Adjusting to more regular penetration (toys)

[writerbry]

Hey! I honestly don't really even know where to begin with this. I suppose I'll start with the fact that up until a week ago, I had identified a side-friendly ace who might occasionally bottom on all my apps, but given I had a very tumultuous relationship with bottoming in the past, I thought I really needed to figure out if being penetrated was something I'd really want to do again, so I recruited some "help" from Adam and Eve. Being pretty set in my asexual identity, I thought that the experience would allow me to at least become more tolerant of it; however, by day 3, I had already worked myself up from a 4" plug to a 5" plug to the 6.5" prostate-massaging vibrating dildo (I acknowledge I probably did size up too quickly). The experience with the vibrator was honestly groundbreaking. It was the first time that I had ever experienced an orgasm from being penetrated, and it really shattered a lot of perceptions of myself that I held. My first time bottoming had shades of assault, and I have realized through talking to some of my friends that my ex of 7.5 years and I didn't really know what we were doing during out 7.5-year relationship given his being a virgin at the beginning and my having only had that experience prior (kind of embarrassing, but what can you do?). So great, I learned something about myself and removed a long-standing trauma block associated with being penetrated, realizing that I enjoy it more than I thought I did. However, I feel like in doing so, I released a long-imprisoned sex drive that has been really tormenting me. (I hadn't had any kind of anal penetration in over two years before last week)

I know I'm the problem. I get to about 80% better/normal and get back to it in some way (whether with plugs or fingers - I have been laying off the vibrator because I'm travelling). I'm not going to ask why I'm feeling sore or whatever because I know why. My question is more along the lines of "is this a natural experience for someone who is being regularly penetrated for the first time in their life?" Although I haven't been completely responsible, I have been vigilant when looking to see if I've caused any bleeding or if there are any spots that are especially sore to the touch, and this hasn't been the case thus far. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that I've felt pain from it. Dr. Google told me that serious situations are when the feelings are sharp and stabbing or burning, and I haven't experienced any of that. However, there's a lingering soreness (feeling of being used) that comes and goes, especially after I take my long walks.

So yeah, I don't know what to do. I am going to put more effort into containing myself and giving it more than a day to see if I can get back to 100% normalcy, but in the meantime, I wanted to ask for more opinions. A couple of my friends thinks that this might just be my new normal until I get adjusted to penetrating myself / being penetrated more often while another thinks that it's not quite so normal that the sensation isn't going away right away or after a couple hours.

Note: I have not experienced pain or soreness while doing any of the penetration. I've set a pretty clear boundary for myself that if I did start experiencing any noticeable while fingering or having the plug or vibrator in, I would stop. However, this has not yet been my experience.

I feel really ridiculous as a 29yo making this post because I feel like it's an age that I should have this stuff figured out and that I should be able to negotiate reasonable frequency between my newly activated sex drive and my physiological capacities. I don't want to cause damage, but I also don't want to work myself into a mindset that I have to be completely normal to continue doing anything playing around because maybe there is no return to my butt feeling like it did for the years it wasn't exposed to penetration at all.

Thanks for your time, consideration, and empathy! Any tips or responses are welcome.

[charlesG]

Hi, It was my first time playing sizing up on my bottom. tried many things as well including vibrating tails butt plugs. painful at first, maybe not used to it. after few attempts to keep the plug in for a week including regular washing and douche, putting any thing bigger wont hurt.

So suggest you have to shave any hair near the hole area.. use a butt plug ( rubber or veg ) leave it in the hole thru the night, wear a g string or a butt plug harness to hold it while in public. try it out for a week then work into bigger size. please note if you want to keep the size of the hole you are comfortable with.. keep using the butt plug. or else the hole will go back to its original small stage..

Cheers and have fun.