Having sex with my husband's brother

[marshlander]

Very few things are completely straightforward. If your husband is 24 it's quite likely he hasn't gone off sex completely. How do you know he is not making his own arrangements while you are not meeting his needs? The thing is you don't. Extra-marital sex doesn't have to be a deal-breaker, but the agreement of both parties makes the whole thing a lot less complicated and reduces the guilt and shame. Guilt and shame are highly toxic and to avoid owning either we can sometimes cast around in search of a scapegoat and so the poison spreads.

If you had sex with his brother just the once are you sure you are not just in love with the fantasy brother you have constructed around this event? Those brain chemicals can mess us up quite a lot! You don't say whether or not you still love your husband. If you do still love him my feeling is that you should talk about the not having sex bit because, even if it hasn't been much of an issue up to this point, it is clearly more of an issue than you seem to have thought. If however, you no longer love your husband and you have given your heart to another man therein lies the betrayal. Again in my view, the sex is a symptom, not the whole of the relationship.

I've no idea what you should do, I'm just a bloke on a boat, but what I read in your initial post is that you may be looking for reasons to leave your husband. "It's not you, it's me" is a bit of a cliché, but you don't have to invent reasons by rubbing up against someone else. We all make mistakes, but you don't need to unravel his family if you feel there is any value left in your own relationship. Just a couple of further things to throw into the pot while I'm on clichés. Truth can be over-rated and the grass is rarely greener elsewhere.

Good luck in coming out of this with minimal fallout.

[andy]

To the OP - you've received some great advice from our members so far!

Your situation takes the phrase "keeping it in the family" to a whole new level!

It is always best to end the current chapter properly (if it cannot be saved) before moving on and starting a new one. I would agree that entering into a new relationship with the brother could end in disaster due to the amount of potential problems it would bring and you said yourself it would devastate your husband and fallout be terrible for the family. If your relationship is truly over - I would advise to make a clean break and fresh start with someone completely new to you that won't come with all the baggage.

[MusicFanLover]

If you love your husband so much you don't wanna ruin your relationship together but if ask for an open relationship maybe he'll be ok with it or keep it on the do between u and his brother good luck!!

[eastofeden]

The first thing that stands out to me is the term "love". I know that people often confuse "lust" for "love". It might even be the single biggest problem with many marriages and relationships that started out as lust and they confused it for love. 

Of course it might be true that someone loves to be in lust. Lust has a time limit though - kinda like when you run out of quarters or tokens for the meter

After the lust dies - one or both of the parties involved are very likely to begin the same cycle again if they haven't already learned that lesson. 

This sounds like the situation you are in as you mentioned the physical attraction with the brother. 

This is not a judgement - merely an observation. 

Pretty much any chapter or incident in your life is an opportunity to grow and/or learn something. What you do is up to you. 

One more thing you may want to consider - this kind of betrayal can have a very bad effect on your husband - and in the end on you as well as it will become part of who you are and you might not like what you see looking in the mirror.  How you handle it today can make a huge difference for all of the parties involved tomorrow. 

Good Luck!

[NutsForBalls]

I think you and your brother-in-law crossed a line when you had sex with each other. Your husband has been betrayed by two people that he should have been able to trust. Some people are simply off limits, including your spouse's family members and close friends.