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My husband never comes in me... what to do?
Hey there, 

So really quickly, I have to preface by saying that my husband was a virgin when we got married almost exactly 3 years ago today. 

I wasn't, which has been its own point of contention, but I digress. 

I enjoy anal sex, and we do get down to it a few times a month (although I wouldn't mind more), but it seems like my husband... well, not only that he isn't enjoying it, but also like he doesn't care to learn anything new. I have mentioned that he might look up some new things that he might like to try, and then we could experiment a bit... but then he doesn't. 

The point is, I really want him to have more sensation when topping. He says that it doesn't feel like anything; that there isn't any sensation for him when he's topping. 

I would really love to have him cum inside of me, but he is really defensive about the whole thing and I have realised that every time I bring up anything relating to sex, he starts acting like I'm trying to sign him up for the Rock Hard Rock-on-a-thon. 

But even just the "motion of the ocean" he refuses to learn or practice. It's awkward. It's also frustrating because I feel crazy for wanting something that is NOT out of the ordinary. 

Meeting in the middle and compromising and all that is GREAT and I am ALL about it. But how do I get there to be more sensation so HE can start feeling himself and enjoying anal sex? 

Forgive the tirade; thank you in advance. Any kind advice is welcome!

(11-17-2023, 06:03 PM)Martin251082 Wrote: It's also frustrating because I feel crazy for wanting something that is NOT out of the ordinary. 

You're not crazy for wanting what you want. You FEEL crazy because of the frustration of not getting what you want. That is understandable.

Ideally, every person and their partner would be completely sexually compatible, but that is not always the case.

However, while you may think that what YOU want is "ordinary", it may not be ordinary for him. This is the problem with "ordinary" or "normative" thinking - "My way is the normal way."

â–ª One of the possible reasons for this problem is that he may be a Side, that is, a gay man who does not like anal sex. He may get ZERO pleasure from giving or receiving anal sex.

>>> Alternatively, he may be a bottom. Have you tried topping him?

â–ª Another possible reason is that he may have some "issue" around anal sex, or sex in general: psychological-emotional; psychological-mental; or physical.

>>> Do you know of any history he has that could affect this?

â–ª Another possible reason is that he may have a low sex drive.

>>> For how long have you been having this problem?

â–ª Another possible reason is that, maybe, he just does not get enough sensation.

>>> And perhaps SOMETHING can be done to enhance that. But sometimes, if someone gets no pleasure from something, that's just the way it is.

You cannot make someone enjoy something no matter how much you think they should enjoy it just because it is "the normal/ordinary thing".

What else do you do besides anal sex? Any foreplay? Anything to stimulate each other? Exploring other body parts?

Does he have any likes? From your post alone, this all seems very focused on your need for anal sex. Is he getting anything that HE likes?

But then, it's also not fair for him to do this:

(11-17-2023, 06:03 PM)Martin251082 Wrote: he starts acting like I'm trying to sign him up for the Rock Hard Rock-on-a-thon.

He may be feeling pressured, but he also needs to appreciate that your need are important. Sexual compatibility is important, and he cannot just brush it under the carpet. However, the conversation can not just be focused on getting him to enjoy anal sex. You need to come at it from all angles. Address the wider problem of compatibility in your sex life; your needs; his needs; are there any problems. Otherwise you need to consider some possibilities:

Can you go on with this situation as it is: being monogamous but not completely sexually compatible?
Or could you open the relationship up?
Or could you end the relationship?

You're not crazy. You want fulfilling sex with your partner. But you need to have a wider discussion on who you both are, and not just focus it on getting him to enjoy cumming in your arse.
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