Update on Finding Love

[Jay]

I'm not too sure where to post this so I hope this is the right place. I haven't been around in this forum for a while so my apology.

In the 'Re-Introduce Yourself' thread, I've updated everyone with my life excluding finding love. So well, let me share my little journey on finding one - so far.

Well when it comes to finding love - I don't have much luck in this area. Few guys have approached me but all of them are now married to ladies to cover up their sexuality due to religion (Islam) and culture. One guy from my gym asked me out but several days later, he was caught humping another guy in a shower (gym). I saw the video and can verify it was him. He left my gym. Another guy from my gym approached me. Nice guy but someone posted an old video of him masturbating in Twitter. He repented and now married. He has a child now. 

I have approached few guys as well. Two guys ghosted me after they checked my Instagram - I'm too quirky and not alpha. Also, I only have a small number of followers mostly consisting my close friends. The number of followers turned them off. I was like, what? lol 

Few weeks ago, I went out with a guy. Nice guy but a little strange. Before meeting him face to face, he told me that he is a cheapskate. I thought he was kidding. He asked if I could give my old oven and anything else that I no longer need to him as he just moved to a new apartment. He just moved to my country from UK. I don't mind giving but we haven't even seen each other yet at the time. We were just texting each other. 

I told him that I prefer to have lunch instead of coffee and volunteered to pay for the lunch. He said great. But he prefers to eat at a food stall. So we did. The first thing he asked during our lunch was what happened to my left leg? I wasn't offended but was surprised. I even made a video to talk about my left leg to my friends due to it. Sweet guy but not planning for a second meet up.


I'm taking a break from finding one right now. 

This was the video. I was rambling about the disability.

[InbetweenDreams]

@Jay Glad you're doing well in these crazy times. As far as the guys, sounds like these guys weren't worth your time. I suppose the guy who was put off by you having a lot of followers was worried about being brought out of the closet perhaps? Sad that so many people have to live their life in secret like that.

I don't get all this alpha male stuff, sounds like toxic masculinity to me. At any rate, I think given the quality of guys I think waiting until someone worth your time comes along. Good guys are out there I'm sure but they are hard to find.

I realize saying all this without understanding the shame that comes with certain religions... Me being, I guess agnostic with a Pagan interest and being an American it sounds crazy as hell from my perspective. *sigh* Religions ruins everything it seems.

[Jay]

@Jay Glad you're doing well in these crazy times. As far as the guys, sounds like these guys weren't worth your time. I suppose the guy who was put off by you having a lot of followers was worried about being brought out of the closet perhaps? Sad that so many people have to live their life in secret like that.

I don't get all this alpha male stuff, sounds like toxic masculinity to me. At any rate, I think given the quality of guys I think waiting until someone worth your time comes along. Good guys are out there I'm sure but they are hard to find.

I realize saying all this without understanding the shame that comes with certain religions... Me being, I guess agnostic with a Pagan interest and being an American it sounds crazy as hell from my perspective. *sigh* Religions ruins everything it seems.

Sorry for the late reply @InbetweenDreams 

Yeah, I do agree with you. They are not worth my time. 

I suppose the guy who was put off by you having a lot of followers was worried about being brought out of the closet perhaps? Sad that so many people have to live their life in secret like that.

Actually I think it's the opposite. I believe he doesn't think I have enough followers. Additionally, my social media content is not exciting and I do not fit with what he has in mind. I'm too quirky for him. 

But as for the guys at my gym trying to flirt with me - yes, fear of religion and culture. And toxic masculinity. I kind of understand with their fear with religion because I was raised as a Muslim but am now out and agnostic. It's a tough situation. 

I'm taking a break from this whole thing. I think it's best to focus on myself especially with the pandemic that we're having right now. The right guy will come and if not, eh. I think I'm fine with that.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well at any rate, screw him lol

It is perfectly fine to focus on yourself, but truly you never can really stop focusing on yourself. People say that people don't change and I don't think that is completely true. As far as finding a guy is concerned. I think the best advice I can think of is just go with the flow. I wouldn't go hardlining either direction, seeking a guy or avoiding relationships altogether. I do wish it were easier done than said.