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Onion News Exsclusive - Gay Teen has Christian thoughts.....
#1
Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian
JANUARY 12, 2010
[Image: teen_article_large.article_large.jpg]

Lucas Faber has tried focusing on Godspell to keep the thought of tithing out of his mind.

LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a megachurch service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."

According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

"Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

"No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Oral Roberts University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."
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#2
Ha, hahaha, hahahahahaha! Thanks for this brilliant piece of mock journalism, Barry.... Classic! :biggrin:
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#3
Priceless Wink
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#4
I was a bit confused for a moment there. LOL great creativity.
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#5
The Onion has some incredibly talented writers. I believe the Onion is also the one that made the video of the mock news report about gay scientists discovering the "Christian gene."
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#6
Onion News Network

[COLOR="Purple"]This fake news production is fantastic. I think they have a TV show here but since I dont really watch much TV I dont know much about it... Their print version is sold world wide...

Here are some successes of their fake news being cited as real news by second parties:[/COLOR]

Quote:In 1998, Fred Phelps posted the Onion article "'98 Homosexual-Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal" on his "God Hates Fags" website as "proof" that gay people were indeed actively trying to "recruit" others.

Quote:In 2006, the Danish television station TV 2 posted a story on the gossip section of its website that took seriously the Onion article titled "Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took [email protected]".

Quote:An article on Harry Potter inciting kids to practice witchcraft was believed by many to be real and was forwarded by many concerned Christians.[25] Columnist Ellen Makkai and others who believe the Harry Potter books "recruit" children to Satanism have also been taken in by the article, using quotes from it as "evidence" for their claims.

Quote:In September 2009, two Bangladeshi newspapers, The Daily Manab Zamin and The New Nation, published stories translated from The Onion claiming Neil Armstrong had held a news conference claiming the moon landing was an elaborate hoax. Neither realized The Onion was not a genuine news site. Both of the newspapers apologized to their readers for not checking the story.

Quote:In October 2009, the Russian news site Russia.ru repackaged clips from the Onion video piece "New Anti-Smoking Ad Warns Teens 'It's Gay to Smoke'" as legitimate news.

Their headlines are classics:

"Drugs Win Drug War."

Thanks for reminding me/us about these great writers albabonzai Evil_lol
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#7
fjp999 Wrote:Here are some successes of their fake news being cited as real news by second parties:

It's always funny when satire sites are mistaken for the real thing. A similar thing occasionally happens to the sight Landover Baptist Church, which parodies fundamentalist Christians. I've even had a few friends mistake it for the real thing. Trying to gently tell them they'd been had was a bit difficult.

Of course, in some instances, it's hard to distinguish between parodies and the real thing, too. Rolleyes
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#8
I give you the Movie they released............................................

In the UK its called 'News Movie' and in the US its called 'The Onion Movie'

Its funny if you like stupid humor.............

Link To IMDB
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#9
Home | The Onion - America's Finest News Source is there website!
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#10
New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke' | The Onion - America's Finest News Source


The Anti Smoking one FJP mentioned.
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