This is the hardest thing

[Psiloscribe]

So, yesterday I posted my introduction and Id like thank everyone for their input, it really helped me.

So I'm crying right now I tried to have sex with my girlfriend last night and she stopped, saying that something feels different, which is true, and she kept distant all night. And this morning she asked me where I think Im going to be in 3 years and I told her that honestly I have no idea. I said that I have a lot of conflicting emotions and that I dont know how im supposed to act or what Im supposed to do or say in this kind of situation.

I told her that since being able to talk about my sexuality more honestly, that I've become increasingly more interested in pursuing this side of my personality, which obviously means pursuing relationships and friendships with other people like me. I dont know how else to tell her that, "yes, i want to have sex with men, and more than that I want to know if I can find love with a man"

Its been a very tough morning. We've both been crying a lot. I tried telling her that I'm not trying to hurt her or confuse her, its just that I feel so alone in this. It's not like god gave me a manual for dealing with this kind of shit. I feel like I've broken her heart, and it breaks mine to know that.

I feel like a monster!!!!!!!!!!

[curt-88]

oh your done with the crying its time to pick yourself up be a man have some space and figure out what you want. Theres no sense in crying over it. crying is for the weak get up and get over it.

[libertylove4]

[COLOR="Navy"]First of all, you are not an monster, you have ever right to explore parts of yourself that you haven't been able to acknowledge before. You need to be straightforward with your girlfriend, tell her that you want explore relationships with men, and if she is not willing to open up the relationship, than she doesn't have your best interests at heart. It is completely okay to cry, crying is a vital human emotion and it is extremely healthy to release your emotions rather than bottling them up and causing yourself mental and emotional harm, but you can't let your emotions run your life, after you have let them out you need to stand up, brush yourself off and make a decision on how you want to live your life. The only person that you need to please is yourself, not your girlfriend or anyone else. This is your life to live and you only have one so you need to do what will make you most happy. If you want to talk further I am more than willing to listen and give you any advice you want. Remember that you are not alone and there are others here and everywhere who have been through what you are going through right now. I would also recommend that you look up the relationship columnist Dan Savage, he talks about these issues extensively. I hope I have helped some, and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Good Luck and here's a big hug from me
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[Psiloscribe]

Thanks for the responses. Sorry if i seemed melodramatic, it's been an emotional time for me. I've had a chance to talk to a good friend of mine and Im feeling a lot better about everything. And you're right, I do need to stand up and take action, which is what I'm trying to do, it's just difficult at times.

Anyways, thanks a lot for the support

[fredv3b]

Don't be too hard on yourself, you are in a tough situation.

I do need to stand up and take action, which is what I'm trying to do, it's just difficult at times.

Obviously, you need to sort things out with your girlfriend, however beyond that I think you might be better off giving yourself time and thinking things through before you take action.

if she is not willing to open up the relationship, than she doesn't have your best interests at heart.

I think it is a bit much to expect her to be utterly selfless with regard to her own feelings.

[peterinmalaga]

Been there, done that and got the T-shirt. In the end I got to a point where I was physically unable to have sex with a woman, whereas with a man it all worked like a charm. That was when I realised that my body was trying to tell me something. I am now in a good gay relationship. The crying is all part of the deal, there's no point in trying to stop it: if you try, you will only end up more screwed up. It sounds likely to me from what you say, that the more you experiment with men, the stronger the attraction to men will be. I could be wrong, we're all different. If your experience is anything like mine was, you will find that the attraction to men just carries you away like an avalanche. Does your girlfriend have someone to confide in too? If you end up splitting up, she will need that. I think you have a very interesting journey ahead of you and it will have its ups and downs (no pun intended) but in the end getting into bed with your boyfriend at night will just feel like coming home at last. Don't guilt-trip yourself. Your girlfriend is plenty young enough to move on too. Good luck!

[marshlander]

It's okay to be emotional. Having been in a tempest like that you have to let go somehow. Easy for me to say now, but it didn't help at the time when others tried to tell me I wasn't a monster either. Bravo for tackling your situation head on. It would be so easy to coast and lie and cheat.

Best wishes to you and to your girlfriend.

[princealbertofb]

oh your done with the crying its time to pick yourself up be a man have some space and figure out what you want. Theres no sense in crying over it. crying is for the weak get up and get over it.

Curt;, I didn't find your comment very sympathetic, nor very useful. It's normal for a person to cry over the breaking up of an otherwise good relationship. Who wouldn't? It's a good thing that some people can still cry about serious things like that. Once he's done the crying, he'll pick up the pieces and get on with solving the problem. Let him cry, for goodness sake.

[princealbertofb]

Psilo, I know you will find a way out of your present predicament. You will show caring for your girlfriend and she can be assured that you won't do anything to hurt her more than is necessary. Her question about where you would be in three years time was justified, I guess, and an interesting question. Of course, it's difficult for you to answer it now as you are in a state of confusion. One thing is certain, you have unleashed the part of you that was bottled up and she knows you are different now. Maybe you ought to respect that she's trying to pull herself together too and by refusing to have sex with you, she was taking back what was hers in the first place: her own body and her own private self. She's probably hurting inside from the frankness that you have shown (fortunately). Maybe you could both do with some counselling, not to get back together, but to break it up in a civil way without feeling too bad about what has happened. It's just one of the blows that life deals.
Good luck, T., to both of you.

PA