Introduction

[chiaroscuru]

Hello all,

I'm glad that I actually found a chat site on the internet that deals with being gay.

I'm 36, married to a woman, and have two children. We live in the U.S. in Minnesota.

I have struggled to accept myself and that I am attracted to guys. I love my wife and plan to stay with her for the rest of my life for my family, but I oftentimes feel depressed about my attractions to men.

So, that's me! I guess I'm really looking for resources to come out to myself. I'll be kicking and screaming doing it, but it's time.

Look forward to meeting some awesome people!

Thanks,

M

[Cridders88]

Welcome to the forum M, hopefully you find what you need here

So are you bi or gay? I'm gathering your wife doesn't know about your attraction to men? Accepting it yourself is a lot of the journey, I hope that you do and feel more at ease with it eventually. It's a journey we have all been though/are going through.

[Darius]

Hi M. This is way more difficult for you because you are committed to your wife, which is great.
Coming out to yourself does not mean you have to act on it.
You said you plan to stay married. What do you hope to come from this? Do you plan to eventually tell your wife? Do you hope to have a gay relationship on the side? Have you always had these feelings? I know it' personal to ask this, but are you sexually attracted to your wife? You might need to
answer all this to be fully honest with yourself.
Keep posting, this is not easy, I know.

[chiaroscuru]

Thanks a lot for replying to my posts, guys. It's much appreciated.

I did tell my wife about this before we started getting serious. We've been married for 12 years.

I really want to feel at peace with either being bi or just gay. I don't know what I am. I'm not exclusively homosexual.

I think I always knew I was different. I think I really understood what that meant at the beginning of college.

I'd like to have some friends that are gay and be able to talk to them. I have a lot of internalized homophobia - I'm ok with other people being gay, but am scared to death about other people knowing that I am attracted to men.

I feel like I am stuck in a way, and am grateful that there's a forum like this where I can talk and not have guys just hitting me up for sex like on Grindr.

Thanks again,

M

[Camfer]

Welcome [MENTION=24194]chiaroscuru[/MENTION] and thanks for your introduction. This should be a good place for you to express your feelings and get feedback and advice when requested. It's a good crew we've got on this ship.

[drobs]

Welcome. I graduated from a Baptist college in MN and could've easily been in your same position.

[oedipus0612]

You are younger than I am, but we both seem to have gone through the same type of thing. I tried for several years to stay in a 27+ year marriage with 2 kids. But I finally came out to myself and accepted that I was gay (having been in denial for all of that time). I know that you love your wife and kids -- I did too, but trying to live 2 separate lives and being torn apart is only going to make things harder.
In my case, I was "outed" by one of my gay "friends" that got pissed at me. That caused much more difficulty.