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How to accept?
I have known for years that I am gay, but I haven't come to terms with it yet. (idk why).

What have you guys done to help accept the fact that you are gay?

Biggest thing was time for me, it just took time to accept it. The first step on that long road was realizing that no matter what, I could only get off to guys. Having a strong community around you will also help, my friends definitely helped because they truly don't care about my orientation, only my happiness.

It might be helpful if we knew more about why you can't just accept it. What's so problematic about being a homosexual to you?

I've known I was a "cock sucking faggot" (their words) since I was a boy. Yeah, sure, I was shamed by idiots, told it was "wrong," I'd probably go to hell and a lot of other bullshit. I could never understand what the big deal was. So guys like to get together and get each other off. Like, so?? Why would anyone (and certainly anything that would qualify as a 'god') CARE what I/we do with our dicks, or any other part of our anatomy? Like, there aren't more important things to worry about? Seriously?

Confuzzled4 Wrote:...The first step on that long road was realizing that no matter what, I could only get off to guys...

I'll try to internalize that (for myself), thanks.

MikeW Wrote:It might be helpful if we knew more about why you can't just accept it. What's so problematic about being a homosexual to you?

I don't think it's about gay being a problem, I think part of the issue is that (IRL), I'm still in the closet, I'm not ready (IRL) to come out yet. (I'm still hiding it)

I've been into men my entire life, and never had any issue accepting this part of myself (unlike my father).

I make a conscious choice to be a good person, and to accept myself for who I am. This includes my preferences (sexual and otherwise). I don't live to impress others, or live up to other's expectations. If they don't like me as I am? Too bad.

When I realized I was gay I didn't have self acceptance issues. I did have major other people acceptance which made me scared, angry, sad, ect and that kept me in the closet for a few years to the outside world.

Those others not accepting me for me was problematic, it made me loath the idea that I couldn't be "normal", but then I came to the point where I just didn't care if I was normal or not - and that influenced a lot of other things about me, such as not hiding my autism, not acting in certain ways that people would expect from my being -------------. Fill in the blank, I rarely fail to meet the expectations that people would have for many aspects of myself.

The idea that I have to act and behave and let some aspect of myself rule and dominate my life to the exclusion of other things was a "setting free" moment.

Yes I'm gay, but that is just one facet of who I am. I am an archer, a carpenter, a camper, a back backer, a drywall hanger, a gardener, an elf, a teacher, a student a... a... a.... a.....

I'm also high functioning autistic - diagnosed now; and I don't have to act Autistic nor do I have to act "normal'.

I be me.
... I also am a sufferer from CPTSD, and depression and other mental and emotional health stuff... But I don't have to be these things all the time, I don't have to act like I'm these things and I don't have to act that I am not these things.

You are more than just a gay male. Yes you are capable of enjoying the company of other men in ways that 90% +/- of the male population can't. But that is not who and what you are to the exclusion of all the other things you do, things and people you know, you like, you are....

Gay is a label... And bi and whatever else you can think of.

Your sexuality doesn't have to define you all the time. It only matters when you are dating a fella, loving your man, and expression of that love. Even then its not a definition of you as a person.

You don't have to wear a pink triangle and be subjugated or ruled by that one aspect.

Straight people don't have to be ruled by their being straight. They don't have to defend it, act a certain way or tell everyone "Hey, you know I'm straight...." There is no coming out issue, they don't have to hide it, or pretend to be something other than who they are which is more than their sexuality.

If they don't, then you don't.

Be you ! - the full and complete person... your hobbies, your job, your likes and dislikes all play a role in who you are. Gay is only one facet... its not a full time aspect that hangs over everything you do.

Do you get my point?

why come to to terms with it - its who you are , i guess if you reverse the question , its what others think of you thats the scariest thing and will they come to terms with that your gay and thats the worrying problem - telling your first person is so relieving and liberating , if you have not told anyone then think about it - you dont have to tell the world ,,,one person can make you so happy

To pick up on what [MENTION=18997]matty7[/MENTION] has to say, pick a person who doesn't know you to tell first, someone who has no expectations of your sexual orientation. They will probably say it's fine... And then it does become easier to tell other people until you're comfortable enough to tell those people who really matter to you, friends, co-workers and family. It gets easier when you've got a steady romantic pursuit.

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