out or not? o_0
08-20-2009, 03:24 PM
hello... i came here to practice my english, so I'll try to tell you about my coming out.
The hardest thing is to clarify... when was it?
So, i think that's bad beginning. Let me give some introduction.
I live in Russia. We re democratic country, but, still since gays were behind the law in Soviet Union, it's hard to be gay here.
My first sex was when i was about 14 years old.. with my friend. We were together (we were 14, we were not couple, of course, can you imaging relations in that age? just friends and had sex sometimes) for about a year. After that we split up (i don't remember why, just stopped communicating, met only once after that, sex was interrupted and i haven't seen him after). I fell in love with my best friend a bit latter. He was straight, and had a very hard temper. He made me nervous all the time. He was straight - so we masturbated each other sometimes but nothing more - he had a girlfriend (she was my very close friend like he) and there was nothing more then just such act of friendship. Strange, of course, but... i was about 15-16 years old =) a bit latter i moved to another city, that was big and had good university. Time to study, damnit...
It was hard for me - no friends, huge amount of new people, long time without sex and no wish to find partners or gay-friends using the internet (hey, i'm from a little city, i was afraid of gay clubs and such stuff and i didn't want to have deal with freaks who usually are members of meeting sites).
There was my first coming out - to my school friend (she was girl, in english friend is unisex and girlfriend has too private meaning - i have to mention that). She thought i was joking, i had to return to the country to make conversation face to face for her to believe. Was it coming out? not that much sure - that changed nothing in my life.
A bit later i made a very big mistake - fell in love with my group mate... and made him my friend. Damn, that was REALLY bad mistake.
First - he was straight. Second - he was TOO fucking tolerant. Third - i've spent too much of my time helping him and too much money. Before i've told him i was gay we kissed, made massage each other, had very good petting... and damn this is STRAIGHT guy. For more then two years i was in confusion, i knew exactly he was straight - but his behavior...
i've came out a lot of times then - to my closest friend from the big city. It was easy... but changed nothing. Added some private jokes, stupid advices, targeted to help, and lot's of compassion i didn't need.
I told him i was gay, everything was ok... before the moment when he kissed me by himself being drunk and then made me an argue that "he is fucking too much tolerant and he don't want to have a gay friends". I was more then depressed. I had a crisis. I spent to much emotions trying to be only friend and stop thinking of anything else and i didn't succeed. That was shit. I phoned my elder sister to speak with her in panic, went to my close friend and get drunk.
The next day i tried to cancel my meeting with sister, but she insisted on meeting. I didn't want to come out, but i was still fucking nervous and occasionally told her why i had a row with my friend... she reacted perfectly.
She knows about me but mentions it rarely, and doesn't discuss it, i'm very thankful for this.
Maybe that was "coming out"... but still, nothing has changed that much in my life.
There are lot's of things to tell, but i'm to lazy to write =) i think that i've described all the biggest coming outs in my experience
P.S. and i still like to talk to someone using skype, i need to speak English to practice =)
The hardest thing is to clarify... when was it?
So, i think that's bad beginning. Let me give some introduction.
I live in Russia. We re democratic country, but, still since gays were behind the law in Soviet Union, it's hard to be gay here.
My first sex was when i was about 14 years old.. with my friend. We were together (we were 14, we were not couple, of course, can you imaging relations in that age? just friends and had sex sometimes) for about a year. After that we split up (i don't remember why, just stopped communicating, met only once after that, sex was interrupted and i haven't seen him after). I fell in love with my best friend a bit latter. He was straight, and had a very hard temper. He made me nervous all the time. He was straight - so we masturbated each other sometimes but nothing more - he had a girlfriend (she was my very close friend like he) and there was nothing more then just such act of friendship. Strange, of course, but... i was about 15-16 years old =) a bit latter i moved to another city, that was big and had good university. Time to study, damnit...
It was hard for me - no friends, huge amount of new people, long time without sex and no wish to find partners or gay-friends using the internet (hey, i'm from a little city, i was afraid of gay clubs and such stuff and i didn't want to have deal with freaks who usually are members of meeting sites).
There was my first coming out - to my school friend (she was girl, in english friend is unisex and girlfriend has too private meaning - i have to mention that). She thought i was joking, i had to return to the country to make conversation face to face for her to believe. Was it coming out? not that much sure - that changed nothing in my life.
A bit later i made a very big mistake - fell in love with my group mate... and made him my friend. Damn, that was REALLY bad mistake.
First - he was straight. Second - he was TOO fucking tolerant. Third - i've spent too much of my time helping him and too much money. Before i've told him i was gay we kissed, made massage each other, had very good petting... and damn this is STRAIGHT guy. For more then two years i was in confusion, i knew exactly he was straight - but his behavior...
i've came out a lot of times then - to my closest friend from the big city. It was easy... but changed nothing. Added some private jokes, stupid advices, targeted to help, and lot's of compassion i didn't need.
I told him i was gay, everything was ok... before the moment when he kissed me by himself being drunk and then made me an argue that "he is fucking too much tolerant and he don't want to have a gay friends". I was more then depressed. I had a crisis. I spent to much emotions trying to be only friend and stop thinking of anything else and i didn't succeed. That was shit. I phoned my elder sister to speak with her in panic, went to my close friend and get drunk.
The next day i tried to cancel my meeting with sister, but she insisted on meeting. I didn't want to come out, but i was still fucking nervous and occasionally told her why i had a row with my friend... she reacted perfectly.
She knows about me but mentions it rarely, and doesn't discuss it, i'm very thankful for this.
Maybe that was "coming out"... but still, nothing has changed that much in my life.
There are lot's of things to tell, but i'm to lazy to write =) i think that i've described all the biggest coming outs in my experience
P.S. and i still like to talk to someone using skype, i need to speak English to practice =)
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
needspeak I just came out about 1 year ago. If you like I am an older gay but love to chat on Skype. feel free to contact me an Skype, I'm (ray.holt2) just use yar in your request . welcome to GS, a great forum.