Am I lacking affection to my loved ones?

[Anonymous]

Hi All,

There is something that is bugging me.

I feel like I might be a selfish person.

I will explain:
When my loved ones (parents, sibling, grandparents etc.) fall ill, I will bring them to the clinic/hospital.

But I will feel slightly annoyed to do so. I will think in my mind "Oh man, I have to spend a few hours of my precious time in the clinic/hospital now. I can't get to watch TV/ play games etc."

I feel that it is my responsibility to take care of them and I still choose to bring them to the clinic/hospital (though not willingly). When we are waiting in the hospital, I will keep looking at my watch and keep thinking "Oh no, time is running. 2 hours is gone. Oh no, time is running. 3 hours is gone. I could have watched a movie."

But I will never show this annoyance to my loved ones because I don't want them to feel hurt. I will always pay for their medical bills and refuse to take money from them because I feel it is my duty and responsibility to take care of their medical expenses.

Here is the thing:

Is it something common (or normal) to feel annoyed about such thing? Do you think my behaviour is acceptable?

It makes me feel like I don't have genuine affection, care and concern towards my loved ones. Like if I really love them, I should not be feeling annoyed about bringing them to the clinic right?


I am a single person right now. I'm not sure if I will still feel the same annoyance when bringing my life partner to the clinic/hospital if I am in a relationship in the future.

I understand that I might not be a good person. But I am willing to work on myself to improve myself. 

What are your opinions and advice for me?

Thank you.

[CellarDweller]

Well, it depends on the circumstances that you are finding yourself doing this.

Is it a routine doctor visit? I think most people get annoyed at waiting at offices.

If it's an emergency situation, usually one is too concerned about their loved ones to think about the time.

If you think that this is something you need to change, then perhaps you should talk to someone like a therapist or (if you attend religious services) the leader of your chosen religion to air these concerns.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your reply @CellarDweller.

You have pointed out something important which I have overlooked.

Yes, you are right. Most of the visits to the clinic/hospital are for the usual medical check-ups for diabetes and blood pressure and sometimes for knee pain and other body aches.

There were a few times whereby my sister had surgery (not a minor one), and I was in the hospital hoping and praying that the surgery and my sister will be fine. I never thought about the "waste of time" during those times. I would rather spend my time there and hear the good news about the surgery.

[Rawr]

What you described doesn't come across as selfish to me at all. Quite the opposite.

Life is short and to me at least, it feels as though it's getting much faster in pace. Society leads us to believe we should be achieving in so many areas that every second lost is a second wasted.

I think having negative thoughts in these circumstances can be natural. But please judge yourself off of your actions and not your thoughts. You sound like a great person.

That being said, negative thoughts I've found can come from burn out. Sounds like your looking after a lot of people and taking on a lot of responsibility. I hope you don't feel underappreciated and that there is some also to look after you.

[soulfulriver]

Thank you for your kind words @Rawr

[Stefan Romir]

You want them back, safe!
You want them back, alive!
You want them back, taken care of by professional medical staffs...and, you KNOW you do!

You're not wishing to not have to be there, for them, when you must get them to appointments, etc..
You're really only wishing that THEY didn't have to be there...and, then YOU'd not have to be there, with/for them!

Instead of feeling what love and affection there is, within you, you've become a self-examiner and SPECTATOR, hoping to catch a glimpse of that love and affection. When you do that, you can't feel it. It's spontaneous and often hidden, even from the person feeling it all.

DO YOU WANT THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS BACK HOME, SAFE, WELL AND HAPPY?

If you can say "No", to that question - then, yes, you have a problem.
If you've just thought "Yes" to that question, it's time to stop examining what CAN'T BE FOUND AND/OR FELT BY WILL, and just carry on doing what you already are doing. Stop being a spectator of your life, and go back to being a participant! Emotions about family care/love can't be felt by reaching for them and you're trying to reach for them, to assure yourself. It won't happen. Faith is about knowing something is there, even in the absence of evidence.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your kind words @Stefan Romir

You have mentioned many good points to reflect upon and they were helpful to me.

"DO YOU WANT THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS BACK HOME, SAFE, WELL AND HAPPY?" 

Yes