Hey all, was hoping someone may be able to offer some words of wisdom...
I was with a guy for 4 years, and it ended in December. Its now Sept, and cannot get him out of my head. It was my decision, as we both wanted to work in two different parts of the globe, and neither of us could change due to work, to be with each other. We agreed to see how it went over the Summer, and see what the future held.
We are now both with different people, but I just cant get him out of my head. (I have deleted all "personal" photos etc so I dont get emotional lol).
I am happy with my new BF, who is awesome, but really could do with some words to help me out of this hole, so I can move on...
Sorry if this sounds really soft, just am stuck!
Leon x 
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Nine months is not a lot of time. I hope your new man has whatever is needed to be able to cope while you create a bit more space in your heart.
It will happen, but you may need more patience.
Good luck  mile:
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Hi Essexlad. I think if you could forget your ex as quickly as you would like to, you would be a really shallow, uncaring person – which you obviously are NOT. The love you had for him was important and will never be forgotten and that is good. The new man in your life should feel proud that you value significant others, because this bodes well for your new relationship. Of course there is also another aspect to this. Whenever we separate from a loved one, we always feel the pain of separation but time is a healer, as they say. Marshlander is right but patience is not easy for people who care about people.
Un besito!
Peter
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peterinmalaga Wrote:Hi Essexlad. I think if you could forget your ex as quickly as you would like to, you would be a really shallow, uncaring person – which you obviously are NOT. The love you had for him was important and will never be forgotten and that is good. The new man in your life should feel proud that you value significant others, because this bodes well for your new relationship. Of course there is also another aspect to this. Whenever we separate from a loved one, we always feel the pain of separation but time is a healer, as they say. Marshlander is right but patience is not easy for people who care about people.
Un besito!
Peter
Gracias Peter,
I am trying so hard to move on and be happy. I haven't gone into too much detail with my new guy, as am slightly worried that he might feel I cant move on.... but from reading this.... think its the way forward!
Besos, y saludos
L xx
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I had some other thoughts about your situation while I was walking the dogs: some people have their best ideas when they are having a dump, I get them when out with the dogs! Your situation is possibly worse for 2 reasons. 1. You are living abroad and probably associate BF numero uno with all the things you miss about home. Also your ex was almost certainly your first and “the first cut is the deepest” as the song says. BUT the first relationship is not the best normally. I think you really need to focus on making BF2 the best relationship ever. Wherever your home is, make it a home you really love. When you are together with your BF, tell him you love him (some people don’t!) and make sure you really have an amazing time together. Do new things (I am not talking sex here but it could apply to that too): climb mountains, go for long walks along beautiful beaches and end up at a lovely bar for a drink at twilight, take up a new sport together (kite surfing?). The only limit is your imagination, so get thinking about the wonderful new life you are having together. Do you speak Spanish? Learn. The casa de cultura offers very cheap Spanish courses here on the Costa, there may well be something similar where you are.
Un abrazo
Peter
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peterinmalaga Wrote:I had some other thoughts about your situation while I was walking the dogs: some people have their best ideas when they are having a dump, I get them when out with the dogs! Your situation is possibly worse for 2 reasons. 1. You are living abroad and probably associate BF numero uno with all the things you miss about home. Also your ex was almost certainly your first and “the first cut is the deepest†as the song says. BUT the first relationship is not the best normally. I think you really need to focus on making BF2 the best relationship ever. Wherever your home is, make it a home you really love. When you are together with your BF, tell him you love him (some people don’t!) and make sure you really have an amazing time together. Do new things (I am not talking sex here but it could apply to that too): climb mountains, go for long walks along beautiful beaches and end up at a lovely bar for a drink at twilight, take up a new sport together (kite surfing?). The only limit is your imagination, so get thinking about the wonderful new life you are having together. Do you speak Spanish? Learn. The casa de cultura offers very cheap Spanish courses here on the Costa, there may well be something similar where you are.
Un abrazo
Peter
Hey Peter,
Yes I speak fluent Spanish. Was raised in Barcelona as a child, so my first official language is Catalá, then Spanish, and English. Your advice is awesome, has really made me think. I still think about him daily, what hes up too, what hes doing sexually with this new guy, I even think about him during intamate moments. Its getting easier, and everytime someone sends me something on here, seems to get easier. Thank you so much. Keep advice coming, its really helping jeje!
L xx
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Hi L, You really threw me off track with your pseudonym. I thought you were from the UK. Well thank god you’re not from Essex after all! Your English also had me fooled, it’s amazing. Don’t guilt-trip yourself about thinking about this ex. Nobody can control their thoughts. Don’t even try. When you wrote: “, I even think about him during intimate moments” I thought “Been there, done that!” The more you try to STOP doing something, the more you are going to do it. Oscar Wilde said “I can resist anything except temptation” and we are all like that, I think. Try to focus on what you CAN control. Cook the new BF a fantastic meal. Go to see a really good film together or watch one at home. Plan a trip abroad: Easyjet and the other airlines have some real bargains now. I know the solution. Go to Venice with BF2. I challenge you not to be madly in love with the man you are with in Venice. Travel is so good for cementing a relationship: it gives you common memories with your new guy. Gradually the memories of the ex will fall into their proper place, sweet memories of a wonderful guy who you used to be in love with. Ciao, bello!
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