Would You Date A Guy Who Has A Kid?

[Pyromancer]

And before you say, "Of course I would. I love kids" let me tell you about my date last night. First, let me say that dating is not a priority for me...I'm still processing a truckload of shit , and the last thing I want is a rebound. But this guy has been persistent, to say the least. Yesterday, he suggested bringing over some take out and then just hanging out for a bit...an early night because it's the middle of the work week. He was fully aware that I have a child, he'd even met her.

So he shows up at 6pm with Chinese food...I was getting the baby settled in her highchair and picking out some noodles and chicken for her and he says, "Oh. She's going to eat with us?" He pretty much ignored anything she said and talked over her. Finally, she looked at him and said, "My turn now. You wait." He was not amused. I'd told him in advance that I'd need to get her settled for the night before we could hang out...the bedtime ritual took about 20 minutes, and he was obviously put out. It was a nice night, so we went to sit out on the front porch...he commented on the baby monitor, "Do you drag that thing everywhere?"

So he was giving me the much-overused line about how attracted to me he is, how hot I am, BlahBlahBlah but my daughter woke up fussing,,,she's still teething...I got her and brought her out to the porch to rock for a bit...and he said that it seemed like I was busy so he should go. Trust me, I did not beg him to stay.

I guess someone who doesn't have a child or has no experience with kids just doesn't get it. My daughter is 18 months old and utterly dependent on me...and she absolutely comes first with me. She's a huge part of my life. We're a package deal. I mean, I have a life...I work, have friends, go out, go to the gym, do whatever...but if she needs me, everything and everyone else is secondary.

I have no idea if I'll ever find a guy who gets it. My husband really wanted a kid...until he got one. Actually, there was one guy who understood....but we had too many other issues. So IDK...sometimes I feel lonely...but she brings so much happiness into my life, it's totally worth whatever compromises I have to make..

[Darius]

Since I grew up in a big family, we were surrounded by children and babies all the time. I've babysat alot for aunts and uncles, cousins and now nieces and nephews.
I never once assume I would not have children. A guy who does not want children would be a deal breaker for me. I just wouldn't let myself get serious about someone who didn't want kids.
My bf and I have talked about this and he feels the same as I. We will adopt when the time is right. Neither of us feels the need to have biological children.
Pyro, this guy is someone you should cross off your list of date worthy. He will won't change, most likely.

[sillyboy86]

I would, as I understand it's a big thing in the life o my hypotetical partner. I also know that I can deal with a baby/kid/toddler, even if I still never experienced being a parent, of course, but I understand they need time and care etc, and I'm quite sure I can provide some kind of it, especially if I'm not alone.

So, what I think is, yeah maybe the guy wasn't interested in having the kid around you, or maybe he was just a uncomfortable cause he's completely unable to deal with a kid, while understanding is such an important commitment. Maybe in his head he was like "I know it's a big task, so I don't want to ditsturb you with my ineptitude in this 'field'." Especially cause he seems into you.
If you think you could share the same interest in him, maybe next time you can try to involve him in doing something (even very small) for your kid, like can you please watch her for 5 minutes while I prepare her bed, her or dinner or something, -while I talk to you-?, Can you help me a bit while waiting for me?
In a similar situation, in his case, I would have feel like the 'third wheel'.
I'm not criticizing your behavior, just suggesting a possibility.

[Matt608]

Your daughter sounds like quite the young lady - *My turn now. You wait* - I love it! I imagine that life with her is never dull.

And yes, I would date someone with a child, it would give me an excuse to do all the fun kid stuff that I'm too "adult" for lol. But seriously, I get what a huge commitment it is, and I respect that. If some guy you date resents the time and attention you give her, he isn't worth it.

[Cuddly]

If telling him what you just told us doesn't make him see, then he's toast.
However, I think you should leave some room and opportunity for would-be partners to become used to the whole package. It's (probably) new for them too.

[TigerLover]

Nope not in this decade. I'm just not ready to interact with kids like that.

From the sounds of it neither was this guy.

How old was he?

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=21957]Darius[/MENTION] - Oh, he's off the list all right...as he was leaving, my daughter made a little shooing gesture with her hand and said, "All gone!" ...lol that about sums it up.

[MENTION=17709]sillyboy86[/MENTION] [MENTION=20359]Cuddly[/MENTION] - I know that it's a huge deal and I don't expect guys to bond with her instantly...I do expect at least a modicum of courtesy, however...ignoring her, talking over her and showing visible annoyance at her presence doesn't cut it for me...he knew she would be there, I made it clear in advance that I'd need to attend to her...he was nicer to my dogs! If we'd been going out I would have gotten a babysitter, but he was coming to my house. If a guy said to me that he doesn't know anything about kids and feels awkward around them, I'd understand that and give him plenty of time and space.... But don't say, "Oh, no problem, it's cool" and then treat her like she's an annoying mosquito.

[MENTION=22948]TigerLover[/MENTION]- he's 30. And I appreciate your honesty...if more people said what theyt really feel, we'd all be a lot better off.

[meridannight]

Yeah, it would definitely depend on the age of the kid, and how much I liked the guy. I am not drawn to kids like most people, and don't want them myself. So, I would definitely have some issues with this. But if I really liked the man, I would be willing to try.
[MENTION=24520]Pyromancer[/MENTION] -- what happened to the guy you were in a relationship with before? You left GS once (you said something about your man not liking you using this site, if I remember correct). What happened to him?

[LJay]

[MENTION=24520]Pyromancer[/MENTION], to answer your question, at this stage of my life I would be glad to see someone who had children but it is not likely that it will happen. I am fortunate to get glimpses of the 4 and 5 year olds next door, though. They are a constant delight.

You are completely right to kick that fellow to the curb.

I must say that you have your priorities well placed. AYour daughter needs you. Anyone who would put his needs in front of that is in the wrong place.

I do hope that little girl continues to be so wise. ["All gone."] Kids have amazingly accurate intuitions. May your joys increase.

[Pyromancer]

Yeah, it would definitely depend on the age of the kid, and how much I liked the guy. I am not drawn to kids like most people, and don't want them myself. So, I would definitely have some issues with this. But if I really liked the man, I would be willing to try.

[MENTION=24520]Pyromancer[/MENTION] -- what happened to the guy you were in a relationship with before? You left GS once (you said something about your man not liking you using this site, if I remember correct). What happened to him?

You're talking about my husband...him not wanting me on this site was another red flag that I shouldn't have ignored, he was trying to isolate me. He wanted a child badly...until he got one...then, he resented the time and attention I gave her. He became emotionally and then physically abusive and we separated. I was awarded full physical custody of our daughter...he was granted supervised visitation, but fucked it up royally, so now has no access to her. The court ordered him to do certain things before he can reapply for visitation, but he hasn't bothered. So my daughter and I are currently living a peaceful life and things are much better...it got pretty bad at times, but it was all worth it because it gave me my daughter.

BTW, you have a good memory, that was around 2 years ago when I left!