Farewell

[Jay]

I don't know if I should really go in depth but I'm severely depressed these days and I don't know why. But maybe it is because I've been cooped up in this house all weekend with nothing to do other than clean and a few other chores. But I constantly feel sad and that I'm going to end up alone because I'm going to screw up everything and every time I read a post about people trying to find dates or whatever I just sit here and think to myself how lonely I am and it just goes on to feeling unwanted, end I end up struggling to hold off from crying and crap. I just get to a point where I feel like my life has zero point to it. Before one of you guys gives me an 800 number to call no I'm not going to go try to kill myself, but I sometimes don't feel my life is ever going to pick up and go anywhere. I mean I know it's not a rational thing to think but god damn how much more time do I have to serve. I feel like I'm in prison. No one to talk to, nothing to do, no money, there's just nothing...just nothing. Then of course I come on here to kill time I guess and there's nothing but accusations on everything I said in some post...or I'm being trolled, or one of my friends are being trolled. I'm just tired and exhausted, tired of feeling like this. Tired of faking it, faking that I'm happy, or that everything is ok.

[MENTION=23180]InbetweenDreams[/MENTION]

When I had rough time few years ago, Rainbowmum and Daz accompanied me. I don't remember if I spoke to them on phone but we messaged each other constantly. I appreciate them very much.

So if you need a company to talk, talk to me.

I'm 33 and still single. Worse, I've never been into a relationship because I was too busy with losing weight, surgeries and fear of acceptance. I'm fine now but still single. I haven't completed my surgeries though. I'm in the waiting list (Don't call us, we will call you in a year to two, says my hospital). But it doesn't bother me anymore.

It bothers me a little bit knowing that I'm still single. But not too much because I keep myself busy with my work and few other things. But hey, I would be lying if I say that I don't crave someone to hold me and hug me and stuff. I think I can be a good boyfriend. But at the same time, I believe that I can roll on by myself because that's how I am.

You are not unwanted. If we live close to each other, I would drag you out for a date and force you to be my boyfriend.

We all have to go through rough time in our lives. I had depression in 2014 but thankfully bounced back. I had to go through a lot of emotional stuff.

Please know that you're not alone.

Jay

[deephiance]

Jay symbolises everything that is good in human nature. Jays strength of character in the face of adversity is second to none and I have admired him for many for many years.

I have never met anyone with the optimism, drive, passion, empathy and everything that is desirable in a person until I took the journey with Jay.

Jay, I want you to know I went through some rough times a couple of years ago and knowing how you transformed yourself inspired me to join a gym and change my diet after I gave up smoking, gained 30kg and had mental breakdown in Sept 2015. I have regained my mental health, lost 14kg and now weight about 76kg, still about 10kg to lose until I reach my goal weight and then by the time I turn 50, I will be ripped with lean muscle giving 25 year olds a run for their money.

Love you to bits Jay xxx

[Bookworm]

I'm just tired and exhausted, tired of feeling like this. Tired of faking it, faking that I'm happy, or that everything is ok.

I'm sorry that your feeling this way. I know from experience that it takes a lot of effort to pretend that everything is rosy in life when you clearly don't feel that way inside. Keeping up the appearance is draining.

I've only recently returned to the forum myself after quite a long break so I don't know you very well, but from what I've seen you are clearly someone who takes an active interest in others and are highly thought of by many here so it would be a shame to see you leave, but I understand the need sometimes to step back and take a breather. I do it myself all the time.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well and hope that things pick up for you soon.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well thanks guys. I was really really down last night and yeah it is easy to make rash choices and jump to conclusions and assume things. I kind of think there ought to be like a lock account for 7 days or something like that. I have really got into the habit of coming here, for various reasons but I am very much one who has a wondering mind and usually I internalize things being my fault.

I kind of rather no leave but I don't know if staying is also a good idea either. So not sure, I guess I have the rest of the week to think about it before I let the account get deleted...

[LJay]

Stick around, guy. Take a break if you need to, but there is no reason to just leave. As you can see from above, there are some great guys here who wouldn't mind at all if you stayed. Being down at times is part of the way it works for all off us. Do what is best for you, but consider your fan club, too. You have helped a lot of folks here.

[Darius]

Axle, if the amount of time you spend here is a part of the problem, why not limit yourself to certain hours? Such as hours you know you can interact with other guys you like here. Then log off and get out, walk, exercise, read, jack off, etc.
I doubt there are many who visit these kinds of sites who don't get attacked for the opinions they express, at least from time to time. Some are trolls who get off on being disagreeable. Others just hold a viewpoint different than your own and can get nasty in expressing them. Either way, it comes with the online life.
I hope you hang in there.

[Jay]

Apology for hijacking this thread.

Jay symbolises everything that is good in human nature. Jays strength of character in the face of adversity is second to none and I have admired him for many for many years.

I have never met anyone with the optimism, drive, passion, empathy and everything that is desirable in a person until I took the journey with Jay.

Jay, I want you to know I went through some rough times a couple of years ago and knowing how you transformed yourself inspired me to join a gym and change my diet after I gave up smoking, gained 30kg and had mental breakdown in Sept 2015. I have regained my mental health, lost 14kg and now weight about 76kg, still about 10kg to lose until I reach my goal weight and then by the time I turn 50, I will be ripped with lean muscle giving 25 year olds a run for their money.

Love you to bits Jay xxx

Daz. You're giving me too much credit and kind words. I appreciate them very much but at the same time, I don't think I deserve them that much.

Your health transformation and also bouncing back from mental breakdown are due to your own strength, will power and determination.

I'm sorry that I wasn't around you when you had your mental breakdown as I was struggling with mine myself. It took me a year to recover myself. My heart was broken by a guy, my dad was diagnosed with tumor and I lost my job (at the time). Everything happened at the same time so I kind of lost it. Hence why I deleted my FB etc. I needed to rediscover myself.

I'm not sure if I told you before but I'm very happy and proud to have you as my friend. I appreciate that you have supported me throughout the years. I'm also happy to know that you've successfully transformed yourself, quit smoking and bounced back from mental breakdown. I'm very proud of you. I would give you a big hug if I'm there with you.

You still have my number, right? If not, I will give it to you. I fried my Iphone when I competed in a marathon last year. Sweat got into my Iphone. The number is still the same. Anything, just text me or whatsapp me.

Again, I'm very happy and proud to have you as a my friend.

I love you too, Daz.

Jay

[InbetweenDreams]

Well here's how a typical day goes, and today is not typical because they closed over the snow we suppoedly got... Wellwith all due respect other places did actually get some snow but not so much here. Anyway, I often have a lot of down time at work. I kind of hate it, I like to busy a bit busy, not up to my eyes on shit to do but I need to be doing something.... This does help fill the gap... same when at home... So there's not much time I'm not looking at a screen. For the most part if I'm not on here, I'm sleeping, actually busy, or if it's on a weekend I might have been kidnapped but most likely actually having a real human interaction...

So I literally get involved in just about every thread on here if it interests me and a lot do and some don't. It's not that I don't have hobbies but most of mine require to be daylight and or outdoors and not freezing outside. I can tolerate cold to a point but when it's windy and cold I can't do it. Most of my friends are not the outdoorsy type, or at least I haven't been successful yet.

So this has for the most part been a good way to cope with things and to fend off boredom....

So I guess I will see how this week goes. I kind of unintentionally got addicted to the site. The last time I was really active on a forum was way back when I was in high school and although the site is still around virtually no traffic now. Was kind of a spin off of a forum site for WinMX (P2P - peer to peer downloading app from 2001-2004)... I was really active on that site until things got boring and slowly people stopped posting and the site just became less relevant.

[Aquarius]

Oh Axle, I wasn't even aware that this is you. Don't leave. At least don't delete your account. You can always take a break and just not come here, sure it might take some discipline, but then you can come back when you feel like it. I have had breaks of a few months earlier this year, without deleting my account, so you could do that too.

[InbetweenDreams]

I'm never good at keeping commitments when I get depressed... So I do think last night wasn't a good night to make any kind of choice...other than maybe to go to bed.