Let me start by saying hello to all. I am a proud sister of an openly gay man. My name is Denise and I live in the midwest of America.
Now here is my problem; My brother Nick is gay and has been viciously harassed by two men in the US military. In short our sister dated a soldier names Stan. When he began displaying abusive behavior she broke up with him and he went insane. He called her non stop at work with his friend Tug, hurling threats and abuse. Nick sent Stan a 'stop harassing my sister' text and the abuse went to him. Stan left our state and felt smug that he would never be found by the authorities. The harassment continued with vulgar phone calls and a suprize visit to my brother at his job. (They ran off before the cops showed.)
Nick was awarded a restraining order against Tug today. Stan was dumb enough to show up smirking at the court house, forgetting there was a harassment warrant for his arrest for what he did to my sister.
Now, everything is covered legally. Tug has a restraining order and Stan has a court date. The only thing is, Stan is a low life I would like to see exposed, hopefully by the media. He is a homophobic delusional psychopath who becomes more dangerous with each legal action taken against him. He is now openly stating on facebook that he will kill my sister. The things he said against my brother are vile. That "f*gs don't deserve to live and should be strung up like n*ggers used to be." He is a militant conservative spouting hate everywhere he goes. I called his armory and they told him to stop, but took no real action against him. The ACLU says it's just a civil matter, the news stations are leery because he is a soldier and we are at war.
I am terribly sorry to come to your forum and unload this, but I am afraid that if Stan does not physically harm my siblings, he will harm someone else. He carries a gun everywhere and points at people on the freeway.
I have audio on my computer of the disturbing messages he and his friend sent my brother. I have a link to his facebook where he spouts delusional right wing conspiracies and hate rants. Any advice as to where he can be exposed would be helpful. Again, my apologies for what must sound like a crazy post
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Hello Denise, and  to GaySpeak.
It sounds like this Stan person ought to be reported to the authorities... although I am sure that if he has not committed any prior felony or crime, he can't be arrested just for carrying a gun... such is life in the United States, where arms are rampant, unfortunately.
What I think you might do is keep a good record of what he says and writes on Facebook as proof that you are not ranting and also of what he does to you or your family. Keep a notebook of what happened and when. And maybe disconnect your Facebook page, or delete it (although I'm not sure that is possible?) or don't visit it anymore. Try starting a new page under a new name and don't give too much personal information to people whom you don't know well enough to trust. If it is important to you be able to see what he writes, then I guess you'll have to continue being part of his list of acquaintances, or still be a member of the Facebook community.
Good luck, Denise, with your fight with insanity.
PA
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Sorry to hear about all this crap you're suffering from. We need more people like you, so take care of yourself. I think it would be best for you all to keep a low profile and forget about exposing this jerk. Avoid any form of contact and never respond to what he says or does.
Self preservation is more important than justice. Lock your door when you are at home or away. Lock your car door when driving. Get a dog, an alarm etc. Join a support group. Don't follow the same routine every day.
You are not going to reform this guy. Exposing him could incite him even more. He will get what he deserves one day and it will probably be of his own doing.
What I am advising is not cowardice. We want you all to be around when he is pushing up daisies. Be survivors not victims, please.
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Hello, Denise. Welcome and what a strain on your family this whole thing must be. I fully understand the point that Peter is making, but there is a fine line between a tactical retreat for the purposes of self-preservation and allowing an utter nutcase (or two) to dictate how you live your lives. Unfortunately the world is full of bullies and there is only so much one can do to appease.
I admit I am at a loss to understand the way you are all apparently free to carry firearms. Is there no way that a person loses this right when they have abused it? I am also slightly confused that the ALCU have said this is only a civil matter. Surely if there have been threats of physical violence and a breach of a restraining order those are criminal matters? I am pretty certain they would be regarded as such in the UK.
I'll confine the rest of my response to your comments about the abuse of Facebook. Facebook are notoriously hands-off when it comes to monitoring accounts (unless they want to assert ownership of your words and pictures ... which thankfully didn't happen), but again, the blatant threats must constitute a breach of the conditions of use? Facebook's statement of "rights and responsibilities" addresses this in section
Quote:3 Safety
We do our best to keep Facebook safe, but we cannot guarantee it. We need your help to do that, which includes the following commitments:
...
You will not bully, intimidate, or harass any user.
You will not post content that is hateful, threatening, pornographic, or that contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence. ...
You will not use Facebook to do anything unlawful, misleading, malicious, or discriminatory. ...
You will not facilitate or encourage any violations of this Statement.
...
5 Protecting Other People's Rights
We respect other people's rights, and expect you to do the same.
You will not post content or take any action on Facebook that infringes or violates someone else's rights or otherwise violates the law.
We can remove any content or information you post on Facebook if we believe that it violates this Statement.
14 Termination
If you violate the letter or spirit of this Statement, or otherwise create possible legal exposure for us, we can stop providing all or part of Facebook to you. We will notify you by email or at the next time you attempt to access your account. You may also delete your account or disable your application at any time. In all such cases, this Statement shall terminate, but the following provisions will still apply: 2.2, 2.4, 3-5, 8.2, 9.1-9.3, 9.9, 9.10, 9.13, 9.15.1, 9.18, 10.3, 11.2, 11.5, 11.6, 11.9, 11.9, 11.12, 11.13, and 14-18.
Facebook also publishes advice for users under its Help pages. Have a look here and see some of the links from this page also.
I hope you manage to sort it all without having your lives altered too drastically. Very best wishes to you and your family.
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Good response, sweetie pie... I'm sure Denise can use this to get a bit of peace.
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I normally agree with Marshlander, Denise, but I do not want you or anyone else to be awarded a posthumous medal for the sake of getting justice on account of a guy who really is a total waste of space. Obviously I respect you even more if you have the guts to ignore my advice. I don't have too much faith in the forces of law and order, which is why I am worried for your safety. You say:" He is a homophobic delusional psychopath who becomes more dangerous with each legal action taken against him. He is now openly stating on facebook that he will kill my sister." I would be the first to say that they should lock him up and throw away the key but they don't do that any more, do they?
What you want, I imagine, is for him to forget all about you and let you live your lives in peace. I think he is very likely to move on to another victim, if you stop playing the game by his rules. I'm not a shrink but the legal route does not seem to be solving the problem at the moment: maybe it is time to give some thought to finding a more psychologically based option which will get him to forget you and focus on something or someone else. I doubt if his brain is capable of dealing with more than one problem at a time. Facebook say: "Cyberbullies often seek a reaction from the people they harass. When they fail to get one, they often give up gradually"
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peterinmalaga Wrote:I normally agree with Marshlander, Denise, but I do not want you or anyone else to be awarded a posthumous medal for the sake of getting justice on account of a guy who really is a total waste of space. ... I'm quite happy to be swayed to your point of view, Peter. Obviously the choice of which action to take is up to Denise. Getting this guy banned from Facebook should be straightforward and, once done, she wouldn't have to be faced with his poisonous ranting. Anyone with access to his status updates could be responsible for bringing it to a moderator's attention. Presumably there must be one person on his friends list with half a gramme of decency.
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Good luck with it all... the way of the law can be horribly slow to respond but do be safe and keep on the law to enforce their rulings.
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