04-27-2017, 10:25 PM
Hello, everyone. I'm new and need some advice.
I'm a 50 yr old professor with 3 kids (full time).
My partner "R" and I have been dating for 7 months. He came to stay in our house within a week of our first date (since I live in the country and he lived in NYC). He never left. We have lived together ever since.
At first he told me he had a job and apartment in NYC, but he'd never show me. To this day, I've never met a friend of his - to the point that I joke he might be a hallucination. My kids really like him, and I enjoy his company.
After a couple months, I figured out he had lied about his job and apartment. He eventually admitted to many lies. He told me: his parents died last summer, that he had contracted HIV, etc. the only truth was the HIV. When diagnosed, he drank himself out of a good job, thus losing his apartment and insurance.
We've only had sex 4 times in 7 months - which I find very frustrating. He sleeps in the guest room. He says it is because of the untreated HIV - that he loves me and doesn't want to risk me contracting it, even though I am on Prep and always require condoms. He also says he's asexual, though he has admitted cheating on me twice before he gave up alcohol two months ago (which he has).
He is working on a Real Estate license (which I have paid for) and I support him for everything.
On Monday I will finally meet his parents. Also, we have been in couples' counseling since he gave up alcohol - a bad drunken event 2 months ago when he got drunk, cruel, cheated, and stole from me. I took him back when he promised to give up drinking and that we go to counseling.
I fell in love with him despite all of that, excusing much of it because of the HIV diagnosis. Yet, without alcohol he seems to have no emotions. He says he loves me, but there is absolutely no affection from him and I am tired of being constantly rejected. We talk about it, but he doesn't really say anything. I fear that he's just using me, but he is great with the kids, is good company, and is nervous about introducing me to his parents. The few times we've had sex, he seemed resentful. I'm fit and handsome (I'm told), but it does mess with my self-confidence to be constantly rejected. My main issue is, how can he say he loves me and not care that I'm hurt and frustrated?
Now that I'm 50, will I never have sex again if I want to keep his companionship? I've tried open relationship before and it resulted in divorce. I'm not able to detach sex from emotions. So, I'm caught in a catch 22. I'm getting some flack from the university that we are living together unmarried- yet, I'm afraid to marry him when the sex life is non-existent and he doesn't seem able to be emotionally intimate. The university found out because I asked about getting him on my insurance for the HIV.
He swears I'm not a sugar daddy, but I feel like one.
Advice?
Many thanks,
The chronically nice professor
I'm a 50 yr old professor with 3 kids (full time).
My partner "R" and I have been dating for 7 months. He came to stay in our house within a week of our first date (since I live in the country and he lived in NYC). He never left. We have lived together ever since.
At first he told me he had a job and apartment in NYC, but he'd never show me. To this day, I've never met a friend of his - to the point that I joke he might be a hallucination. My kids really like him, and I enjoy his company.
After a couple months, I figured out he had lied about his job and apartment. He eventually admitted to many lies. He told me: his parents died last summer, that he had contracted HIV, etc. the only truth was the HIV. When diagnosed, he drank himself out of a good job, thus losing his apartment and insurance.
We've only had sex 4 times in 7 months - which I find very frustrating. He sleeps in the guest room. He says it is because of the untreated HIV - that he loves me and doesn't want to risk me contracting it, even though I am on Prep and always require condoms. He also says he's asexual, though he has admitted cheating on me twice before he gave up alcohol two months ago (which he has).
He is working on a Real Estate license (which I have paid for) and I support him for everything.
On Monday I will finally meet his parents. Also, we have been in couples' counseling since he gave up alcohol - a bad drunken event 2 months ago when he got drunk, cruel, cheated, and stole from me. I took him back when he promised to give up drinking and that we go to counseling.
I fell in love with him despite all of that, excusing much of it because of the HIV diagnosis. Yet, without alcohol he seems to have no emotions. He says he loves me, but there is absolutely no affection from him and I am tired of being constantly rejected. We talk about it, but he doesn't really say anything. I fear that he's just using me, but he is great with the kids, is good company, and is nervous about introducing me to his parents. The few times we've had sex, he seemed resentful. I'm fit and handsome (I'm told), but it does mess with my self-confidence to be constantly rejected. My main issue is, how can he say he loves me and not care that I'm hurt and frustrated?
Now that I'm 50, will I never have sex again if I want to keep his companionship? I've tried open relationship before and it resulted in divorce. I'm not able to detach sex from emotions. So, I'm caught in a catch 22. I'm getting some flack from the university that we are living together unmarried- yet, I'm afraid to marry him when the sex life is non-existent and he doesn't seem able to be emotionally intimate. The university found out because I asked about getting him on my insurance for the HIV.
He swears I'm not a sugar daddy, but I feel like one.
Advice?
Many thanks,
The chronically nice professor
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