feeling down

[Anonymous]

I was feeling depressed today so I went cruising and had full sex with a stranger but did use a condom.

The reason I am doing this sort of thing is that I tend to keep things bottled up and I need some sort of release.

I am gay but none of my friends or family know. I also have a form of cancer which I have a 60% chance of dying from in the next 10 years. I have also just discovered that I need a scan for testicular cancer which is unrelated to the other cancer. I have only told my sister of my cancer situation no-one else knows.

On Tuesday I have to go for the results of recent STI tests. More bad news maybe too much.

[Jake]

Having unprotected sex CERTAINLY won't help.

At the risk of sounding patronizing...

Don't be so daft!
40% percent chance of life is a good enough reason to still care about yourself.

And if you're so down, live everyday like it's the last...(just use condoms instead )

Try not to keep things bottle up, talk to your sister about how you feel.
Just talking to someone helps a LOT.

Trust me. 8)

[yar]

the past, is just that the past. I am a good example of the old saying " where ever their is life there is hope." over 30 years ago I was told that I only had 5 years to live. Remember the Dr. are called practicing Dr. none of them are perfect and wrong more than you will ever know. Never do any thing that may jeopardize your health. You have my very best wishes that you will have a long healthy,happy life.

[princealbertofb]

Having unprotected sex CERTAINLY won't help.

At the risk of sounding patronizing...

Don't be so daft!
40% percent chance of life is a good enough reason to still care about yourself.

And if you're so down, live everyday like it's the last...(just use condoms instead )

Try not to keep things bottle up, talk to your sister about how you feel.
Just talking to someone helps a LOT.

Trust me. 8)

Jake, your advice may be sound but we don't know who this person is, nor their age, nor why they keep things bottled up. I think it may not be so easy as you think to keep on going when life has just been a constant battle against yourself. I don't know how old this person is, but I think they are probably not young. Just a hunch. And while there may still be a good reason for trying to fight the disease, there might not be so much energy anymore... See what I mean? I may be wrong. I hope this person is not suffering more than is necessary, at this stage.
You are right though, about talking to someone. It DOES help. Even a helpline might be a safety valve. And also, you may not have read clearly, but this person DID use a condom. Says so in the post.

[marshlander]

Hi Anonymous,

Sorry to read about your situation. It sounds tough. What sort of support are you getting for your cancer? I don't just mean chemical or other intervention. Are you receiving any counselling or are you a member of a support group of any kind?

I don't see how anyone can judge you for cruising. Practically everyone is cruising for sex at some stage of their lives, whether they go to a cruising ground or cottage or simply to a pub or club hoping to get lucky. Meeting someone at a gay cruising ground is risky, as you know, but serves a purpose and the activity is generally between people mature enough to give informed consent. Besides, sex al fresco can be a lot of fun. When I used to do it regularly I found the most depressing thing was going back to another lonely man's invariably depressingly dismal house. It all subtracted further from my self-esteem. :frown: Other people seemed to cope without difficulty.

The problem with depression is it undermines one's sense of self-worth. It can be pretty bloody awful. :frown: I sincerely hope you find a happier path through this horrible period. Good luck with the STI tests. May they all be negative.

[matty7]

if your willing to try it there are help groups that are for similar people like yourself with cancer that can help you and talk through things that are personal to you and your situation - i had a relative who whent through all the emotions havin cancer from depression through to been positive - these groups and counsellors help u out of the dark place your in right now just by talking and not keeping it in - u probably know the Macmillan trust which helped my relative but if not here's a link Get Cancer Support - Macmillan Cancer Support

as for been gay, the sooner you tell someone if you can the sooner a burdon is suddenly lifted off your shoulders and thats speakin from my experience - as for talkin more about gay issues and chat to help then this is a great place and you've already taken that first step - hope u come through this ok mate

[Jake]

Jake, your advice may be sound but we don't know who this person is, nor their age, nor why they keep things bottled up. I think it may not be so easy as you think to keep on going when life has just been a constant battle against yourself. I don't know how old this person is, but I think they are probably not young. Just a hunch. And while there may still be a good reason for trying to fight the disease, there might not be so much energy anymore... See what I mean? I may be wrong. I hope this person is not suffering more than is necessary, at this stage.
You are right though, about talking to someone. It DOES help. Even a helpline might be a safety valve. .

Having been through a lot myself (and still going through for that matter), I think I can effectively empathise, even being so young myself.

The things i've been through meant I had to go from a 14 year old, to a 24 year old FAST.
I've been through many stages; denial, anger, sorrow, even a suicidal one.
I can tell you now, just telling a stranger how i felt give me the energy to wake up the next day.

I don't think the things I said are just as easily done as they are said.
But it's the spirit of not giving up and fighting what make you who you are, and help you live your life.

I have no clue what it is like having a time limit put on your life.
But if I could have even one more day with the people lost from my life,
I'd make sure they spent it living.
I'd make them seize the time they have, not have them think how little they think they have.

I am sorry you're going through this.
All this may seem patronizing coming from little more than a child.
But from the age of 4 i've had nothing but jynx on my life.
Looking back now the time i've spent dwelling on it seems like a loss.
When all i needed to do was have some conversation with some woman carrying some bags at some bus stop.

And also, you may not have read clearly, but this person DID use a condom. Says so in the post

I stand corrected.

[marshlander]

Very moving message, Jake

[cybermalemk]

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand what cancer is all about... believe me. But, I agree that even though you wore a condom (protected) there is a better way to deal with this.

Not everyone you speak to online is going to mock you, or end up being a timewaster. There are some genuinely friendly people out there that will lend an ear to listen to you, and (if you wish) befriend you. I for one would be glad to talk to you as I have been there, and still (in a way) am.

Take each day as it comes, and relax... theres no point bottling things up, as this will make you very ill. Good luck, Anon... and take things easy, eh?

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Hey Anon, Hope there is some way for you to try to find the positive in any and all things that come your way. I know that it is difficult but it really is the best way to deal.

I got so much crazy shit going on with my health the docs have just about given up in finding any answers so we just try to laugh it off. It does become exhausting to do so but it does usually work for me

Is there some reason you are keeping your cancer secret to most?

I think that others have brought up therapy or psychiatry... It really can help but can be troublesome finding a good person...

Hope those Tuesday results were all good news.

Sending you some healing energy [/COLOR]