My boyfriend's porn habit

[Easygoing]

A few months ago I found out that my boyfriend was using a tumblr account to look at porn. I told him that it made me feel inadequate and wonder if I wasn't enough for him, sexually. I also told him that it worries me, because it could lead to desiring something that isn't me. He told me he completely understood and deleted the tumblr. However, he doesn't know that I know the URL to his page, and I sometimes check it and notice that the number of porn blogs he's following has always increased. We recently got into a terrible argument. It was so bad that he stayed home from work to "decompress". I discovered that while I was at work, on the verge of an emotional breakdown, he was at home adding to his porn collection. It bothers me more that I told him how it made me feel, and he continues to do it. Should I address this issue? Or, do I let him have this one?

[Dan1980]

You must address the issue. A relationship won't work if you don't talk. He may have an addiction to porn such as some one has a addiction to drugs and alcohol.

[Darius]

A lot of people think that once you are in a relationship and having regular sex that porn usage stops.
If someone is addicted to it, the need will continue. Studies have shown that porn is a form of super-stimulation, the kind of stimulation you don't get from one-on-one sex.
How is your sex life, is it suffering because of it? Is there any insecurity on your part? Do you feel you need to control him? There are many questions you need to ask yourself and each other in honest conversation. Would he or both of you be willing to talk to a professional?

[Easygoing]

A lot of people think that once you are in a relationship and having regular sex that porn usage stops.
If someone is addicted to it, the need will continue. Studies have shown that porn is a form of super-stimulation, the kind of stimulation you don't get from one-on-one sex.
How is your sex life, is it suffering because of it? Is there any insecurity on your part? Do you feel you need to control him? There are many questions you need to ask yourself and each other in honest conversation. Would he or both of you be willing to talk to a professional?

Thanks for the response. I can answer some of those questions. Our sex life is great, and I don't believe is lacking anything. Although, it makes me feel that maybe it is, if he's having to go beyond me for simulation. There is some insecurity on my part CAUSED BY his looking at porn. I constantly compare myself to the guys I see on his tumblr. I don't feel any need to control him. Which is why I haven't said anything more to him about it. We are both very respectful of each other's freedom. I would be willing to talk to a professional. I am not sure that it is an addiction or just like..a curiosity. I guess what worries me most is that before me, he has always been in open relationships, so it makes me wonder if only being with me is not enough for him (even though he says it is)

[MHJG]

If my boyfriend loves to watch porn, I will let him watch because it's his freedom. If I find out he has sexting or sexcam with others, i will leave him. I know some people think that masturbating with someone on cam is like watching porn. To me, it's cheating already.

Go to talk to him. If it doesn't work out, he is not your Mr. Right. Personally speaking, I don't like people who keen on porn and spend much time on that. I definitely won't consider them to be a boyfriend.

[Darius]

I agree with MHJG. Sexting and sexcam are different than porn. You are acting out sexually with another living person, not just an image on the screen. Even if it never lead to real contact, it's not porn.

[matty7]

i get that you have a relationship but is him viewing porn effecting your relationship apart from what you perceive - if hes a normal adult male then hes spent a big part of his life seeing porn online but now because you decided he now has to never do it again ? drop the jealousy and just talk without the ultimatums

[LJay]

OP, I have a feeling you may be saying more about your feelings of possible inadequacy than his porn viewing. Being in a relationship does not mean that a person must stop looking at movies or pictures...of anything. Instead of pitching a fit, try watching with him. A little tolerance can take you long way down the path to becoming closer. Drawing lines in the sand will not help.