfer]

I think you are confusing love with a feeling. Feelings are very fickle. They come and go.

Love is when two people are together in service to a higher ideal. Sometimes you do stuff for the relationship or for your partner not because you want to, but because it helps the two of you as a unit. Maturity is when you can help the relationship along by doing some things even though you are not thrilled at doing it.

If you think that you have to be aching to do every sweet nothing for your boyfriend, and that somehow proves your love is true, well then I think you have adopted some Hollywood version of romantic love. You might want to look more deeply. Sometimes love is showing up even when it's hard.

To turn it around, does your boyfriend do things for you because he's crazy infatuated head over heels in love with you, or does he sometimes do things for you just because he knows you appreciate it? Either way, is it a problem?

[Darius]

Hire a houseboy to do everything for him, then you are free to just love him.

[simpsonsmug]

Hi everyone. Thank you for your advice. To answer some questions, when I do things, I didn't mean chores. I meant doing something special, like planning some special events. I don't like to do any special events. But he does. And I do so because he likes it (not like voluntarily).

He really loves me, and he is a person who does everything for me (voluntarily) to make me happy.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Ok, well, we all do things we don't like for the ones we love now-and-then. Not liking doign the isn't the point, the point is that you're doing the for him -regardless- of not liking it.

As long as that sense of "obligation" doesn't turn into resentment, I don't see a problem here.

And yes, I often feel I don't love [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] enough. Not because of what you describe, but because.... I think he loves me WAY more, or maybe he just expresses it differently or way better than I do. We've discussed it many times (I've brought it up), but he doesn't feel the same about it.