Hello to everyone out there! I am 26 and I am a graduate student. The name tells a lot about by me and my life; so far, I have tried to supress my sexuality and the only way I thought I could do this was by concentrating on my studies. Unfortunately, or if you ask me now, fortunately I came to revise my point of view. Returning back to England from my summer vacations I realized that I was sad and the reason was that I should not have left all this time go by and that I shoud act. I still have not told my family and most of my friends back home, and I don't think that I will be doing this any time soon. But I found the courage to admit to my best friend just a week ago, who told me that she knew it all along... I still feel a bit weird, like a fish out the water; everything is still so recent. For instance, my friend insists that I should now alter my lifestyle: start going out to gaybars and the rest - but it is all so diffucult, it is probably due to a puberty of supressed sexuality. Practically I do not care if people that I work with find out, because I am not embarassed about who I am. It's just that the idea of exposing oneself for the first time to so many people that scares the hell out of me:confused::frown:.
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Hello and welcome to GaySpeak.
With regards to you coming out, been there, done that. Yes it can be scary as hell, it certainly feels very weird, but it does get better trust me! As far altering your lifestyle, don't force yourself to do anything. It may be that given student life (with which I am very familiar) that your social life already brings you into contact with interesting gay guys and all you need to do is to start talking to them and see what happens. On the other hand you may find you do want to start going to gay bars. Anyway I am sure others here can give better advice than me.
Good Luck
P.S. I forgot to say congratulations on taking the first step, always the hardest one.
Fred
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
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Welcome! You should do all the stuff relating to coming out when you're good and ready for it. My ex always said he would never go in a gay bar and I can't remember now how we managed to get him to go in one but once he did it, there was no stopping him. He was basically a gregarious person who liked to go to bars to meet friends. I agree with your friend that you should give gay bars a try and you should try a few, because they are very very varied but, if at the end of the day you decide they are not for you, so be it. It would be sad however if you discovered much later in life that you actually liked gay bars and had missed out on the experience when you were younger. I don't think you are exposing yourself (your words, not mine!) any more in a gay bar than in any other social venue. Some people will always be interested in you for whatever reason but most will probably not even notice you are there. You could try a bar or two in a town 50 miles or more from where you live or even in a foreign country when on holiday. Incidentally not everybody in a gay bar will necessarily be gay, so people will not automatically assume that you are. Do it when you feel more relaxed about it but don't wait too long: whenever you go, the first time you are possibly going to feel self conscious. You will almost certainly enjoy the frisson too. Why not take your friend with you?
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Aftermath of coming out
You can read messages on here that make it clear that some of us were much older when we did it. At whatever age, though, it is liberating!
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