How is finance managed by cohabiting couples?

[Anonymous]

Hi Friends,

I have a topic to discuss with you all.

How is finance being managed by cohabiting couples?

Usually one guy will be staying with the other partner. So the house ownership will be under one person. Will the house ownership be shared with the boyfriend after the boyfriend moves in to cohabit?

Will bills be split between the couples to be paid? Like Boyfriend A pays the water bill and grocery bill while Boyfriend B pays the electricity bill and gas bill. Is it something like that?

If the couple goes to the restaurant, will they normally split the bill between the two? (since both are guys)

I am a single gay guy and have never been in a relationship before. So, I am curious how finances is being managed within couples.

I am not a money-minded person. But if I ever be in a relationship in the future, I want to learn what are the boundaries I should have in terms of finances as a partner in a relationship.

Thank you.

[InbetweenDreams]

Generally speaking expenses are either shared or split. When it comes to ownership a lot of that is based on who has what. One guy might have an apartment, the other may live at home. So you do what makes sense, but ownership at first isn't something split. Like I have my car but I would add my partner to my insurance and let him drive it. When couples get married then property is shared. Not something to worry about in a healthy relationship.

[ChadCoxRox]

So many factors come to bare on how fiscal management plays out in relationships. For me the most compelling factors are earnings. If fairness is a major point, then an equal percentage of each person's earnings might be used to establish parameters. For example, I earn four times more than George and yet we contribute roughly "even" percentages of our earnings to our household and relationship. This is a matter to be established and managed together regardless of actual amounts and for what. I strongly encourage discretion and fairness. Any difficulties in communicating about fiscal matters can be reflective of the true intimacy of the relationship and it may depend on how much fiscal issues actually matter. I had a 21 year marriage where my spouse was 99% fiscally dependent. Despite my very long suffering with failing communications about money the reality was more complicated than simply who was at fault for what. We've been divorced a while now and they never even got somewhat self "sustaining" employment until after we separated. I should have left many years earlier. We were both surviving victims, codependent, and bickered over money all the time. I've not had an argument or major concerns about interpersonal fiscal matters for several years now and will NEVER return to such an arrangement.

[eastofeden]

I will be with my husband for 35 years in September.

Not once have we ever had "our own money". It just naturally took the road that both of our parents did - all the money is both of ours. We are a team and we have never done anything else and it has worked out perfectly. Everything we earn and own is both of ours.

For the record - we have never argued about money

[ChadCoxRox]

I will be with my husband for 35 years in September.

Not once have we ever had "our own money". It just naturally took the road that both of our parents did - all the money is both of ours. We are a team and we have never done anything else and it has worked out perfectly. Everything we earn and own is both of ours.

For the record - we have never argued about money

Wow! I wish this were not exceptional.

[InbetweenDreams]

I will be with my husband for 35 years in September.

Not once have we ever had "our own money". It just naturally took the road that both of our parents did - all the money is both of ours. We are a team and we have never done anything else and it has worked out perfectly. Everything we earn and own is both of ours.

For the record - we have never argued about money

I think that ultimately should be the way to do it. That's the way my sister and brother in-law do it and it works for them.

I don't think those in new relationships should jump straight to that of course. I think it takes some time, really getting to know your partner very well and know they are going to be trustworthy and have discipline. Money issues can burn down a relationship very quickly. I have heard that income disparity is an issue but I think it is more about the couple than anything else.

So the question I do have is at what point do you feel it is ok to take that approach in a new relationship? The way I currently look at things is that it should be incremental as you build trust with your partner.

Same thing goes with moving in with your partner. I was told by a friend "don't be like a lesbian and move in with him in a month." Of course I don't think one should rush into things like that. I think the money stuff and moving in stuff are kind of tied together (especially with the crazy rent these days).

[eastofeden]

I think that ultimately should be the way to do it. That's the way my sister and brother in-law do it and it works for them.

I don't think those in new relationships should jump straight to that of course. I think it takes some time, really getting to know your partner very well and know they are going to be trustworthy and have discipline. Money issues can burn down a relationship very quickly. I have heard that income disparity is an issue but I think it is more about the couple than anything else.

So the question I do have is at what point do you feel it is ok to take that approach in a new relationship? The way I currently look at things is that it should be incremental as you build trust with your partner.

Same thing goes with moving in with your partner. I was told by a friend "don't be like a lesbian and move in with him in a month." Of course I don't think one should rush into things like that. I think the money stuff and moving in stuff are kind of tied together (especially with the crazy rent these days).


It all happened organically for us - there was no discussion. We both fell in love instantly which had never happened to either of us and it is still that way all these years later. My parents and his parents both shared all the money so I guess that it was "normal" for both of us. Truthfully - I don't think I ever really thought about it or questioned it until I read this post. 

The thing I did do was trust my gut and instincts to an extreme - always have - my brain rarely got involved. I knew he was "the one" the second I met him. It was nothing I tried to do and it was natural for me to do that as well. The trust was immediate for both of us as well so it was never an issue which is odd because I had trust issues with most of the men I met which is why I gave you that advice in the other thread about the guy you are seeing.

[Cridders88]

We split everything equally. We have our own bank accounts, not a shared one, and if either of us pays for something for the both of us, the other will give half towards it. Just how it has always been, we didn't even discuss it.

Can't comment on house ownership as we bought the house together. I pay the majority of the bills out of my account and Toby gives me a set amount each month to cover his half.

[jimcrackcorn]

You can jointly own homes & cars,,, or not...  As long as you learn how to live together and get thru the bad times,, you will make it throughout the years.

My husband and I joined everything together..  Homes, cars, bank accounts,,, shoot,, we even slept in the same bed when we were mad at each other!!! 

I doesn't matter how you manage the assets, as long as you share them together..

Sin-cerely,
Jim