Sex is not an unimportant part of a relationship and it is a relationship you want, you said.
Because it is important, and not a casual hookup where sex is the goal, it deserves a pre-sex conversation. It shouldn't be a big deal and you shouldn't be panicking about it. If you are mature enough for sex, then you should be mature enough to talk about it.
You like him a lot, so offer him your friendship, your time, your care and stop worrying about the sexual part. Since you are dating, he knows sex is likely to be part of the equation, If he is interested in you, he probably wants it as much as you do. He'll either tell you he wants to go slowly and wait awhile or he will whip out his dick. You have to be in agreement.
I think the biggest fear for most people is getting kicked in the curb or getting thrown into "the friend zone" and it does suck when that happens, but it only gets worse when people don't want to talk about it. That and I think that when someone is interested in dating and say you aren't no one wants to be the one to say hey, you're a nice guy but I'm not sexually attracted to you, or I'm not looking for that...everyone wants to dance around the issues and just simply say what we really want to say. I mean I feel like I'm both straight forward and also a bit long winded, but I don't think it is a bad thing.
If there's anything I have learned in my experiences. If they really like you, they will put forth effort. If they aren't attracted to you physically, they probably won't call you handsome or tell you that you're sexy (unless they're liars and there are a lot of guys who will play along and pretend, but I think that stuff is a lot like fake smiles you can kind of tell). It is, at least for myself, to just kid myself into thinking that maybe... *bangs head into keyboard*
As far as sex goes, yes it is important but not the main focus... I think guys who just assume you just want to fuck them because you bring up sex probably aren't worth your time, unless you want to wait for them to grow up. I mean I knew someone who I felt would feel that way I were to bring that up... So yeah definitely need to feel comfortable...
But that's almost never the way things are, stigmas, stereotypes, expectations, their needs, your needs, your space, their space... That's why it is almost impossible to find someone we really like and is reciprocated back... What is it that everyone is afraid of, why am I afraid of being rejected? Human nature?
Anyway, I think sometimes it would be better if people were less serious...including myself and other people I have encountered.
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If he wants to fuck everyday like rabbits or only once a month Im fine with it, What I want the most is companionship, sex is a distant second for me. Im gonna call him this afternoon and see if he will take a walk with me tonight to talk about it, Im going to say everything Ive said here.
It is your relationship and his. So only you and he can tell when it's time to do what.
If it was my relationship/affair, having oral the same day I meet the guy isn't too soon. And eventually I'd want anal sex. I can wait a while -- not in a rush with it -- but I wouldn't understand why not have anal sex when we're both guys and attracted to each other.
I think any relationship needs a healthy sexual exchange on a regular basis. Other than that, there's no clock ticking away that counts the time till you definitely have to do one thing or another or else it's over.
Doc Wrote:... I don't want him thinking that I'm a whore, who gives it up to everyone.
:eek:
Seriously, though, you're over-thinking this. I get it, you don't want to turn this into a 'sex only' thing. But that has nothing to do with how long you've been dating and everything to do with how you see and experience one another. Do you only objectify one another as sexual objects, or is there a genuine interest in getting to know one another as men? If the former, then there's nothing wrong with that so long as you're both on the same page. Same with the latter. I just don't see how sex gets in the way of two people getting to know one another. Or, to put it another way, if you lose interest in each other, it won't be just because you had sex (of whatever flavor).
It is equally possible to do just the OPPOSITE, you know. Become such good friends you end up putting each other in the "friend zone." You know, that place that is all warm and fuzzy but without heat and fire. I don't think that's what you're after either, is it? I doubt he is either!
Have fun, be happy, get to know one another. It'll become clear whether there is genuine attraction and interest between you soon enough.
But as others have said, whatever you do, COMMUNICATE. Speak your truth. Don't make him have to 'wonder' what's going on in you. Tell him. And listen to him when he replies in kind. What does *he* want?
Depends on the guy, why not ask him what he wants.?
As for hands and mouths only, that's actually fairly common. A.lot of people don't like penetrative sex, plus preparing for anal sex can be a real pain in the arse sometimes.
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